Tuesday, December 7, 2010

How to Fuck with Your Kids

If your kids want a dog but you don't want a dog......get them these shoes instead:

Your dumbass kids won't even know the difference. You'll be like, "Did you walk the dog today?" and they'll be like, "Yeah. He peed."
That's when you'll realize that your kids have really pulled a fast one.
"We taught this dog to sit," they'll say, or "I'm taking the dog in for show and tell."

When they turn 21, you can sit them down and say, "You know how our dog has lived much longer and with fewer health problems than your friends' childhood dogs?" and they'll say, "Yeah..." That's when you can say, "Honeys, I got you a shoe for a pet as a child," and they'll say, "I freakin' love you, mom. You knew just what to do."

A few days later, they'll come back to you to ask: "What were we doing at the vet all those times?" and that's when you'll drop the real bomb:
"Your father is a cat."


Anonymous said...

this isn't fashion related, and i apologize, but i was afraid that you may not have caught the weekend at bernie's dance bug that's been getting around. i apologize if i'm behind the times but i thought you'd enjoy it. hope all's well.

Pippi said...

THANKS for this dance tip! I will dance like Bernie tonight.