Gossip Folks

Urban Outfitters is like a totally obnoxious, foxy dude who I despise yet still have a crush on. I think it's totally overpriced, faux-rebellious, and represents a lot of what's lame about our consumer-tacular, iPod-dicko, annoying generation. Just as I might, drunkenly, mind you, snog an obnoxious-yet-attractive bloke at a Hawaiian-themed birthday party after yelling "YURRRR CUUUUTE!" and spilling pineapple drink on his leg, I sometimes might, drunkenly!!, make out with some shoes at Urban Outfitters. I don't respect them! But I will blog them!! With tongue!!!!!!!!!
SLUMBER PARTY GOSSIP!
I HAVE A CRUSH ON THESE SHOES AND I'M GOING TO GIVE THEM THE SHOCKER!!!!!!!
Biggest crush:
We're getting married:
That prissy bitch:Ugly is the new pretty:Huh?Obviously:

Ugly is the New Pretty

You might have noticed that what I love the most is UGLY. If something has a little bit of ugly in it, I'm like, "Peach-ayyyyyy. Niiiiiiiiice." This weekend I want you to wear things that have that special li'l bit of Ugly in 'em.
Try these yellow, gold, black, and white shoes:

Then wear a classic polka-dot-and-wolf skirt:Note: Do not wear these shoes and wolf skirt together. That's TOO much ugly. Instead, wear them with neon pink ski pants and a Coors Lite metallic bikini. That's a bold spring look.
Ugly is the new pretty, babies.

Birthday Suit

This shirt makes me happy because it looks a lot like one my mom wore when she gave birth to my fantastic sister, Pammy.
Shhh! This shirt is a a birthday suit! Don't tell the babies!

Coco Update

Thank goodness someone understands! Perez Hilton has been aggressively covering Coco's doings lately. I APPLAUD HIM!!
http://perezhilton.com/topics/coco/
and there's more!
Click here for Coco's beautiful gown!
Coco NEVER lets me down.

Pippi Sicks

Friends! I got so sick and puked like a champion! Do I have heart? Yes. Do I have ginger ale? Yes. Now I do. Popsicles, too!
I think I would feel better if I was wearing a gold sequin dress:
Can you imagine rolling around your house in a gold dress, slippers, hats, and sweaters? That's sick town done right.
Meanwhile, I would like to take this post-feverish state to say a word I have never used on Pippi Picks: Cute!
I think this shirt is "Cute!"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

WIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!

New obsession: WIGS.

This one is called "Bargain Pippi:"I think this one is supposed to be Rod Stewart:This one is called "Bart Simpson." Hmmm:

Don't forget your facial wigs!!

2007 Resolution: Wear More Wigs.

Jewel Quotas

Remember when I improved your quality of life by telling you my #1 fashion rule? Click here if you need to be reminded.
I hope you've been keeping up with your quotas. If you are having trouble and are running out of places on your body to bedazzle, here's a tip: HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF YOUR HEAD?

This headband alone has 11 jewels. If you are 11 years old, you've just locked it down. BLAM!

Phone on Leg!

Aren't these pants hilarious? Phone on leg!

Bring bring!

Gwen Stefani: Hello?

Pippi: Helllllllo!! This is Pippi! Great pants, Gwen!

Gwenny: Moo?

Pippi: Don't be coy. I LOVE your phone pants. In fact, I am using them to call you right now.

Gwen: Yowza!

Pippi: The future is now, Gwen!

Gwn: I pick you, Pippi, to be my special blogger.

Pippi: I pick your phone pants, Gwen Stefani, to be on my blog. AND I PICK YOUR PHONE TO BE ON MY LEG!

Gwen: Byebye! I am going to go talk to my baby.

Pippi: I am going to go talk on the phone USING MY PANTS!!!!!!!!

That Gwen is one funny honey.

When you wear them, you should wear some little gold flats, a TON of gold make up, and put a SHIT TON of hairspray in your hair and rat it up into a pompadour/forest. Now we're talkin' turkey.

Tchochke City

fredflare.com is kind of great because most of their tchotchke's are pretty cheap. It's stuff you don't need but most things are under $30, which is when I tag out.
Now you can get your very own mini-harmonica necklace,gold-calculator hoodie,pixelated luggage,
or taco-shaped smiling pencil case on the cheap.

Follow up quiz HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION???:

Q: What would Coco do?

A: Marry Ice T.

Pippi Picks Coco's Ass

Big news! The winner of the January 2007 Pippi Picks "You are Special" Award is...
Ice T's wife, COCO (AKA Nicole Austin)! I effin' LOVE this woman because she is completely crazy. She has won this award because she inspired me in the following ways:
1. She wore THIS to the VMAs:Look at Carmen Electra's face. She's like, "Damn. I totally could have worn my mesh dress tonight. I backed out because I thought it would be too 'out there' but I was totally wrong. Coco has the instincts of a hawk and the ass of a angel. I am OUTPLAYED."

2. Coco has an outrageous ass:
To honor Coco, I want you to get one of these Coco air fresheners from her COMPLETELY CRAZY website, cocosworld.com.

ALSO: When you are dressing yourself, ask yourself this: "What Would Coco Do (WWCD)?" You know the answer. Coco would marry Ice T. Then she would put her butt on a car, take some pictures of it, and sell it as a calender. Follow this leader.

Pippi Picks Wood and Gold

Beast.

How to Get Laid

Here is how to woo your next date:
1. If you are out at a restaurant, start making "eyes" at your date.
2. Seductively say, "Excuse me, I think I'm going to go slip into something more comfortable." Then say the last part again, louder, "MORE COMFORTABLE."
3. Go into the bathroom and change into these flannel jammies with pictures of mugs:

4. Return to the table and sit with your legs crossed on your chair the way that this model is sitting.
5. Say, "Ahhhhhhhhhh! These are sooooooooooo comfortable!"
6. Fall asleep on the table.
7. Wake up. Say, "Were you talking?"
8. Score

Presentation Duds

If you have an important meeting coming up, you might need an outfit that lets the boss know that you're really on the ball. Try showing up to give your PowerPoint presentation in a grape costume:

Pair it with some Reebok Freestyles and keep pacing around yelling, "Huh? Wait, what time is it? Am I starting soon? Whoa - I am really SWEATING. Hand me a towel!" until your boss decides that you are either out of your mind or just the type of go-getter that the company needs. As the CEO. CEO? Wow! I'm so proud of you! It takes a little more to be a champion.

T & A

Today it was nearly 70 degrees (in MA, mind you) in JANUARY when it is usually -20. I am so confused that all I can think about is bathing suits, swimming, and pizza bagels.
I want you to join my madness by wearing this suit all day tomorrow:Look carefully at all of the things going on with the suit pictured above.
1. It is blue and brown leopard print.
2. There are funny round stones connecting the boobs and hip pieces.
3. It has side and tummy cut-outs.
If you ever wear this suit out, I will DEFINITELY slow clap you. I will also vote for you for mayor with the campaign slogan: "This friend wore a blue and brown leopard print cut-out halter suit with mysterious stones, ok? Now that's tough on crime."
For your inaugural ball, you can go classy and wear a very, very little black dress:
I would DEFINITELY slow clap you.

Red Jeans

I'm not gonna lie - I love the red jeans thing that's going around.

You can spill tomato sauce on yourself and no one will know.
Red pants are pretty balls-out. Also, if you are getting chased by bad guys you can just yell, "I'M RONALD MCDONALD, BITCHES!!" and they'll say, "Whoa. She's nuts," and run the other way. Crisis averted, bitches.

How to be a Badass Beast

Here is what I want you to do tomorrow:
1. Drag this chaise lounge into your living room: 2. Buy a bikini that is either gold lame, pink mesh, or covered in rhinestones.

4. Take some rando oil out of the cupboard and dump it all over your body.

5. Discover that the oil has also gotten all over your hair and get kind of grossed out.

6. Discover that the oil accidentally splashed on your dog and apologize.

7. Lie on the chair.

8. Fluff your diamonds.

Fancy Jammies

Another year, another chance to find new ways of tricking your adoring public into thinking you have taken off your jammies.
Pippi Picks Special Advice Alert: If possible, do not take off your jammies! This dress will convince your friends that you have gotten dressed. HOWEVER, you will know that you are wearing another squishy sack with a sash and will LAUGH ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK.
REMEMBER: Pippi Picks Squishy Shifts (PPSS)
Say it back to me:
"PPSS! Pippi Picks Squishy Shifts!"
GO!

Pippi Puzzle

The Dolce Vita website seems to be having a hilarious sale. Almost everything is super discounted which means that now their shit is... still too expensive. Sweet! As you were! Continue to not buy things!
I am going to take this opportunity to illustrate my New Year's Eve/Day experience using the power of a clever riddle:
RIDDLE ME THIS!!
Here's a puzzle for all you puzzle-dogs:
Using only the following pictures and clues, can you guess how Pippi's New Year's experience transpired?
Picture #1: This dress is champagne colored!
Picture #2: The name of this dress on the site is the "Vivienne Westwood Hangover Dress:"

Ooh! A powerful mystery!
If you are thinking too hard and getting a headache, fill these boots with ice:Don't they look like those scrunchy ice packs that cartoon characters hold against their heads after fights? Now all you need is a steak for your black eye.
HAPPY 2007!!!
I AM GOING TO KEEP CELEBRATING THE NEW YEAR FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES TO GET YOU TO SHOW ME ONE PRETTY LITTLE SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!