PippiPicks Post-Protest

This has been both a good and bad week. The country is rising up to push back against the pattern of systemic racism represented by the Eric Garner decision and the HORRIFIC LOSS of thousands of people of color throughout history who have experienced police violence and then the FURTHER VIOLENCE of the political and legal system.

This IS a movement, not a moment, and let's be clear that people have been fighting back about every part of this for GENERATIONS. And let's be clear that protesting is not an evening event, it's lifelong, intergenerational work that we're going to need our kids to follow up on and that we needed activists before us to work on.

So if we're going to continue to struggle for life, we're going to need to also plan in some recovery strategies. That's part of what pippipicks was born from, right? Did you know about that part? Where'd you think that insomnia was from? Worrying about Dawson's Creek? I have never seen that show! I have not even seen one episode of that show! I was getting too cooked in my struggle and needed some antidotes.

So re:antidotes, let me advise you on the PippiPicks Post-Protest Pose Outfit:

First, WEAR A HAT TO THE PROTEST OR I'M GOING TO WORRY ABOUT YOU! Do you know how many hundreds of people in NYC I have been worrying about because they are really cold? There is enough to worry about with people being murdered by cops, the least you can do is wear a damn hat and eat a snack out there!! Etc We need to worry about other things.

Just don't wear this hat because it's $330 which doesn't make sense. That to me is like when sunglasses are more than $7. Things meant to be left on the subway shouldn't cost more than a metrocard. Also, I'm going to sit on your sunglasses.

When you get home from the protest and you are very sad/filled with rage and horror/afraid for your life or the life of other human beings, you're going to need to get some good vibes going so you can go the fuck to sleep and go do more work. 

You must create a golden zone of peace before bedtime!! And the first step is to put on your gold hat:

And your gold pants:

And your golden paperclip:

And then put on this shirt that has a picture of a football player and says "namaste" because I don't understand what's happening in this image:

And then chant the sound of om.

And then get back out there, c'mon!

Only like 6,000,000 more layers of systemic oppression to go and we will have really fixed this thing. 

Hurricane Watch: IS COCO OK??????

It's the end of the world here in NYC.
AND IF I'M GOING TO GET CRUNCHED BY A HURRICANE, I'M GOING TO GET CRUNCHED WITHOUT PANTS ON!!I MEAN, I'M STILL GOING TO WEAR A TIE.

But I'm not happy about it.

THIS IS WHAT TUXEDO LEOTARDS ARE FOR: DIGNITY!

When the street floods, I'll be like, "ZZZZZ! I'm not wearing pants anyway, you assholes. Take my pants!"

BUT DON'T TAKE MY SUNGLASSES WITH ATTACHED GOLDEN EYEBROWS, YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!YOU. ASSHOLES!!!!!

You KNOW I can't see without my eyebrow glasses!!!!!!!Mayor's talking allllllllllllll about this hurricane, but NOT ONCE has he said, "Is COCO safe, fer chrissake???"

Wait - is Coco safe? Cabos...First day here,7 more days to go.Yah!"

Thank cog - she's fine. She's in Cabo.

She tweeted: "The sound of the waves while I bake is nice."

Ok, I feel better now. If Coco's safe, Sol Good.

Werd

Werd:Blar blar blar.

The East Village Changes A Man

Big news at Pippi Picks Studios (PPS): Myself and Boyflame have moved homes and now live in a NEW NEIGHBORHOOD, the newfangled EAST VILLAGE.

LOOK, GUYS, a lot of things have changed around here. Now that I live in the East Village, I'M much BETTER LOOKING and I know I've never felt this before, but NOW WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS BE A PHOTOGRAPHER AND DESIGN LEATHERGOODS, AKA what I'm going to do is web design for an ad agency until it's time to have a kid.

Also, as soon as we moved, things have really changed for BOYF and I:

WE'VE STARTED WEARING LEATHER SHORTS all the time:
AND WE'VE STOPPED WEARING LACES:
AND WE DON'T NEED THEM, BUT WE BOTH GOT EYEGLASSES:AND SPIKEY JEWELS:AND WE'VE BEEN COVERING OUR FACES WITH BIG DOTS, AND SOMETIMES WOLVES:


LOOK, GUYS, YOU JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE HERE IN THE VILLAGE.

Pippi Picks Hairphones

Two Picks from weird store Stand Up Comedy:

ONE:
Hairy decorations for earphones, AKA "HAIRPHONES:"TWO:
Glasses with dangles, AKA "JANGLE-GLASSES:"
WHEN HAVE I FAILED YOU????

Glasses Without Glass

NO GLASS?
NO PROBLEM!

NO GAS?

BIG PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO GRASS?

SOMETIMES A BIG PROBLEM.

Rink Repper Rombs!!!! Ry got the Recipe!!!

Rello!  

R'I'm Rippi and R'I'm raCK FROM the rusades in the roods!

R'ok.

My friend She Lai luvvs LA now.  To celebrate him and his preferences, let's all wear LA gear!!

Question: Was LA Gear a clothing company?  Does it still exxist?

Let's start with this violent t-shirt:

Rood Job!

Now put on this one w/crown:

I bought you a license plate:

No rearry!

Ok, Eli, stop being such a pussy and get an LA tattoo.  My car is outside your house!  In 30 seconds I'm going to ring the doorbell and drive you to a parlour.  What kind of parlour, you ask?  SURPRISE!!!!

It's either an ice cream or a tattoo parlor, you'll find out when we arrive.

Here's a hint:

You're going to leave with one of THESE:Meanwhile, I want to share something I drank last night.

It's called a PEPPER BOMB.  Here is the recipe:

1 oz. Clamato (tomato and clam juice with onion powder, corn syrup, msg, etc), strained through ice

3 oz Dr. Pepper

1 oz Jaegermeister

Instructions:

1.  Strain Clamato through ice

2. Mix Clamato and Dr. Pepper in a 6 oz glass

3. Fill shot glass with Jaeger

4. Drop shot glass into Clam-Pepper glass

5. Chug

6. Make faces

7.  She Lai says, "I will never drink anything else again."

8.  Force younger cousin to drink 2 rounds of Pepper Bombs, followed by Crystal Palace

9.  Take photos of cousin

10. Mail photos to newspaper

11.  Play new age board game

12.  REPEAT!  REPEAR!  REPENT!!!  YOU SUCK!!!!!!  STOP DRINKING CLAMATO!!!  IT"S HURTING YOU!!!!  IT"S MAKING YOUR COUSIN FROW UP!!!!!!

13.  ????????

Ree you Rater!!!!

G.I. Joe for USA

Oooh - I want you to wear this G.I. Joe ID bracelet every day in case something horrible happens to you:
If you get smushed by a bus and they have to identify you they'll say, "Ohhh. She belongs to America, sirs."

Just to be safe, you better keep these sunglasses on all the time, too:
Then they'll know you lived free and wild like a stallion.

Your Head to Toe Look

Ok, honies. This weekend I've picked out a full Patricia Field outfit for you.

Start with these special pants:Then layer over them these plaid, suspendered bubble shorts:

You should carry around this clutch because it has pictures of boobs on it:All you need is a sequined fanny pack and some shades and you're ready to go!


Oops! How embarrassing - you almost left the house without your glittering grillz!!!!!Shame on you.

Evil Glasses

Don't wear these sunglasses all weekend or you'll turn into an evil genius again:
Last time you wore these too long you invented an evil version of the internet call the "Splinternet" that uses Master Splinter's fine reputation to spread slander.

Pippi Picks Shades for You and Hamwich

It's slexy summer time and to celebrate I want you to wear sunglasses every day. OF YOUR LIFE.
To make it easier, these come in a range of tantalizing colors including "Clear."

Of course, whenever I buy sunglasses I break them within 10 minutes. That's why I never buy sunglasses that cost more than $10. That way, I pay around a dollar a minute for my shades. That seems like a fair price.

Most of the sunglonks on Fantas-eyes.com are under $20. That means that for the price of a very overpriced taco you can:
Wear sunglasses with a built-in striped unibrow:
Wear sunglasses with a distracting rhinestone strip on the lens:Protect your eyes! Every day FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. EVEN WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING. EVEN IF YOU LIVE IN A DARK CLOSET WITH A SPECIAL FRIEND, HAMWICH. MAKE HAMWICH WEAR SHADES, TOO.

Slutorial

I'm not going to lie to you - you have to be a BEAST to pull off that headband. Let me show you how to do it:
First, put on this ring and start storming around your hotel room:
Now put on lots of lipstick and start painting your nails. Half way through painting your nails, get bored and make a gin and tonic.
Now you should order $300 worth of room service (including 3 orders of shrimp cocktail, a "beef," and a V-8). Put your sunglasses on and turn the TV on and off a few times.
When the room service arrives, pull the covers over your head and pretend to be asleep for a while. Then put your bathrobe on and answer the door:
YOU: Who izzit?
ROOM SERVICE: Beef and shrimps, etc.
YOU: Shhhhhh.
RS: You look amazing.
YOU: No. You do.

Then tip the bell boy by sliding off your bracelet and slipping it in his pocket:Then say, "And bring my diamonds up from storage. Fritz. Whatever ur name iz. Where's my gold?"
Then get back in bed and pretend to smoke a cigarette. Call someone in France and say, "Oops. Pardon. Wrong number."
Turn the TV on again.
Voila!
See? Now you know how to wear that headband.