PippiPicks Crotch Bullseye

For days you can't answer the question: "How do I find the area from which I should gather the menstrual blood for the ritual?"

Bona Drag Picks Druid Hood, Etc

I have just been won over by the Bona Drag Boutique, because there are lots of things there that I don't understand, including:

Arm Chains?Something called a "Druid Hood:"A SEE-THRU WEDDING DRESS!And, best of all, a NO PANTS SITUATION!!!!These buyers have been following my advice carefully, I see.

PLEASE Wear This

Please, PLEASE wear this shirt on your next date:You will LIGHT FIRES with your hotttt boddyyyy.
It also comes in pink:I want one.
Wouldn't life be great if the only clothes in your closet were that green shirt, the pink shirt, and this dress?And maybe a pair of rollerblades.

Big Shoulders, Big Shoes

Gurl, how come all your shirts don't have shoulder pads??You should drefinitely werk that!!!!! And get some real tall shoes to get those shoulders UPP!!!! UP to the ROOFE!!!Mama SAID there'd be days like this.

Where the Wild Clothes Are

Spike Jonze made "Where the Wild Things Are," which OF COURSE I didn't see (because, as you know, I'm waaaay to busy drinking Tecate and watching Tool Academy to go to the movies).

ALso, that movie seemed boring. No fight scenes. No car scenes. No point.
THEN, Spike Jonze did something better: He made "Where the Wild Clothes Are."YES, you can buy these clothes. Click Here to buy these furry clothes!
PLEASE BUY THESE FURRY CLOTHES FOR YOUR WILD MOM FOR MOM'S DAY!!
I KNOW SHE WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A WILD MOM!!!

What are these guys called? I read that book a long time ago. All I can remember is that there was a guy named Max in that book.

PIPPI'S REVIEW OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (based on memories):
There is a lot of gray. Max is a kid and he's upset about his parents or something. He's standing in the other room. Then he's on an island with lots of plumes. There's some rhyming. The wild things jump and shout I think and then Max feels emotionally liberated. Things don't change that much at home.

Pippi Picks ShopFatal.com

Hi Friends,

OMG, so many things have happened lately we're going to have to chat for 300 hours! LOL ROFLMAO.

MEANWHILE, I think you should get a full wardrobe at website ShopFatal.com because they have ALL the lookz you need to COOK the streets with style:

Per esempio:
Darth Sweater: Stretchy Cat Hat:Prom Dress:And Tall Shoes to bottom it off:
A complete look! No more problems!

BODACIOUS STEPHEN

I just got an email from STEPHEN, who is a BODACIOUS and SLAMMIN' man, A MAN UNAFRAID TO VOMIT BEHIND A FRIENDLY'S and he had some important things to share:

1. Pictures of people wearing food.
2. Pictures of zippered things.

I was really relieved to see that this tattooed lady found the meatballs she was looking for:I also feel spiritually inspired by these Kale Earrings, AKA KEARRINGS, because they are both FLATTERING, NUTRITIOUS, AND SANITARY:Meanwhile, this model is fed up and not going to take it anymore. We've all been there: Sometimes you want some tummy time and nothing should stop you:

Also, FYI: This shoe is hiding another guy's shoe:
S-EAKER, I applaud you. Also, I love you because you are a special guy.

Bad Cop is Back

CHRIST!

What the hell happened??
I have been off the grid but now am sadly back on the grid and prepared to pick more PICKS.

I'm out of shape so let's start slowly:

To welcome me back, I'd like you to wear this combination prison stripe/ballerina dress:
Slutz in the house, please feel free to pair with giant heels:Bad cop is back, ho-bags.

Wedding Mania MEGAPOST

Big news, y'all: 2, yes, TWO of my coworkers have recently gotten engaged and have asked me to marry them AKA recommend wedding gowns.

DON'T WORRY, COWORKERS! NO NEED TO CALL OFF THE WEDDINGS! I WILL HELP WITH THIS EXCELLENT SELECTION OF WEDDING PICKS!!!

Luckily, these Bridez happen to be especially fine, intelligent, capable, and good-hearted women and their Groomz are both especially fine, endearing, grounded, and good-hearted dudes THUS these are HAPPY weddings, not SAD, STRANGE weddings, which I am sure many of you have been to.

TO CELEBRATE, my engagement gift to these pairs is a POST of PICKS to ensure that they have EXCELLENT, FERTILE, and, ROBUST WEDDINGS.

AS WE DISCUSSED, a good wedding dress is like a good mullet: Short in front and flowing train in the back:
For the slutz in the crowd, may I also recommend this version:
Of course, you could also go in the other direction and rock a professional white jumpsuit with hat and bowtie:
LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES, ok. I think we all know that a leopard dress with muff and Santa Hat is both classic and reverent:
There's also nothing wrong with doing a lot of coke, breaking into a department store, and skipping the wedding, like the bride below did:
If you love your ass as much as I love mine, you might want to work it in a mini with ass-enhancers:
If you are really sleepy, this dress comes with a built-in neck pillow:
MEANWHILE, some cultures celebrate weddings in RED, not WHITE, and I think you should look into that, especially if that means you end up wearing this:
If you're trying to hide your feet from your fiancee, cover them up with this foot poof:
Personally, I think you should ditch the white, do head-to-toe sequins and show up at the aisle like, "BA-BAM! MARRY ME NOW, DICK-BAG!:"
"I'M HOT AS A DISCO BALL, BAY-BAY!"
If you want my honest opinion, I think you should wear a golden sheath with shag padding:
My coworker, LIZ, of Snuggie/Slanket fame, mentioned that she wants to wear sleeves on her wedding day. I kind of like the idea of sleeves and no pants:
Of course, not as much as I like the idea of surprising your groom at the huppah in a giant Ursula costume:
AND NOT AS MUCH AS I LIKE THIS WEDDING OUTFIT:
Ok, enough hemming and hawing! DRUMROLL, PLEASE for the PIPPI PICKS 2009 TOP WEDDING PICK FOR 2010!!!
MY TOP PICK FOR 2009/2010 IS....PEACOCK WITH GOLF CLUBS!!!
WAIT, BRIDES!!!
GAME NOT OVER!!!
YOU NEED YOUR BRIDAL SHOES!!

Liz, in your honor, I have found these bejeweled shoes:
Rachel, in your honor I have found these star heels, because you're gonna exclusion them with inciders:
For both ladiezz: My top pick is these shoes, WHICH COME WITH THEIR OWN TINY VEIL! JUST THINK, EVEN THE SHOES ARE FILLED WITH BRIDAL MODESTY AND NAIVETE!!!!
I MEAN, you could also just go with zebra shoes:
What's most important is that your heels are very, very high so that you look like a towering, bridal monster!

The fear in your guests hearts can be off-set by a glittering quinceanera tiara!
Of course, don't step into that bridal booth without big Beyonce jewels!!"YOU LIKE IT AND DID, IN FACT, PUT A RING ON IT!" was the working chorus.

ANY QUESTIONS???
I THINK THIS COVERS IT.

Now your wedding planning is done and you can go back to making me grandchildren.

SEE YOU IN VEGAS!!!!
For more wedding planning advice, CLICK HERE for the Pippi Picks BRIDES archives
for info about:
-- Fabulous Casual
-- More wedding dress picks
--Target wedding gowns
-- Motley Crue Weddings
-- Upstaging the bride
-- Pregnant slutz
-- Complete wedding plan

AND OF COURSE, YOU CAN ALWAYS PULL A PANDA:
[yes, a picture of panda anderson on wedding day]

Flash Your Boob Tattoos!!

I think you should wear a dress with such a low V that everyone can see the bikini tan you got this weekend in Central Park:Christ! And get a boob tattoo fer chrissake!!!Get 'em ALL tattooed!!!!!

Topshop Opens in NYC and You Don't Have to Go!

Topshop, a British store, opened in NYC today and people went a little cwazy (so I heard) and stood in a line, etc, etc.

DON'T WORRY, READERS! You don't have to go to that crowded store opening! I have picked out the top, most fine picks for you to dress yourself with! Now you, too, can be British!

My #1 Top Pick from Topshop is this beatiful unitard:

#2 pick is this fine and fancy floral blazer:
I mean, you can also get other things at Topshop like stripey dresses,
bright raincoats,
OR LACE CROPPED SHIRTS!!!!!!
They also sell things like green shoes:

and playsuits, for playing in:I learned a valuable lesson snooping around Topshop.com:

DID YOU KNOW THAT BRITISH PEOPLE CALL ROLLING SUITCASES "TROLLEYS?" You did? Oh. Well, I didn't and I'm SHOCKED.