How to Fuck with Your Kids

If your kids want a dog but you don't want a dog......get them these shoes instead:

Your dumbass kids won't even know the difference. You'll be like, "Did you walk the dog today?" and they'll be like, "Yeah. He peed."
That's when you'll realize that your kids have really pulled a fast one.
"We taught this dog to sit," they'll say, or "I'm taking the dog in for show and tell."

When they turn 21, you can sit them down and say, "You know how our dog has lived much longer and with fewer health problems than your friends' childhood dogs?" and they'll say, "Yeah..." That's when you can say, "Honeys, I got you a shoe for a pet as a child," and they'll say, "I freakin' love you, mom. You knew just what to do."

A few days later, they'll come back to you to ask: "What were we doing at the vet all those times?" and that's when you'll drop the real bomb:
"Your father is a cat."