Big news, y'all: 2, yes, TWO of my coworkers have recently gotten engaged and have asked me to marry them AKA recommend wedding gowns.
DON'T WORRY, COWORKERS! NO NEED TO CALL OFF THE WEDDINGS! I WILL HELP WITH THIS EXCELLENT SELECTION OF WEDDING PICKS!!!
Luckily, these Bridez happen to be especially fine, intelligent, capable, and good-hearted women and their Groomz are both especially fine, endearing, grounded, and good-hearted dudes THUS these are HAPPY weddings, not SAD, STRANGE weddings, which I am sure many of you have been to.
TO CELEBRATE, my engagement gift to these pairs is a POST of PICKS to ensure that they have EXCELLENT, FERTILE, and, ROBUST WEDDINGS.
AS WE DISCUSSED, a good wedding dress is like a good mullet: Short in front and flowing train in the back:
For the slutz in the crowd, may I also recommend this version:
Of course, you could also go in the other direction and rock a professional white jumpsuit with hat and bowtie:
LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES, ok. I think we all know that a leopard dress with muff and Santa Hat is both classic and reverent:
There's also nothing wrong with doing a lot of coke, breaking into a department store, and skipping the wedding, like the bride below did:
If you love your ass as much as I love mine, you might want to work it in a mini with ass-enhancers:
If you are really sleepy, this dress comes with a built-in neck pillow:
MEANWHILE, some cultures celebrate weddings in RED, not WHITE, and I think you should look into that, especially if that means you end up wearing this:
If you're trying to hide your feet from your fiancee, cover them up with this foot poof:
Personally, I think you should ditch the white, do head-to-toe sequins and show up at the aisle like, "BA-BAM! MARRY ME NOW, DICK-BAG!:"
"I'M HOT AS A DISCO BALL, BAY-BAY!"
If you want my honest opinion, I think you should wear a golden sheath with shag padding:
My coworker, LIZ,
of Snuggie/Slanket fame, mentioned that she wants to wear sleeves on her wedding day. I kind of like the idea of sleeves and no pants:
Of course, not as much as I like the idea of surprising your groom at the huppah in a giant Ursula costume:
AND NOT AS MUCH AS I LIKE THIS WEDDING OUTFIT:
Ok, enough hemming and hawing! DRUMROLL, PLEASE for the PIPPI PICKS 2009 TOP WEDDING PICK FOR 2010!!!
MY TOP PICK FOR 2009/2010 IS....PEACOCK WITH GOLF CLUBS!!!
WAIT, BRIDES!!!
GAME NOT OVER!!!
YOU NEED YOUR BRIDAL SHOES!!
Liz, in your honor, I have found these bejeweled shoes:
Rachel, in your honor I have found these star heels, because you're gonna exclusion them with inciders:
For both ladiezz: My top pick is these shoes, WHICH COME WITH THEIR OWN TINY VEIL! JUST THINK, EVEN THE SHOES ARE FILLED WITH BRIDAL MODESTY AND NAIVETE!!!!
I MEAN, you could also just go with zebra shoes:
What's most important is that your heels are very, very high so that you look like a towering, bridal monster!
The fear in your guests hearts can be off-set by a glittering quinceanera tiara!
Of course, don't step into that bridal booth without big Beyonce jewels!!
"YOU LIKE IT AND DID, IN FACT, PUT A RING ON IT!" was the working chorus.
ANY QUESTIONS???
I THINK THIS COVERS IT.
Now your wedding planning is done and you can go back to making me grandchildren.
SEE YOU IN VEGAS!!!!
For more wedding planning advice,
CLICK HERE for the Pippi Picks BRIDES archives for info about:
-- Fabulous Casual
-- More wedding dress picks
--Target wedding gowns
-- Motley Crue Weddings
-- Upstaging the bride
-- Pregnant slutz
-- Complete wedding plan
AND OF COURSE, YOU CAN ALWAYS PULL A PANDA:
[yes, a picture of panda anderson on wedding day]
Something called a "Druid Hood:"
A SEE-THRU WEDDING DRESS!
And, best of all, a NO PANTS SITUATION!!!!
These buyers have been following my advice carefully, I see.
No pants!
Personally, I think the true masters of Fab Cas are Motley Crue. I am ALL ABOUT Motley Crue these days:
See? The ULTIMATE wedding theme is a MOTLEY CRUE-THEMED WEDDING!!!
The groom just needs to pick out leather pants!
I mean, if he wants to be romantic, he can wear lime-green cheetah boots to match the bride's pants:
Then again, maybe the bride AND groom should just wear gold dresses and call it a day...
This wedding is going to be AWESOME.
Classy, fluffy.
Don't be offended if your mangroom tries to kiss the poodle instead of you, his betrothed! With two white puffies on the alter, he's bound to be delightfully confused!
I was going to recommend the chandeliered dress below, but I think there's a serious design flaw: The chandeliers should be attached TO the dress. Just think how the bride will sparkle with tinkling crystals hanging from her legs and hair!
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, which is why you may want to dress up like a giant cupcake for your Day of Union:
There is one dress that you can't wear, though, because I am going to be wearing it everywhere, including the doctor's office and your wedding: Feather Poof!
YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Giant bird pile!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pillow explosion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOO comfortable.
The hat is where you hide your flask!
Then you can be all like, "Honey, look what I got you for your birthday! A BABY. YES, I AM GIVING YOU A BABY and I have wrapped it in this bow." It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Actually, you should really just go all the way and dress to impress the whole nine months. 
But why do that when you could romp around in a fringed handkerchief shirt?
This is what I think you should wear to the hospital when you go into labor: 
Pippi's Fashion Rules for Pregnant Times:
