Wednesday, December 29, 2010

NYE Do-Over

Hold on, hold on!!

SCRATCH what I said before about what you should wear on New Year's Eve!
THIS is what you should wear on NYE:
And cut your head off so you look like this mannequin.
No! Unsafe!! Unsanitary!!! Sad!!!
OMG!!! How will this mannequin french at midnight????

Friends, I hope you french 20 strangers this NYE!
May your love be as pure as the love between Panda Anderson and Kid Rock:What a special Panda!!!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Plan Ahead for NYE

I'm not really sure what this is, but I think you should wear it on New Year's Eve:You can wear it with your clogs so everyone will hear you walking around!
Clop, clop, clop!
"Here's comes a pants-less horse!!" they'll yell.

You can yell, "NEIGH!" or "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" or whatever you want.

And you can top it all off with a classic New Year's Hat!
Wear two hats: Your indoor hat......and your outside hat:Lookin' fine.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

How to Fuck with Your Kids

If your kids want a dog but you don't want a dog......get them these shoes instead:

Your dumbass kids won't even know the difference. You'll be like, "Did you walk the dog today?" and they'll be like, "Yeah. He peed."
That's when you'll realize that your kids have really pulled a fast one.
"We taught this dog to sit," they'll say, or "I'm taking the dog in for show and tell."

When they turn 21, you can sit them down and say, "You know how our dog has lived much longer and with fewer health problems than your friends' childhood dogs?" and they'll say, "Yeah..." That's when you can say, "Honeys, I got you a shoe for a pet as a child," and they'll say, "I freakin' love you, mom. You knew just what to do."

A few days later, they'll come back to you to ask: "What were we doing at the vet all those times?" and that's when you'll drop the real bomb:
"Your father is a cat."

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Greg Picks Teva Stilettos

My friend, GREG, has found the perfect holiday shoe for you: TEVA STILETTOS:I can't.... I mean...
I mean, there's really only one appropriate thing to say about these Tevas:
"I'LL TAKE ONE IN EACH COLOR, PLEASE!!"
Props to Greg and The Consumerist for knowing a good thing when they saw it.

Also, props to The Gloss for tackling the most important holiday instruction list, "7 Places to Wear Your Teva Stilettos."
Here's Pippi's list of "7 Days You Should Wear Your Teva Stilettos:"
  1. Monday
  2. Tuesday
  3. Wednesday
  4. Thursday
  5. Friday
  6. Saturday
  7. Sunday
AND Pippi's list of "7 Places to Wear Your Teva Stilettos:"
  1. EVERYWHERE!!!!
  2. EVERYWHERE!!!!
  3. EVERYWHERE!!!!
  4. EVERYWHERE!!!!
  5. EVERYWHERE!!!!
  6. EVERYWHERE!!!!
  7. EVERYWHERE!!!!
You know what to do.