The Perfect Bride

It's decided:

I have picked the perfect wedding outfit!

White feather coat:No pants!

Now he or she is never gonna leave you!
He or she is gonna be like, "I'm marrying the hottest bitch on the block. This wife has no pants."

MERRY FLEXMAS!

Merry Flexmas.

Two announcements:

1: This necklace is a tiny gold Madonna cone bra:
Second announcement:

I just watched a movie called "Santa with Muscles" starring Hulk Hogan. Hulk is a billionaire who gets amnesia, thinks he's Santa, and saves an orphanage.INCREDIBLE! INCREDIBLE MOVIE!!!!!

AND MILA KUNIS IS ONE OF THE ORPHANS!Big fuckin' deal, Mila.
I've met Santa too, you know.

AND HE GAVE ME AN AUTOGRAPHED PHOTO OF COCO AND ICE T!!!Framed it.

Stripper Heels Will Bring the Sex-y Mon-ey

I know I've picked stripper heels before but I feel about stripper heels the way prude-ass magazine editors feel about "classic trench coats" and "white button-downs" and other sad sack pieces of clothing:
LIKE A TAN TRENCH COAT, STRIPPER HEELS are AMERICAN CLASSICS! THEY GO WITH EVERYTHING IN YOUR CLOSET!!! THEY NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE!!!! BUY THEM ONCE, GIVE THEM TO YOUR GRANDSONS!!!!

The ones I've picked out for you are especially good because they have the word "SEXY" printed on them:And these ones will bring the sex-y mon-ey:
And this is my friend, Puffy Winky:
American. Classics. 4 real.