Pippi Picks Thigh Tattoos

This week, I want you to get a thigh tattoo.
COME oN! Do it!!!! It will be so fun!!!!!

The best thing about thigh tattoos is that people can only see them when you're not wearing pants, which I hope is all the time. A TATTOO FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T WEAR PANTS!!! THAT SHOULD BE PERFECT FOR YOU!!!!

Then you'll be part of a special no-pants crowd. Thigh tattoos are especially great for:

SWIMSUIT MODELS!! YESS!! They NEVER have to wear pants. In fact, they CAN'T wear pants. PANTS? NO CHANCE.
Just think: YOU'LL LOOK LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE!! She has a thigh tattoo and she looks GREAT.If you have a job where you need to not wear pants, your tattoo will be especially handy. Lady Gaga is the CEO of No Pants and she understands this. She ran right out the door to get a thigh tattoo:You could be the next Lady Gaga, bro!!!
Just take your pants off and get to WORK.

Here's the thigh tattoo that I'm going to get today:AM I TOO LATE??????????
Once a year, my thigh will know just what to say.

JWOW Launches FILTHY COUTURE

YES!
Jenni Farley, AKA JWOW from Jersey Shore, finally has her own clothing line! FINALLY!
This is called the "Feathers Top:"I am very proud of JWOW for starting this beautiful clothing line BUT I am MOST PROUD of her name for the line: FILTHY COUTURE!

Here are my suggestions for spin-off fashion lines:
NASTY HATS!

FANCY CREEPS

CROTCHLESS COUTURE

CROTCH-HAT MANURE

FILTH-CROTCH ALLURE

SEXY RATS

RATS IN CROTCHLESS HATS COUTURE

This JWow is a woman after my own crotchless heart.
Work that chain bikini!
Also, check out the website: All the models kind of look like JWow.

Y'all are LUCKY I don't have a clothing line where all the models wore what I wore and looked like me because it would look like THIS:
PANDA PARTY!!!!!

Where the Wild Clothes Are

Spike Jonze made "Where the Wild Things Are," which OF COURSE I didn't see (because, as you know, I'm waaaay to busy drinking Tecate and watching Tool Academy to go to the movies).

ALso, that movie seemed boring. No fight scenes. No car scenes. No point.
THEN, Spike Jonze did something better: He made "Where the Wild Clothes Are."YES, you can buy these clothes. Click Here to buy these furry clothes!
PLEASE BUY THESE FURRY CLOTHES FOR YOUR WILD MOM FOR MOM'S DAY!!
I KNOW SHE WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A WILD MOM!!!

What are these guys called? I read that book a long time ago. All I can remember is that there was a guy named Max in that book.

PIPPI'S REVIEW OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (based on memories):
There is a lot of gray. Max is a kid and he's upset about his parents or something. He's standing in the other room. Then he's on an island with lots of plumes. There's some rhyming. The wild things jump and shout I think and then Max feels emotionally liberated. Things don't change that much at home.

MERRY FLEXMAS!

Merry Flexmas.

Two announcements:

1: This necklace is a tiny gold Madonna cone bra:
Second announcement:

I just watched a movie called "Santa with Muscles" starring Hulk Hogan. Hulk is a billionaire who gets amnesia, thinks he's Santa, and saves an orphanage.INCREDIBLE! INCREDIBLE MOVIE!!!!!

AND MILA KUNIS IS ONE OF THE ORPHANS!Big fuckin' deal, Mila.
I've met Santa too, you know.

AND HE GAVE ME AN AUTOGRAPHED PHOTO OF COCO AND ICE T!!!Framed it.

What to Wear to Notorious

My 2 top pics for neckwear this week:

In honor of Biggie's new biopic, Notorious P.I.P. suggests you wear this to the movie theater to show them who you're rooting for: Sadly, I've heard the movie is...bad. This is a disgrace because Biggie is an especially special and squishy guy and his memory deserves better.
TO FIX!
If you are angry with the film makers, show your dismay with this alternate necklace!All fixed!!

Pippi Picks Mamma Mia

Have you seen Mamma Mia?????//
It's un-flucking-bereivable!!!!!!! It's so zucking good!!!!!!!!
I laughed!!!!!!
I clapped!!!!!!!
I threw my shoes!!!!!!!!!!

Below is a video clip of one of the special moments in the movie - when Meryl and Pierce sing passionately to each other. You should watch the whole clip but YOU SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR THE 46-SECOND-MARK WHEN PIERCE SUDDENLY SCREAMS, "WHEN YOU'RE GONNNE!!" TO MERYL.
THAT SCREAM IS ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS IN CINEMA HISTORY AND MY LIFE.

Here is a list of my favorite movies of all time:
1. Jackass 2
2. Jackass 1
3. Kill Bill 1 (especially the scene when Uma kills all 88 Crazy 88s)
4. The Real Cancun
5. Iron Man
6. Gigli (especially the scene when J. Lo does yoga)
7. Mamma Mia

See that? Although I liked Gigli better, Mamma Mia is posting a solid seventh place right now, which is a big deal.
A lot of the credit for this honor goes to Pierce Brosnan's anguished scream in the scene above.

You Can Be Iron Man!

GUYS - I went to see Iron Man yesterday and it was SO GREAT!!!!
It was funny!
Thrilling!
Educational!
Robert Downey Jr! What a guy!
A real class act!
Good job, Iron Friends!

To celebrate, I want you to dress up like Iron Man for a few weeks.
I am already wearing my suit! Mine is made out of metal. I can't go pee!
Oh, wait. I can.
This is horrible.

Mandy Moore and Joss Stone's Daughter is Fighting for Change

I don't think this shirt is that funny but right now I think this shirt is REALLY funny:
Right now, I'm imagining that this girl is trying to really make a difference with the politics and the governmentals and so she joins a bunch of dudes and ladies who are pumped up to git out the vote. They're all wearing t-shirts like this:Or "I am still voting for Huckabee even though he dropped out because I just love a good loon," and then they're yelling,
"Yay! Vote! Yeah!"
and she's yelling,
"I CUT MY OWN HAIR! YES, I DO! I THIS MYSELF!!!! IN MY BATHROOM!!!! WITH A CLIPPERS!!!"

Also, doesn't she look like a cross between Mandy Moore and Joss Stone?
Maybe they smooshed their vagines together and made a daughter. That's where daughters come from, right? And sons come from mixing balls.

In other news: Right now, only Adam has entered the big Pippi Picks contest which means he is definitely going to win. Don't worry! There's still time for you to win the big prize!

The Worst Movie of All Time is Revealed

I know, I know. I'm always trying to get you to wear squishy sacks.
HOWEVER, don't you want to put this on RIGHT NOW?

C'mon, right? Then you can be all like, "Bring me my squishy hat" and "I'm going to go lie down in this hammock now, thank you" and "'My Boss' Daughter,' starring Tara Reid and Ashton Kutcher, WAS THE WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME, EVEN WORSE THAN THE RACIST TRAIN WRECK 'BRINGIN' DOWN DA HOUSE.'"
I'll drink to that, mmm.

Pippi Picks Coyote Ugly

Last night I watched an amazing tv show called "The Search for Picking the Next and Greatest and also Most "Spunkiest" Coyote Ugly Ultimate Bartender," or something like that. It's based on the Coyote Ugly bar chain. As you might remember, this bar had a TERRIBLE movie made about it (called, of course, "Coyote Ugly,") starring Piper Perabo, Leann Rimes, and Tyra Banks. I saw it at the drive in (that was the only good part).

You should watch this TV show and this movie and go to this bar. Why? So you can wear a slutty outfit and pick up chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks. And get drizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzed. On Kamikazeeeeeeessssssssss. And Budddd. With your Booooooooyfriend. Named Hammer. MC Hammer. MC Hammer is your boyfriend? You ANIMAL.

Here's what to wear while sitting in front of your TV. It will help you relate to the characters:

First: You need a shirt that will show off your fun bags. You should also show off your fun tummy.

You also need to wear the littlest shorts possible.Then you should put on cowboy boots because shorts + cowboy boots = chilly knees.
For the last element of your outfit, I give you a choice:
You can either wear a big, nasty Bud belt buckle:
Or a big, classy pin-up belt buckle:

Now jump on the bar and pretend that you are Tom Cruise in "Cocktail." Cogland's Law, bitches.

Twins!

Look - twins! How auspicious! This is a good luck charm, friends, BECAUSE:
1. Pippi is a Gemini. TWINS!!!!
2. Twins, starring Ahnold and Danny Devito, is an OUTSTANDING movie.
These twins, however, look like glam jailbirds. Danny Devito looks like a tiny angel.


Tres, tres auspicious.

How Does Maria Solve Problems?

Are you a first grade teacher? You are? Good.
I have some special advice just for you.
Draw on the wisdom of the great Drooly Andrews and her star turn as "Maria" in The Sound of Music: Bring joy to the Von Trapp home!
Next Monday, run in to your classroom with a wild-eyed look and shout, "Children! The drapes! We'll make play clothes out of drapes!!"
Then you can make yourself this dress:
Put on the dress and start yelling, "Doe! A deer! A female deer!" as you run through the playground and fling flowers into the air. This will surely inspire the children to be FREE!, outsmart any lurking Nazis by hiding with nuns, and overcome the rigors of school by remembering the joy of whiskers and mittens.
Mittens!