Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Coco Sweeps the Pippi Awards

Yes! At last!
This is what you should wear EVERY DAY!
To support you, I will wear this every day too.

Timeless!
One piece!
Shiny!
Show your squishies!!

You who else needs to wear this?
COCO, ICE T'S WONDERFULLY SQUISHY WIFE!!!For wearing a small bikini, I am awarding Coco the Pippi Picks 2007/2008 Special Squishy and Formerly Known as Nicole Austin Then Married Ice T Award.

I'ma gonna hug your butt, Coco!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

#1 Boots, #1 Hatz

Ok - tomorrow I want you to wear these most perfect boots:
Aha! Perfect! The fringe! Yes! More fringe!

Ah, yes. Regular readers are starting to catch on that I am trying to assemble an entire wardrobe IN WHICH EVERY ITEM IS COVERED IN LUSCIOUS FRINGE.
Now that you've figured this out, what are you going to do now, smart one? Eat a potpie?

No! Put on this be-fringed hat! Yes!
I know that some people do weird things like matching their shoes to their purses, etc. You should match your fringed boots to your fringed hat: I like to match my headband to my douche bag.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

How to Succeed at Law

Readers, my expert eye has been called to a new challenge: How can I help my friend Matt, a young law student?

I don't know what they "do" in "law school" but I think I have a plan for how Matt can be king of the school by using the power of my fine advice.

Matt, are you listening? Your future's in the bag here.

First off, you need to come in to class wearing something that will really wow your professors:
See, in stately robes you're telling Mr. Teach, "I get it. I empathize." Look at the way this model is holding those glasses. He's ready to EAT the law.

Another approach is to take it up a notch and switch to robes meant for ministers:
Your professors won't know why, but suddenly they'll be seeking out your advice! They'll feel the holy tentacles of your fine student-hood embracing them!

You can give the look that sexy sizzle by switching to white robes for exams:At this point, the professors will HAVE to recognize that you are a true ANGEL of the law and will have to give you cash, jobs, and law prizes.

To make sure they get the message, add this "PIMP" dogtag to your look:As long as you're going to do that, you should probably carry a pimp cup, too:
At that point, you should also be wearing an iced-out watch:Unless your professors are A-HOLES who don't know what a ACE OF THE LAW looks like, you will hear them say these things:

PROFESSOR: I have canceled your homework! Please take my job.
MATT: I love you too, professor.
PROF: You are good at law.
MATT: I know, I know.
PROF: I made a hot scones for you!
MATT: Can I play Scramble for a living?
PROF: Yes. Yes, you can. You look so good, I will support you and sponge bathe you.

Meanwhile, you can get this ring engraved with "Law School" instead of "Pesiri:"

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Pippi Learn About Her Inner Essence

I have my own shoe! This is just like how people named "Mary Jane" have gotten to gloat and gloat because they have shoes AND weed named after them.

Loeffler Randall makes a shoe called the "Pippi Twist Front Flat!"
Look! This is a picture of my essence!
Even though I am honored, I also feel confused. Is "Pippi" the style of the shoe or the type of "twist?" What does this say about my personality and true heart-spirit?

Is this twist the "Real" Pippi?
Answer: Yes! Yes it is!

In the 2008 "What is a Pippi?" Contest this twist shoe beat out the runners-up Wig Pippi and Ferret-Named-Pippi:Here's what I learned about Pippi the ferret:
" Pippi is the tiniest of our four fuzzbeans, but she's also the acrobat of the group. She's quite the remarkable little athlete, and she's taught the rest a couple of shortcuts to getting around various parts of our home."

Ah hah! Self-discovery! I have found my inner shoe, wig, and ferret!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Oh, Snaps.

I like the snaps on these sleeves!
If you get too hot you can yell "SHALALA!" and free yourself from your frock revealing that OHHHHHHHHH, SNAP!!!!!!! YOU ARE WEARING A POLKA-DOT TUMMY-KINI UNDERNEATH!!!!!Then you'll be all like, "Who's ready for a swim... IN THIS POOL OF JELLO?"
and everyone will be like, "That's either sexy or gross - I can't decide!"

That's when you yell, "KISS THE RING, BITCHES!" and make them kiss your piles of black rings.
Man, Jello pools are hard to clean.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Hot Heels from Haute Hank


Henry has done it again!
Like a baseball agent trolling the towns of USA looking for fresh talent, Haute Hank roams the Interweb and trade shows looking for things to email his cousin, Pippi aka mom of Pippi Picks.

This time he has sent me a special gem: Radical shoes with strange heels!

Click here to see hot heels from Haute Hank!

Yowza! What a shoes!

Hank endorses the following:
1. The Chanel sock/shoe
2. The Marc Jacobs sideways mystery heel
3. The Prada houseplant/stocking

Pippi Picks Pricey Poofs

I always like Mint Jodi Arnold stuff because it's always kind of pretty and kind of...weird.

HOWEVER, I will probably never buy any "Mint" products other than Yorks and Junior Mints because DEAR LORD, THESE CLOTHES ARE SO DISGUSTINGLY EXPENSIVE IT MAKES ME WANT TO POOP ON MY OWN PILLOW.

Poofs! Pricey poofs for he's and she's!
Poof!
Pricey poofs! Pow!

Saturday, February 9, 2008

My Favorite Parts of Whac-a-Charge

RE: The post below

Here are my FAVORITE parts:
1. When Sir Charge kisses the money bags.
2. When Sir Charge flicks his nose.
3. When Sir Charge puts up his cute little fists.

OMG! WHAT A SPECIAL, SPECIAL GUY!!!!!!!

THANK YOU, ANONYMOUS! YOU'VE CHANGED MY LIFE!

OH. MY. GROD.

I don't know who "Anonymous" is, but they just changed my life by offering me this YouTube link in the "comments" section of the last post.

Whoever you are, I am eternally grateful.

OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! MY SPECIAL SIR CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM MORE THAN PASTRAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOOK AT HIM GO!!!
YOU ARE ONE IN A MILLION, SIR CHARGE AKA MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Pippi Sneaks onto the Prom Committee

Man, I am so attracted to this striped shirt... I want to take it to the prom.
If you want to be animalistic like this model, you can pair it with a high-waisted skirt, too, and get booked for modeling jobs:Next time I'm in high school I'm going to sneak onto the prom committee and suggest that the prom theme be "Hand Jobs."
What? It's true!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Show Your Stripes!

I think you should wear shoes like this because I do:Neutral! They're my brown loafers!
Everybody needs stripes!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Are You a Breakfast Ho?

Valentine's Day might be 10 days away, but it's never too early to plan what you're going to wear to your big date.

I think you can go two directions with this. If you're a skanky sue, I think you should show up to your special dinner in this polka-dotted bra and lace-up drawers combo:
If you're like me, though, you only put out because you're into breakfast.
If that's the case, show your man that you have a one-track mind by donning these sexy breakfast flannels:
Breakfast Ho: Honey! Let go my boob and cook me a pancake!
DATE: Awwww... you're the best.
B. H.: Oh yeah - more fruit salad! Pass me that sexy cereal!
DATE: I love it when you cover my face in Kashi and then eat each fibrous grain with soy milk.

Get hungry for Val Day!

Patriots Fans - Heal Your Soul With FRINGE

I am devastated that the Patriot's perfect season was RUINED by the forces of the bad winds or some other bad luck!
How could they lose? HOWWWWWWWWWWW???????????????????

I'm going to console myself by wrapping myself in sensual fringe:
I FEEL BETTER ALREADY!

I will feel even BETTER if I pair that jacket with this purse:
DAMN YOU, NY GIANTS-FAVORING WINDS OF CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!