Tuesday, May 6, 2008

How to Get Laid: The Ultimate Striptease

Jonay, as promised, I have picked out an outfit that will ABSOLUTELY get you laid.
The SECRET is the universally appealing designs of superstar clothing seller INTERNATIONAL MALE.

The other secret is to lure the woman in with a sexy strip tease!

When she arrives for your date, you should be wearing this furry jacket:
She will be broiling with anticipation! Would could possibly be hidden under that furry shell?
The answer: A sensual sweater!
As your coat drops to the floor, your beloved's eyes will drift down from the sweater and discover the luscious jean shorts (with side slits) below!!
But wait, Lady Friend! The sweater is coming off and underneath is...
THE MOST PERFECT T-SHIRT OF ALL TIME!
I'm not the only one who thinks so!
The website says: "Also perfect when you want to leave several buttons undone. Or wear alone, with shorts or jeans. Simply, a very comfortable undershirt."

OH BUT THERE IS MORE!
Sensually stripping off the t-shirt and jean shorts, you can reveal your intimate body-shaper with tummy control panel!!
Then you can free yourself laboriously from the under-suit and show her your confetti-patterned man-panties!
At this point, I'm sure you'll hear her say, "I think I'm going to go slip into something more comfortable."
You know what you can say?
"Me too! I am going to step into my cotton thong onesie!"HOW CAN SHE RESIST?
SHE CAN'T!
NO! SHE CAN'T!
SHE'S GONNA GIVE YOU ABOUT 5 OR 6 HANDJOBS OR SOMETHING ELSE REALLY SEXUAL LIKE A... SEXY CARWASH! OR A DIRTY SANCHEZ!! EVERYBODY WINS!!

Now my manfriend is looking at the International Male website. Let's get a review!!!
(PIPPI holds up imaginary microphone)
Boyfriend: Who is their target audience? Male models who are blind.

WRONG!
WRONG ANSWER!
WHO IS THEIR TARGET AUDIENCE?
PEOPLE WHO ARE ABOUT TO GET TOTALLY SEXED!!!!!

3 comments:

annie said...

Looks like some certain someones we know jumped on the jean shorts bandwagon long before Mr. Striptease model did.

Adam said...

Yeah, but... SIDE SLITS! I've grown complacent and been left behind. Behind the times. Jeanshorts times.

jonah said...

Dear Pippi,
thank you for your helpful advice.
i have been getting laid nonstop since you posted your instructions. if only i could find a way to stop getting laid so i could get a chance to eat some nutritious fruits and vegetables.

thank you pippi picks!