Shortspants, the Name of a British Horse?

A poem:

One side shorts
One side pants
Shortspants, shortspants
Shortspants dance.

Pippi Picks a Feather Crown

For job interviews:

Feather crown!Interviewer: "What are some of your strengths and weaknesses?"
YOu: "Strength? My feather crown. Weakness? My incontinence."
Interviewer: HIRED. EASY.
YOU: Let's be best friends.
Interviewer: Haw shoo.
You: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

I Heart French Kissing

For Xmas, I got an Xtreme cold and have not been outside since New Year's Eve.

There's one fashion advisement that none of the mags are addressing: "Best Outfits for 2011 for When You Have Not Been Outside in 5 Days??" "Kick Off 2011 RIGHT by Refusing to go Outside for AT LEAST 5 DAYS." "2011 CLEANSE: Cleanse Yourself of All Sun, Activities, and Friends this New Year."

I am about to walk around the corner to the library to see if I can get snapped by paps for a "Stars or Pippi Without Makeup" expose like they are always doing to my Persecuted Panda:People think that being really sick is a bad time for romance, but I think that a snot-face means that you should really pump up the volume. I'm going to lure the paps with something like this:
And if they're from America and don't know what that is, I'll rip off that shirt to reveal this shirt:And if they STILL don't jump on my snot train, I'll get angrier and try this shirt:Unless, of course, I don't just go out in my "default" outfit, which Vicky Secret has named "Sexy Little Santa:"
"HEY PAPS! IT'S ME, SEXY LITTLE SANTA. I'M ONE SICK SANTA. LITERALLY SICK. REALLY SICK. I'M A BAD GIRL. I FEEL BAD, GIRL. I ATE A SOUP. DICK SOUP. I'M SOOOO NAAASSTY. MY BOOBS ARE COVERED IN GERMS. WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER HERE AND HAND ME SOME KLEENEX? THANKS. OK. LET'S GO TO A HOTEL. SO I CAN SLEEP AND WATCH DOCUMENTARIES. CAN I COUGH ON YOUR BUTT? THANXXX."

Game over.