Pippi Picks Hanno's Coat

Hanno is a regular commentator on Pippi Picks and she recently commented that she's in the market for a coat. That was her first mistake. Now I am going to forcefully pressure her into wearing a coat I have picked instead of one she likes.

Hanno, I'm of many minds about this coat. 50% of me thinks you should get a coat in a dark, foreboding color that tells everyone to buzz off.
Like, "Buzz off! I am wearing a gray swingy that I had monogrammed with my family name!"

Or Buzz off! I have scarves and things around my neck!!!
REMEMBER THE DANGER OF SCARVES!!!!!!!!!!
Then 75% of me is thinking that you should go the other direction and wear a bright, happy coat that encourages everyone to bake and write valentines:
Like, happy ruffles, right?
Also, WOULD WE ALL NOT DIE OF CUTENESS IF YOU RAN AROUND IN A LITTLE RED HOODED SWINGY? Yes, we would.
But if that's too big of a decision you could always be a classy babe and wear wintry white:Like, 35% of me thinks you should act like a sandwich and get all wrapped up in a major pouf:
Then another 20% thinks you should wear this mancoat and man around:

Although it is shamefully impractical, aren't you kind of digging this whole short-sleeve coat thing going around? I won't tell anyone. I'm about 70% thinking you should rock this.Ok, I've taken a look at my percentages here and drawn this pie chart to help you decide which coat to get:
All done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Doe a deer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretzel time!!!!!!!!!1

Senseless Violence

Oh no!

This scarf has eaten the head off this model!
Maybe the bitch deserved it.

Food-Related

For the Day of Atonement I'm once again with my fashion guru/cousin, Henry. Here's what he had to say about these shoes:

"It's like a spinach explosion!"

Then we got very upset.

Henry says, "We have breaking news! Our beloved friend, Cookie Monster of Sesame Street, has passed on."

We our afraid that he has been turned into a Versace smock and bag:Oh, Cookie!

Henry says, "That fruit might have been his last!"

Get the Car - We Need More Clamato

It's still warm out but lately I've been wanting to stomp around in a big ol' coat like this one:
Light my cigarette, Pierre! Come eat a doggie treat, my petite chien blanc! Let us roll through the park in matching dog-and-owner sunglasses!

Dr. Chex Mix Saves the Day

This is a dress, but it looks like golden jammies:
Pippi: Doctor, you've got to help me! Everything I touch while sleeping turns to gold!

Dr: You mean everything you touch turns to fabulous, girl.

Pippi: You're right. I just had the wrong attitude. Why, when I went to sleep last night, this nightshirt was sad flannel plaid! Now it's made out of pure fabulous!

Dr: To the club!

Pippi: Yes! To the club!

Nurse Meow Meow: But Dr. Chex Mix, where are you going??

Dr: I'm going to LIVE.

Whoa - I Just Saw a Commercial that Showed a Man Drying His Pits With a Hairdryer

Despite the fact that I have been busy OWNING NYC and rolling around in diamonds, my concerned fans have kept me honest by reminding me that every day I do not post on Pippi Picks THE ENTIRE WORLD IS NAKED AND SAD.


Here is my latest pick:
This understated cuff is sold by a store near my new 'hood, BigDropNYC.
Here's a picture of me and my boyfriend on our way to get $13 gin and tonics.We got together at a "Nice Gams" convention in 1996.

Kat Von D's Boobs - Saved!

I have been religiously watching LA Ink because it stars my american idol, Kat Von D.

On the last episode, Kat thought about getting fake knockers but chose to stick with her mom-given boobs instead. Shox!!
I mean, she could do worse.

In honor of Kat's boobs, I suggest you wear these vinyl pants and go dancing in Hollywood.No shirt, please - show your tit tats.

Pippi Picks a Ps Goinge

Today I went on the IKEA website to look for cheapie furnishings for my new apartment. In the "Bed Linen" section, a certain item called "IKEA PS GOINGE" caught my eye.

WHAT IS A GOINGE?OHHHH.... THIS IS A GOINGE:
Needless to say, I bought several.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!

I signed a lease today so now it's official: Pippi lives in NYC. Look out, city! I'm here and I'm addicted to television!

To show the world I'm serious, I'm going to wear this dress for the next seven days:
After the stink sets in, I'll subtly flip my new neighbors the bird by wearing this bird-themed ensemble:
New York Times headline:
"PIPPI, THANK G-D YOU'RE HERE!"

New York Post:
"NYC SHITS A BRICK: PIPPI ARRIVES IN THE CITY"

Some other paper:
"IRAQ WAR SOMETHING SOMETHING!"

USA Today:
"ALL OTHER STATES CRY, PIPPI PICKS NYC!"

Pippi's B-Friend:
"ALTHOUGH WE ARE STANDING IN THE KITCHEN WE ARE ALSO STANDING IN THE LIVING ROOM AND BEDROOM BECAUSE OUR APARTMENT IS SO FUCKING SMALL!"

Pippi:
"I INVENTED THE INTERNET!"

Pippi Picks a Golden Medallion

A certain madame I know has just flown off for her first year at college! An event tres adventurous! Tres surprising! Jus d'orange! Let us all wish her special wishes!

This particular Ms. happens to possess the most terrifying triangle of traits: She is Brilliant, Hilarious, and as Beautiful as One Million Hummingbirds - think of the responsibility on her shoulders! How does she stand herself?

To help her carry this cloak of Greatness, I suggest that she wears this medallion:
Then when she is introducing herself to new friends and they ask what it is, she can say, "Bitchezz, I won this at the Pippi Olympics of 2007!!!!!!! General Gold for being better than George Washington!!!!!! I'm the Whitney Houston of Life, bitches!!!!!! Bite me!"

That will help her new college friends feel comfortable around her and get used to the idea that they should serve her faithfully and never be fresh.

I Heart Diaper Sluts

I went apartment hunting in NYC today... Jesus Cxhrist!!!!!!!! That's a lot of money for a bedroom with a stove in it!!!!!!!!!!! Me and my Sir are renting a small-ass studio and paying $900,000 a week for it.
To celebrate my move, I think you should wear these shirts:





Fuck New York, y'all.

Do Me in the Park, Marc

My fashionable cousin Henry has done it again: He has picked another special outfit for you.
House of Holland has crafted these disturbing t-shirts for fans of fashion.

If you have ever called Marc Jacobs at 3 AM and asked him to do you in the park, this shirt is for you.

Other upsetting shirts include:

"Cum again Christopher Kane"

"Do me daily Christopher Baily"

and "Cause me pain, Hedi Slimane."

Thanks, Henry Holland!

Thanks Henry Cousin, too!

Cozy Wallet

This wallet will match your plaid flannel romper:

Keep yer money cozy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pippi Went to Houston

Honies, I just got back from a fab roadtrip to Houston and Austin. Lemme give you some facts about Texas:
1. The summer is HOT.
2. There are Sonics all over the place.
3. You can make an appointment with Dr Pepper NO PROBLEM.

Here are some things you should wear if you're going to party in Houston. You can find them in Houston at Bella Boutique:

First off, you should wear something that will let the sweat on your tatas evaporate. There's nothing worse than having sweaty boobs and not being able to wave them dry in the open air.
Secondly, you should probably wear something that will let your shoulders, neck, and gams air out, too:
Holy crapface, you are going to sweat like a mofo. Texas is so effing hot.
If you want to get hot on the inside, too, stop off at Frenchy's in Houston and eat some of their unreal fried chicken.

Pippi Picks Your Pedicure

DUDES -
Hanno took me to get my first pedicure today!

It was strange! Strangers rubbed my legs! It was the thrill of a lifetime!

Also: I look GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. My feet look like angels on sticks. There were 60,000 car accidents today 'cause people were trying to look at my hammin' toes. OMG, I LOOK LIKE A HUNK OF HEAVEN RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! LORD HELP US!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO EAT MY OWN FEET WITH BBQ SAUCE!!!!!!!1

If you, too, are considering getting a pedicure for the first time, I think you should pick the same color polish I did, a slexy dark red:

OMG! 20,000 honies are going to propose to U 2day because you got 'cured just like Pippi!!!!!!!

Pippi's Secret Shame

OMG! WTF!

Today I had a shameful, shameful experience.

I was at a Texan mall (it's a long story) and I was almost led straight into the fires of hell by a pair of shoes.
Now, normally I pride myself on not purchasing anything that costs over $30 and preferably not over $6.99.
HOWEVER, today I saw a pair of $100 flats AND CONSIDERED BUYING THEM.
BEHOLD! THE SHOES!
What is it that led me to near shop-hardiness? Is it the wild rush of the animal print? The golden heel? THE VOICE OF THE DEVIL???????????????
Readers, please weigh in: Should I have abandoned my bargaining ways and given the Devil his special dues?
Or should I have continued on the righteous path of the bargain hunter and gone straight to Target to repent?
OH THE SHAME OF THE BARGAIN HUNTER ALMOST LED TO TEMPTATION BY THE ANIMAL-PRINT FIRES OF THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!

IN other devil-related news: Karl Rove is out! REJOICE!!!! LET'S GO COW-TIPPING AND CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!! I'M HAMMERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT TIME IS IT???????????

Guest Editor: Hanno Picks

Today I have a guest editor: Frequent Pippi Picks commentator and fashion icon Hanno Black.
She has a special eye for those special, flattering picks that will make your enemies glow with jealous rage.

First up: A priceless jumpsuit from Beyonce's line, Dereon:
I STRONGLY advise that you click on the photo to check out the additional views of this item on the Dereon website. When you get there, click on the "larger view" link below the photo and you will discover that THE JUMPSUIT HAS AN ATTACHED GOLD LAME CAPE THAT CAN BE FLIPPED UP TO BECOME A VAMPIRE COLLAR.

With this jumpsuit, Hanno has picked out these sensational gloves for you to wear.
If you'd like, you can wear only fingers:
Or only the wrists of the gloves:If you'd prefer, you can wear le gloves used in this butt-cracking good Vickie's Secret ad:Too timid to rock the jumpsuit?
Appeal to the lovebird in all of us with this romantic Hershey's Kiss outfit:
Thanks to Hanno, the world will soon be yours.

Simplicity is Key

Listen here, friends.

I'm going to tell you this for your own good: You're supposed to have one pair of earrings that no one can complain about. I have helped you by picking some out:Then you can wear a trash bag splatter-painted with poo and you will still have one slightly reserved-looking item on. Simplicity! That's what I always preach!

Here is an exchange that might result from wearing these earrings:

PEEP: Your dress is... large.

YOU: But just look at my earrings!

PEEP: I can't see them under your big hair.

YOU: Who? I can't hear you from under my big hair. Talk into this tin can!

PEEP: Why did you bring all these cats to my party?

YOU: HUH?

PEEP: HOW COME YOU HAVE ALL THESE CATS ON LEASHES?

YOU: Oh! The earrings! I just threw them on! I bought them while I was Robo-tripping!

PEEP: Let's french.

See? With the earrings you can even get away with taking fashion risks like wearing these bloomers: Moo.