Where the Wild Clothes Are

Spike Jonze made "Where the Wild Things Are," which OF COURSE I didn't see (because, as you know, I'm waaaay to busy drinking Tecate and watching Tool Academy to go to the movies).

ALso, that movie seemed boring. No fight scenes. No car scenes. No point.
THEN, Spike Jonze did something better: He made "Where the Wild Clothes Are."YES, you can buy these clothes. Click Here to buy these furry clothes!
PLEASE BUY THESE FURRY CLOTHES FOR YOUR WILD MOM FOR MOM'S DAY!!
I KNOW SHE WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A WILD MOM!!!

What are these guys called? I read that book a long time ago. All I can remember is that there was a guy named Max in that book.

PIPPI'S REVIEW OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (based on memories):
There is a lot of gray. Max is a kid and he's upset about his parents or something. He's standing in the other room. Then he's on an island with lots of plumes. There's some rhyming. The wild things jump and shout I think and then Max feels emotionally liberated. Things don't change that much at home.

Rompers and Furs

Y'all KNOW that if I had my way, I'd wear rompers every day:No bra, no shoes, no underpants.
With a fur coat on over itActually, you should probably just go straight to this page:

The Perfect Bride

It's decided:

I have picked the perfect wedding outfit!

White feather coat:No pants!

Now he or she is never gonna leave you!
He or she is gonna be like, "I'm marrying the hottest bitch on the block. This wife has no pants."

GREG Picks: Soda Protection

Once again, I've fallen WAY behind on Reader Picks.

Readers, if you're reading this, I appreciate and cherish your Picks and I'm going to get off my duff and get them on the site soon, just as soon as I can tear myself away from my seltzer machine and stop doing all the important work I have to do, like watching reruns of The Biggest Loser and cooking in the nude and other things.

For starters, here is a picture that was sent to me by loyal reader GREG:He offered the following insight:

"if you have seltzer everywhere, you're going to need to wear this. (for protection)"

Wear a Jumpsuit: You Have No Excuse

I've long advised you to wear onesies and you always try to get out of it:
"Blah, blah, blah, I can't wear a jumpsuit in the shower,"
"Blah blah, not today, I can't wear a jumpsuit to work, blah blah,"
"Blah blah, there's no onesie emporium in my neighborhood."
WELL,
now you don't have an excuse because I have found your perfect jumpsuit source: theurbancollection.com.

Just look at all the fine jumpsuits they have in stock:

Red!
Pink!
Leopard!
Gold!
Hot pink!
And you can top it off with a leather jacket and still have time to make your court date:
"Not guilty, your honor."
If wearing one-piece clothes is a crime, I don't want to be right."

Topshop Opens in NYC and You Don't Have to Go!

Topshop, a British store, opened in NYC today and people went a little cwazy (so I heard) and stood in a line, etc, etc.

DON'T WORRY, READERS! You don't have to go to that crowded store opening! I have picked out the top, most fine picks for you to dress yourself with! Now you, too, can be British!

My #1 Top Pick from Topshop is this beatiful unitard:

#2 pick is this fine and fancy floral blazer:
I mean, you can also get other things at Topshop like stripey dresses,
bright raincoats,
OR LACE CROPPED SHIRTS!!!!!!
They also sell things like green shoes:

and playsuits, for playing in:I learned a valuable lesson snooping around Topshop.com:

DID YOU KNOW THAT BRITISH PEOPLE CALL ROLLING SUITCASES "TROLLEYS?" You did? Oh. Well, I didn't and I'm SHOCKED.

SPRING? S'I DON'T SINK SO!!!!!!!

S'ALMOST SPRING! Don't it make you want t'wear pink high heels?OH WAIT!!!! NEVERMIND, IT'S -50 DEGREES TODAY IN NYC!!!!!!!! THAT'S THE WEATHERMAN'S WAY OF TELLING YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
PUT YOUR COAT BACK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hide Your Neck with a Puffy Poof

Hide your neck!
No neck = NO PROBLEM.

Pippi Picks Okley by M.I.A.

M.I.A., my favorite knocked-up musician, has designed a line of stripey looks!

Now you can wear a M.I.A. onesie!!!!!!!!!
You can have M.I.A.'s seductive face on your seductive front!The jacket is my favorite:
I wish M.I.A. was pregnant with ME! Then I could go to all of her shows for FREE. Tummy-row seats!!!!!!!

Professional Pippi

One of the saddest things about working a serious job is that I have to take my jammies off. No jammies for eight hours??!!!! R U 4 SERIOUS??? U CAN'T B SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?? THE ECONOMY'S IN THE POOP HOUSE?
OK, I UN-QUIT!!!!!!!!
WAIT - THAT MEANS I HAVE TO TAKE MY JAMMIES OFF AGAIN. FUUUCKK!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!
A sad cycle.

Ok, I can't quit and become a jammie model due to economic problems (broke). I realize that I can not wear my hoodie to the office and need to wear prissy jackets. If I have to wear jackets, at least I should wear a white tuxedo jacket like this:
I have started wearing this prissy swingy thing every day that looks kind of like this:
Most of the day I'm just like, "DUDE - JUST DON'T SPILL ON YOURSELF FOR A FEW MORE HOURS, OK??? JUST STICK THE LUNCH IN YOUR MOUTH-HOLE AND DON'T TAKE ANY WEIRD DETOURS OR MASH IT ON YOUR BOOB OR SOMETHING - OHHHH!!!!!!! 2 LATE."

I guess I could branch out and get some frilly things like this lady BUT LOOK WHAT IT DID TO HER LIPS!!!!!!! IT MADE HER LOOK LIKE A GUPPY!!!!!!!!!!
AND THIS MODEL IN THIS LITTLE WHITE THING IS, LIKE SUPER DRUNK OR STONED OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I guess if this model was allowed to come to work sauced I don't see why I can't.
I just got a call - this model is not stoned, she had just come out of a viewing of "Four Christmases."

Californian Whores

Today my picks for you come from shopplanetblue.com.
The website says that it sells clothes for "musicians, muses, models, writers and designers. " From what I can tell, that means "wealthy whores from Southern California."

Planet Blue has answered my most fervent prayer: That I be allowed to wear my flannel jammies as respectable day clothes. Here is their solution: A flannel dress (or DRAMMIE - half DRESS, half JAMMIE).
They also sell fantasticly yak-looking furry vests. YAK ATTACK!!!!!!! NO NEED 4 SHIRTS W/FUR ON BOOBZ!!
Other models have cast away their pants:
They also sell everyday wear like this jewel and feather dress:
What's really freaking me out, though, is that the model below is wearing a poncho with THE SAME PRINT AS A GYPSY SCARF DRESS-UP OUTFIT MY SISTERS' AND I HAD AS CHILDREN!!! WHY IS THIS MODEL USING TIME MACHINES AND STEALING FROM MY PAST!!!!! DOESN'T SHE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN USE TIME MACHINES TO STEAL FROM CHILDREN??????
In other news, isn't the "plum" dress below very tasteful?
See, now that I'm employed, I use words like "tasteful" and "splendid!" as in "what a tasteful and splendid file cabinet!"

TGIF Work Outfit

I've picked out a TGIF outfit for you to wear to work tomorrow.
It's built around this MAGNIFICENT GOLDER DIAPER:
The diaper is going to draw eyes to you like bbeez 2 honey so keep it quiet and classy up top with this little shirt:
You can cover up with this gold-splashed jacket when the prudes come calling:
I also think you should carry this boombox purse WHICH PLAYS MUSIC OUT OF ITS SPEAKERS and blast Danity Kane:
Ok, you're dressed.
On second thought, throw on this necklace so you can get the money husbands:

Top Cuteness Vendors 2008

Regular readers ADAM and HANNO found an amazing catalog that Adam sent along to me.
Deva Lifewear is a store that sells roomy, earth-friendly sacks and jammies to hippies and probably a lot of the earth mamas I grew up with (see example below for insights into my childhood):
What they don't advertise on the website, though, is what they are really selling is SERIOUS CUTENESS!!

THIS HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS FREAKIN' HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A CUTE FESTIVAL!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LIKE AT LEAST 60,000 BABY ANIMALS PLUS CERTAIN PHOTOS OF PIPPI'S LITTLE SIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!THIS TUNIC COMES WITH A FREE CAT!!!!!!!!!
U CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!
Other cuteness vendors, step off.
This woman is going to kick the shit out of you:
B back in 5 - I have to go order some Spirit Bells.

HAH! LE CAVOOF!

This weekend, I want you to wear something that will add an element of surprise to your life.

When you walk toward your admirers, they will say, "Oh. She is wearing le jacket! Whatoovs!"
That's when you turn around and say,
"OOF! I HAVE CAVOOFED YOU!"
"SACRE BLEU!" they'll say. "LE CAVOOF!"
"OUI! LE CAVOOF!"
"ONCE AGAIN, WE HAVE BEEN CAVOOFED BY OUR OWN CALOOOVF!"
"Yes. Once again, Madeliene."

Hah hah!
You are truly le bouf cazvoof!!!!!

Patriots Fans - Heal Your Soul With FRINGE

I am devastated that the Patriot's perfect season was RUINED by the forces of the bad winds or some other bad luck!
How could they lose? HOWWWWWWWWWWW???????????????????

I'm going to console myself by wrapping myself in sensual fringe:
I FEEL BETTER ALREADY!

I will feel even BETTER if I pair that jacket with this purse:
DAMN YOU, NY GIANTS-FAVORING WINDS OF CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!