Pippi Comes Out of Retirement

To share this hair wig with you

Please note the following facts:

• This hair wig is for all occasions including:
• your wedding day
• your boss' wedding day
• your inauguration
• your wedding day to a chef
• please note that this was originally SEVEN HUNDO AND SIXTY BONES now marked down to $266 which is a g-ddamn steal.
• Aren't you glad I came out of retirement to tell you that?
• I love you too.

PippiPicks Crotch Bullseye

For days you can't answer the question: "How do I find the area from which I should gather the menstrual blood for the ritual?"

Coco Update

I don't know have you've been getting your Coco news while I've been sleeping regularly but I know what you've been whispering to yourself in your car or while you're doing a walking meditation:
"How... is... Coco... ?... Yes... Coco, Ice T's wife... Yes... Coco Austin."

Look - she's doing great. She looks like she's doing great. She's a great person. I don't know why the milk I think I have a right to say I'm having a bad day on any day knowing that I can call or visit Coco (probably) and just be moved by her great attitude.

Here are some of the things that have been happening to her lately, I think:

One: She was a devil for halloween who loves popcorn and diet tea and this ghostman in the back understands that the diet tea is a joke about her husband, Ice T, whose T stands for something else.

Two: She attended something called the "Blood and Babes Comic Con" and something called "Make it Nasty Saturdays:"

Three: she redesigned CocosWorld.com, it looks great:

Four: SHE STARTED A MMOTHERFUCKING CLOTHING LINE CALLED LICIOUS CLOTHING THAT NO ONE BOTHERED TO DRIVE TO MY HOUSE TO TELL ME ABOUT AS IF I WOULDN'T OBVIOUSLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, EVERY OUTFIT IS DESIGNED AND MODELED BY COCO:

And she has leather pants for "mens:"

 Mazal tov to Coco on outfitting us all for every kind of situation and emotion:

TEAM COCO ONE HUNDO

team coco one hundo

I'm Not Saying I'm Back, But... A PippiPicks Q&A

Friends, PippiPicks has been on silent since 2012 and I understand that's been a big problem for everyone. I'm talking a BIG problem. I'm talking a bunch of naked people walking around refusing to dress themselves or laugh or smile or love other human beings because there I was not here to pick out their g-ddamn clothes.

I'm not sorry about this but I am sorry if you had any buttburn or any butt ice damage due to not wearing your g-ddamn clothes to protect you from different weather.

Ok, here's what I'm going to do here: I'm going to give you this special cookie outfit so you can just put an outfit on and stop causing problems and ruining your career:

I don't think this is for Halloween, I think this is for self-expression.

Question and answer session:

Q: Why is the origin of PippiPicks ?

A: PippiPicks was started to cure my horrible insomnia because there is no miracle cure better than looking at picture of Coco and pictures of hats.

Q: How can I tell the degree of Pippi's insomnia?

A: Look at the # of posts/year.

Q: I'm sorry 2007 was such a tough year for you.

A: That's not a question, that's just a nice comment.

Q: I just want you to get a great night's sleep.

A: Thanks, that makes me feel really cared for.

Q: Where did you find this photo of cookie monster.

A: On ebay, like how a normal person would.

Q: What if I don't wear the costume you told me to wear.

A: I'll cancel Halloween for my future kids.

Q: Will our future kids be friends?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you still like Coco?

A: Yes.

Q: Even though time has passed?

A: ARE YOU SHITTING ME. THIS WOMAN SAVED MY G-DDAMN LIFE.

Q: Is PippiPicks back?

A: Only one way to find out.

SHHH... YOU KNOW ME...

DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.JUST PUT IT ON:<3

Hurricane Watch: IS COCO OK??????

It's the end of the world here in NYC.
AND IF I'M GOING TO GET CRUNCHED BY A HURRICANE, I'M GOING TO GET CRUNCHED WITHOUT PANTS ON!!I MEAN, I'M STILL GOING TO WEAR A TIE.

But I'm not happy about it.

THIS IS WHAT TUXEDO LEOTARDS ARE FOR: DIGNITY!

When the street floods, I'll be like, "ZZZZZ! I'm not wearing pants anyway, you assholes. Take my pants!"

BUT DON'T TAKE MY SUNGLASSES WITH ATTACHED GOLDEN EYEBROWS, YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!YOU. ASSHOLES!!!!!

You KNOW I can't see without my eyebrow glasses!!!!!!!Mayor's talking allllllllllllll about this hurricane, but NOT ONCE has he said, "Is COCO safe, fer chrissake???"

Wait - is Coco safe? Cabos...First day here,7 more days to go.Yah!"

Thank cog - she's fine. She's in Cabo.

She tweeted: "The sound of the waves while I bake is nice."

Ok, I feel better now. If Coco's safe, Sol Good.

Rompers P.S.

I know that on March 4 I talked up rompers, but I have a P.S.: Let's be honest with ourselves: There are some outfits that even models can't work. The woman pictured below is a model but she looks like a pillow with a face: I'd still do her, but we need the straight talk express: this romper has ruined this model's career. Thank g-d she's not a a butt model or she'd be broke. Other Unflattering Rompers: This model has a poopy-diaper-looking saggy romper crotch: This model has no feet: I don't even know what happened to her: Oh, shit. This is the same model as that other model in the striped romper. Someone is out to get her so they can take her house: Wait - is this the same model, too, or some other model? Something weird's going on. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm still pro-romper, but then again, my ass is so nice I could sell shit to a llama if you know what I mean. These models need to take a page from my book if they want to make that ca$h.

Rompers and Furs

Y'all KNOW that if I had my way, I'd wear rompers every day:No bra, no shoes, no underpants.
With a fur coat on over itActually, you should probably just go straight to this page:

Wear a Jumpsuit: You Have No Excuse

I've long advised you to wear onesies and you always try to get out of it:
"Blah, blah, blah, I can't wear a jumpsuit in the shower,"
"Blah blah, not today, I can't wear a jumpsuit to work, blah blah,"
"Blah blah, there's no onesie emporium in my neighborhood."
WELL,
now you don't have an excuse because I have found your perfect jumpsuit source: theurbancollection.com.

Just look at all the fine jumpsuits they have in stock:

Red!
Pink!
Leopard!
Gold!
Hot pink!
And you can top it off with a leather jacket and still have time to make your court date:
"Not guilty, your honor."
If wearing one-piece clothes is a crime, I don't want to be right."

Topshop Opens in NYC and You Don't Have to Go!

Topshop, a British store, opened in NYC today and people went a little cwazy (so I heard) and stood in a line, etc, etc.

DON'T WORRY, READERS! You don't have to go to that crowded store opening! I have picked out the top, most fine picks for you to dress yourself with! Now you, too, can be British!

My #1 Top Pick from Topshop is this beatiful unitard:

#2 pick is this fine and fancy floral blazer:
I mean, you can also get other things at Topshop like stripey dresses,
bright raincoats,
OR LACE CROPPED SHIRTS!!!!!!
They also sell things like green shoes:

and playsuits, for playing in:I learned a valuable lesson snooping around Topshop.com:

DID YOU KNOW THAT BRITISH PEOPLE CALL ROLLING SUITCASES "TROLLEYS?" You did? Oh. Well, I didn't and I'm SHOCKED.

Pippi Picks JUMPSUITS

This week, you hafta wear a JUMPSUIT.If you're too wussy to show that you CRAVE ONESIES, hide it under your tuxedo jacket and jeans SO NO ONE BUT YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOUR SHOULDERS AND COOCH ARE ATTACHED!!!!!!!
Also, add the denim model above to our collection of PIPPI PICKS OFFICIAL TATTOOED MODELS!

Pippi Picks Okley by M.I.A.

M.I.A., my favorite knocked-up musician, has designed a line of stripey looks!

Now you can wear a M.I.A. onesie!!!!!!!!!
You can have M.I.A.'s seductive face on your seductive front!The jacket is my favorite:
I wish M.I.A. was pregnant with ME! Then I could go to all of her shows for FREE. Tummy-row seats!!!!!!!

You Can Be Iron Man!

GUYS - I went to see Iron Man yesterday and it was SO GREAT!!!!
It was funny!
Thrilling!
Educational!
Robert Downey Jr! What a guy!
A real class act!
Good job, Iron Friends!

To celebrate, I want you to dress up like Iron Man for a few weeks.
I am already wearing my suit! Mine is made out of metal. I can't go pee!
Oh, wait. I can.
This is horrible.

Reader Query

In the comments section of the last post, "Jonah," a regular reader, asked me this question:

"ear pippi,

if you were building an artificial man out of clay and using kabbalistic ritual to bring this golem to life, how would you clothe him? keep in mind that he will probably either grow to be enormous and wreck stuff. on the other hand, he might kill nazis instead.

keep in mind that i already made him, his name's Merv"

Ear Jonah,

I think this clay man should wear a snowman costume:

That way, if he starts attacking people they won't mind. I mean, would you mind if a cuddly snowman starting wrecking stuff? I would think it was cute.

Also then you can teach him the Young Jeezy song where he sings, "I'M THE SNOWMAN, BITCH!"

Coco Sweeps the Pippi Awards

Yes! At last!
This is what you should wear EVERY DAY!
To support you, I will wear this every day too.

Timeless!
One piece!
Shiny!
Show your squishies!!

You who else needs to wear this?
COCO, ICE T'S WONDERFULLY SQUISHY WIFE!!!For wearing a small bikini, I am awarding Coco the Pippi Picks 2007/2008 Special Squishy and Formerly Known as Nicole Austin Then Married Ice T Award.

I'ma gonna hug your butt, Coco!

Pippi Picks Your Perfect Outfit

This might be my favorite outfit ever:
A bodysuit with a detachable skirt! Perfect!

Put the skirt on when you go to work...Then if you come across a swimming pool on your coffee break, BLAM!
TEAR OFF THE SKIRT!WORK IT!!
GET IN THE POOL!!
GET A NICE HUSBAND!!!!!!
GREAT LEGS!!
WORK THAT CRACK!