Saturday, February 16, 2008

How to Succeed at Law

Readers, my expert eye has been called to a new challenge: How can I help my friend Matt, a young law student?

I don't know what they "do" in "law school" but I think I have a plan for how Matt can be king of the school by using the power of my fine advice.

Matt, are you listening? Your future's in the bag here.

First off, you need to come in to class wearing something that will really wow your professors:
See, in stately robes you're telling Mr. Teach, "I get it. I empathize." Look at the way this model is holding those glasses. He's ready to EAT the law.

Another approach is to take it up a notch and switch to robes meant for ministers:
Your professors won't know why, but suddenly they'll be seeking out your advice! They'll feel the holy tentacles of your fine student-hood embracing them!

You can give the look that sexy sizzle by switching to white robes for exams:At this point, the professors will HAVE to recognize that you are a true ANGEL of the law and will have to give you cash, jobs, and law prizes.

To make sure they get the message, add this "PIMP" dogtag to your look:As long as you're going to do that, you should probably carry a pimp cup, too:
At that point, you should also be wearing an iced-out watch:Unless your professors are A-HOLES who don't know what a ACE OF THE LAW looks like, you will hear them say these things:

PROFESSOR: I have canceled your homework! Please take my job.
MATT: I love you too, professor.
PROF: You are good at law.
MATT: I know, I know.
PROF: I made a hot scones for you!
MATT: Can I play Scramble for a living?
PROF: Yes. Yes, you can. You look so good, I will support you and sponge bathe you.

Meanwhile, you can get this ring engraved with "Law School" instead of "Pesiri:"

1 comment:

Matt said...

This is really good advice. Thanks Pippi! Until now I've just been wearing a half-robe, which I guess is really skirt.