Reader Picks: The Pregnant Slut Returns!

I am a longstanding fan of the incredible Lissette, who used to comment here a LONG TIME ago during her first pregnancy as "LISSETTE THE PREGNANT SLUT!" and is an all around amazing human being.

Lissette, in her wisdom, has found these shoes for you, and the brilliant TIANA, in her wisdom, understood that these are an urgent recommendation for you, the people of PippiPicks.

Thank you for keeping your eyes on the prize lo these many years.

Pippi Picks Tassels Sluts

Sluts, what's wrong with your regular t-shirts, you don't have the decency to take like 5 minutes and sew some tassels to them?

This bitch had less free time than you did and she got these tassels on her shorts!!!

And what, now you're going to tell me your underpants and hats don't have tassels on them either??

Don't Worry, Winter Sluts!

It's getting colder so those of you who are sluts are having the problem of being incredibly cold all the time.

There you are, just trying to untangle your nipple tassels from your scarf but your legs are like a polar bear's bed (ice. an ice bed).

Don't stop wearing bra outfits just because it's cold and uncomfortable!!! Just be your whole self!!!!!

Here is the solution: take your feather and string underpants and put it in a box marked "SUMMER" and then put the box in your friend's house.

Go to the box in your house that says "WINTER UNDERPANTS" and take out these leather unders:

Go on with your life.

Coco Update

I don't know have you've been getting your Coco news while I've been sleeping regularly but I know what you've been whispering to yourself in your car or while you're doing a walking meditation:
"How... is... Coco... ?... Yes... Coco, Ice T's wife... Yes... Coco Austin."

Look - she's doing great. She looks like she's doing great. She's a great person. I don't know why the milk I think I have a right to say I'm having a bad day on any day knowing that I can call or visit Coco (probably) and just be moved by her great attitude.

Here are some of the things that have been happening to her lately, I think:

One: She was a devil for halloween who loves popcorn and diet tea and this ghostman in the back understands that the diet tea is a joke about her husband, Ice T, whose T stands for something else.

Two: She attended something called the "Blood and Babes Comic Con" and something called "Make it Nasty Saturdays:"

Three: she redesigned CocosWorld.com, it looks great:

Four: SHE STARTED A MMOTHERFUCKING CLOTHING LINE CALLED LICIOUS CLOTHING THAT NO ONE BOTHERED TO DRIVE TO MY HOUSE TO TELL ME ABOUT AS IF I WOULDN'T OBVIOUSLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, EVERY OUTFIT IS DESIGNED AND MODELED BY COCO:

And she has leather pants for "mens:"

 Mazal tov to Coco on outfitting us all for every kind of situation and emotion:

TEAM COCO ONE HUNDO

team coco one hundo

sorry/not sorry

In 2014, I still believe in life without pants and that you should not wear pants and it should not be a problem.

But if you work at a place where it would be a bad problem to not wear pants or you have horrible friends who try to leg shame you when you're just trying to live your life and feel a nice breeze, here is a good sweatshirt to wear by itself:

Because it will be a real mindfuck:
friends: where are the pants
you: i forgot
friends: but this says oops which means when you put the sweatshirt on you knew that you were going to make an oops which means it was not oops, it was your plan coming to life
you: oops
friends: why are you friends with me, i suck the joy from your day
you: i like your parents

Shortspants, the Name of a British Horse?

A poem:

One side shorts
One side pants
Shortspants, shortspants
Shortspants dance.

ANONYMOUS Picks Golden Shorts

Many thanks to "Anonymous," who wrote a very friendly and nice comment on the last post. What a nice guy, girl, or other! "Anon" also came through BIG TIME and picked these fine, golden, frilly shortS:From the front, the shorts are strange. From the back... the shorts have a see-through mesh panel.From either side, these shorts are $2,680. WERF. IT. Nice work, Anonymous!

Pippi Picks Legs

This Valentines Day, Love Your Legs!
Legslegslegslegslegslegslegs!

This Valentine's Day, Eat EGGS!!!!!!
This Valentine's Day.......GROW EXTRA LEGS!!!!!

Show Your Crotch in 2010

Hi friends!
Happy Jew Year!

You know what I like about high-waisted jeans? They really show off the crotch.
Just think: When your kids are grown, you can say: "THis is a picture of me when I was your age. And this is the outline of my crotch."Camel Ho.
Camel what?

No, but seriously.

Dick Problems

This girl is thinking:


"OH NO! WHERE'S MY DICK???"YOU LEFT IT AT MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT!!

The East Village Changes A Man

Big news at Pippi Picks Studios (PPS): Myself and Boyflame have moved homes and now live in a NEW NEIGHBORHOOD, the newfangled EAST VILLAGE.

LOOK, GUYS, a lot of things have changed around here. Now that I live in the East Village, I'M much BETTER LOOKING and I know I've never felt this before, but NOW WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS BE A PHOTOGRAPHER AND DESIGN LEATHERGOODS, AKA what I'm going to do is web design for an ad agency until it's time to have a kid.

Also, as soon as we moved, things have really changed for BOYF and I:

WE'VE STARTED WEARING LEATHER SHORTS all the time:
AND WE'VE STOPPED WEARING LACES:
AND WE DON'T NEED THEM, BUT WE BOTH GOT EYEGLASSES:AND SPIKEY JEWELS:AND WE'VE BEEN COVERING OUR FACES WITH BIG DOTS, AND SOMETIMES WOLVES:


LOOK, GUYS, YOU JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE HERE IN THE VILLAGE.

I Want to get in Katy Perry's Hot Pants!!

MAN, I want sparkly hot pants SO BADAND I WANT TO WEAR THEM TO WORK!!!

When I say, "I want to get in Katy Perry's pants!" I mean it!How come she gets to wear all the small shorts????

Give me some of those shorts, Katy.

I wore a shirt and no pants AND I LIKED IT!! I LIKED IT!!!!!

Take Off Your Pants!

Take off your pants!

Now, shake your butt!

Now, put these pants on!!!
Now drink some jus d'orange!
Now stop drinking it!

Now put on an eye patch and pretend to be Tom Cruise in Valkyrie!!
Now stop doing that!
Seriously, stop doing that!

Seriously. Stoppppp.

Pippi Picks HEELYS

This week, I want you to wear HEELYS, those shoes with HIDDEN WHEELS:
OH MY SHOOT, I WANT HEELYS SOOOOOOOOOO BAD!!!!! If I was Christian, I would put them on my Easter list or whatever happens on that holiday.

Ok, ok, ok, so we decided: This week we're all wearing our Heelys and parachute pants.
Whoo!
I'm going SO FAST around the restaurant!!!!!!!
I got got to work in only TWENTY-FIVE minutes instead of about THRTY-FIVE to FORTY minutes!!!!
I just jumped out of a copter and I landed SOFTLY, LIKE A CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crotch

FINALLY, PANTS WITH A CROTCH BIG ENOUGH 4 MY BALLZ:
FFFFFFFFF

Pants Alert from Haute Hank

Bonjour!
I'm trying to learn French while I'm unemployed. Here are the words I've learned:
BONJOUR!!!!!!!
MERCI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
ORANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!
PARIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PATE!!!!!!!!!!!

As the French would say, "Pippi is the King of Le France!!!!!!!!!! Pippi bonjour fromage orange!!!!!!!!"

Meanwhile, Haute Hank would like to encourage you to wear these pants:
As the French would say: "HANK merci vin tartine pom poulet poulet!!!!!! POULET, HANK! POULET!!!!!!!!!!"

MERCI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AS THE FRENCHIES SAY, "BYE BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Da-Doing

Guys -
This week you need to wear these jeans:Splatter pants!
All the colors of the nation!
The Olympic spirit of peace!!!!!!!!!
The hope of a generation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Splatter butt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clam party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: Wear them with these shoes - DA-DUH:::
DA-DOING!!!!!!

Haute Hank Update

As I'm sure you can imagine, Haute Hank's toast at our cousin's wedding was a rousing success! Classy! Stylish! Brief! He also made them a book detailing the history of Fabulous Casual.

After the wedding, while I was busy bringing joy to other nations, Haute Hank was minding the fashion pulse of USA!
Here is one of his discoveries:
"This dress has a built in bib/napkin," he said. He also explained to me that this is a photo of Becki Newton, an actress from Ugly Betty. A true professional, he also knew that she was wearing Gucci. I was unaware of these things and was focused on trying to get mustard stains out of my white pants.

He also sent me a link for these many-zippered pantalons which I think are supposed to have something to do with Andy Warhol.Verdict: The pants look nothing like him.

Cultural Lessons From Gay Paris

Bonjour!
I have returned to the Pippi Picks offices for a few days before disappearing again!

While I was in Gay Paris, I walked past a store called "Pimkie," which I assume is French for PIPPI.
I think it is a French-fried Wet Seal-type store that sells teen girl clothes. Just look at how happy French teens are!!!!!!!!
While strolling and drinking cafe creme and citron presse, I discovered that, INDEED, Frenchies smoke cigarettes, drink wine, eat fromage, etc. Here is what I noticed about the fashion of the French: They wear white pants! These pants are also clean!
This taught me my most important cultural lesson:
Unlike people of other nations, the French do not sit in poop, rub sauce on their legs, or menstruate on themselves. WHAT A FINE NATION! A people who can picnic in parks with nary a green butt!

Keyboard Pants Pick-Up Lines

Keyboard pants! Good point, Jess!
Yes, these need to be addressed:
Click on the "pic" to read keyboard-pants-related pick-up lines!

Here are my own keyboard-pants-lines:
1) "These are not a piano keyboard pants! These are computer pants!"
2) "I'd like to stick my computer in your asshole."
3) "I am hooked up to the internet! That means you can check the weather! On my schlong."

Now go! Buy these computerized pants and try these hot pick-up lines!