Readers Report (Extended Version)!

While I've been off cavoofing, some busy boo readers have sent in links that have inspired and thrilled them. It's time now for the 2008 Extended Update About Things Readers Saw Recently That Moved Them Emotionally.

Let's start with faithful reader "Anonymous," who sent me a link to e-mancipate.net. This site helps men find pantyhose to buy, which is very nice of them. The thing I LOVE, though, is that the site takes a proud pro-pantyhose stand, arguing that they are healthful, sexy, and "positive."

Click here to read e-mancipate.net's action items for increasing male pantyhose (which I will refer to as "mantyhose," "mantights," or "mights,") acceptance around the world. My favorite suggestion is to give mantyhose as a gift to colleagues.

My second favorite thing on the site is the pattern on the mantyhose below:

Here's my take: I am thrilled that men have a place to buy pouchie hose to wear with their roomie Manties (as featured on Pippi Picks during Mantie Mania).

Now my emotions are turning around because here's what I don't understand: TIGHTS!!!! WHY WAS I FORCED TO WEAR THEM AS A CHILD???? They fall down!! They go up my butt!!!! Men, women, we must all fight against e-mancipate.net by starting a rival company: Sloppy Legz, Inc, to promote bare, sloppy, hairy legs.

"Anonymous" also sent a link about "Bang-Go" caps, special, special hats that have a hole in the front so you can poke your bangs through. I had never thought about women with bangs as a disenfranchised group before, but this site turned my mind around in a Michigan minute. Also, I had to read the site 3 times before I understood what the fuck this crazy women was trying to sell. Answer: Bang-Go caps for sad people with bangs. Alternate answer: Hats for sluts who like it quick and have a car outside.

IN OTHER NEWS, I was recently reminded by a reader named "News for Caroline" that a close relative of my dear Clamato is BEEFAMATO, a product made by mixing tomato juice and beef broth.

SUGGESTED RECIPE:

1. Mail bottle of Beefamato to younger cousin.

2. Pass out on couch.

MEANWHILE (OH YES, THERE'SSS MORE!!!!!! THERE'S MORE 'N' MORE 'N' MOREE in this POST!!!!!!)

my big sister sent me some photos of Nike's new limited edition 3 BEARS-THEMED SNEAKS!!!!! BABY, MAMA, AND PAPA SNEAKS!!!!!! Nice find, Sister Bear!

Nice manufacturing, Nike!

NICE FIELD WORK, PIPPI PICKS READERS!!! You deserve a round of Friendly's Watermelon Slammers!!!!!!

Keep finding those picks, Faithful, and I'll keep slamming Clamato.

Rink Repper Rombs!!!! Ry got the Recipe!!!

Rello!  

R'I'm Rippi and R'I'm raCK FROM the rusades in the roods!

R'ok.

My friend She Lai luvvs LA now.  To celebrate him and his preferences, let's all wear LA gear!!

Question: Was LA Gear a clothing company?  Does it still exxist?

Let's start with this violent t-shirt:

Rood Job!

Now put on this one w/crown:

I bought you a license plate:

No rearry!

Ok, Eli, stop being such a pussy and get an LA tattoo.  My car is outside your house!  In 30 seconds I'm going to ring the doorbell and drive you to a parlour.  What kind of parlour, you ask?  SURPRISE!!!!

It's either an ice cream or a tattoo parlor, you'll find out when we arrive.

Here's a hint:

You're going to leave with one of THESE:Meanwhile, I want to share something I drank last night.

It's called a PEPPER BOMB.  Here is the recipe:

1 oz. Clamato (tomato and clam juice with onion powder, corn syrup, msg, etc), strained through ice

3 oz Dr. Pepper

1 oz Jaegermeister

Instructions:

1.  Strain Clamato through ice

2. Mix Clamato and Dr. Pepper in a 6 oz glass

3. Fill shot glass with Jaeger

4. Drop shot glass into Clam-Pepper glass

5. Chug

6. Make faces

7.  She Lai says, "I will never drink anything else again."

8.  Force younger cousin to drink 2 rounds of Pepper Bombs, followed by Crystal Palace

9.  Take photos of cousin

10. Mail photos to newspaper

11.  Play new age board game

12.  REPEAT!  REPEAR!  REPENT!!!  YOU SUCK!!!!!!  STOP DRINKING CLAMATO!!!  IT"S HURTING YOU!!!!  IT"S MAKING YOUR COUSIN FROW UP!!!!!!

13.  ????????

Ree you Rater!!!!

Hats in the Holy Land

During the second leg of my world tour, I traveled to the Holy Land, AKA my aunt and uncle's house in Jerusalem. I know that you are already jealous of me because I get to have a stylish and fantastic cousin like Haute Hank, but your jealousy will quadruple when you realize that I also was lucky enough to spend time with my amazing and hilarious 4 Additional Cousins, also known as "Guys Israel."

Here are some of the important lessons I learned in Jerusalem:

1. "Balagan gadol!" means that things are really messed up.
2. Lior needs you to go downstairs and get the statues.
3. The sun! It is a very strong ball of stuff!!!!!!!! I surrender!!!!!!! I vow to wear many hatzzz!!!!!!!!

Yes, friends, I have learned all about the power of hats.
You can join me by wearing some of the protective and fashionable hats that I have chosen for your beautiful head:

A brown bucket!A hat with ears!!!!This woman wants to hide her shamefully ugly eyes:I miss you, cousins!
I also miss wearing hats all the time, but soon the world will know THE TRUE MEANING OF HATZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!

Haute Hank Update

As I'm sure you can imagine, Haute Hank's toast at our cousin's wedding was a rousing success! Classy! Stylish! Brief! He also made them a book detailing the history of Fabulous Casual.

After the wedding, while I was busy bringing joy to other nations, Haute Hank was minding the fashion pulse of USA!
Here is one of his discoveries:
"This dress has a built in bib/napkin," he said. He also explained to me that this is a photo of Becki Newton, an actress from Ugly Betty. A true professional, he also knew that she was wearing Gucci. I was unaware of these things and was focused on trying to get mustard stains out of my white pants.

He also sent me a link for these many-zippered pantalons which I think are supposed to have something to do with Andy Warhol.Verdict: The pants look nothing like him.

Cultural Lessons From Gay Paris

Bonjour!
I have returned to the Pippi Picks offices for a few days before disappearing again!

While I was in Gay Paris, I walked past a store called "Pimkie," which I assume is French for PIPPI.
I think it is a French-fried Wet Seal-type store that sells teen girl clothes. Just look at how happy French teens are!!!!!!!!
While strolling and drinking cafe creme and citron presse, I discovered that, INDEED, Frenchies smoke cigarettes, drink wine, eat fromage, etc. Here is what I noticed about the fashion of the French: They wear white pants! These pants are also clean!
This taught me my most important cultural lesson:
Unlike people of other nations, the French do not sit in poop, rub sauce on their legs, or menstruate on themselves. WHAT A FINE NATION! A people who can picnic in parks with nary a green butt!

Parisian Pippi Posts Panda

Bonjour!
Pippi Picks will be on break until July because Pippi (moi) is in France and busy with escargot . While I am away, please look at this photo of my good friend, Tender Panda (AKA Panda Anderson) , for inspiration.Love,
Le petite poulet, PIPPI

Top Cuteness Vendors 2008

Regular readers ADAM and HANNO found an amazing catalog that Adam sent along to me.
Deva Lifewear is a store that sells roomy, earth-friendly sacks and jammies to hippies and probably a lot of the earth mamas I grew up with (see example below for insights into my childhood):
What they don't advertise on the website, though, is what they are really selling is SERIOUS CUTENESS!!

THIS HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS FREAKIN' HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A CUTE FESTIVAL!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LIKE AT LEAST 60,000 BABY ANIMALS PLUS CERTAIN PHOTOS OF PIPPI'S LITTLE SIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!THIS TUNIC COMES WITH A FREE CAT!!!!!!!!!
U CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!
Other cuteness vendors, step off.
This woman is going to kick the shit out of you:
B back in 5 - I have to go order some Spirit Bells.

Minor Celebrity Sighting!

Slightly famous reality tv contestant sighting!!
Last night on the train I saw Kit, a contestant from Project Runway!
What, you're not excited?
Actually, I wasn't that excited either. I run into all kinds reality show contestants INCLUDING:

• The dance teacher from "CMT'S SEARCH FOR THE ULTIMATE COYOTE TEAM" aka an UNBELIEVABLE television masterpiece.
  
• Jasleen, emotional winner of America's Next Top Model
• Marcia Gay Harden

The most exciting thing about my minor-celebrity sighting was that Kit's friend was wearing the boss shoes pictured below:To honor Kit, her friend, and the special moment we shared, you should buy one of these "Kit Pistol" hoodies that she's selling on her website:

Wedding Special: Fab Cas

GUYZ-
My cousin's wedding is a week away and Haute Hank has been furiously crafting the wedding's fashion concept. His vision: The guests at the wedding should dress FAB CASUAL, AKA "Fab Cas."

Question: What IS FAB CAS?

One way we could go with this is to follow Diddy's example and wear $500 sneaks with 18K gold laces (thanks to JONAH for providing this fine link):Personally, I think the true masters of Fab Cas are Motley Crue. I am ALL ABOUT Motley Crue these days:
See? The ULTIMATE wedding theme is a MOTLEY CRUE-THEMED WEDDING!!!
Just think:
The bride can wear zebra pants!

The groom just needs to pick out leather pants!
Then he can go shirtless, smear himself with oil, and wear 6 or 7 studded belts strapped across his chest and arms!!!!!!!!I mean, if he wants to be romantic, he can wear lime-green cheetah boots to match the bride's pants:
Then again, maybe the bride AND groom should just wear gold dresses and call it a day...
This wedding is going to be AWESOME.

NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!!!

YES. YES. YES!!
NOW, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!

MANTIE MANIA!!!!!

On the last post about Kat and Nikki, a reader named "Anonymous" brought up an important point: Why so little mention of Manties?

Yes, indeed.

I highly, HIGHLY support that every man have a full set of manpanties (aka MANTIES), to help him achieve comfort and fashion.Manties.net sells Manties embroidered with every day of the week! Yesssssss! They say, "Once you try a pair, you will wonder why you never tried them before."
Pippi says, "Yes, I agree."

JUST TO BE CLEAR, I also consider the following things to be Manties:

1) Anything sold by American Apparel:Anything sold by International Male:
I think you know what to do.

Kat Von D Update

I feel that we haven't had an update for a while on our very own Pippi Picks Idol, Kat Von D.

Without even calling to talk to me about it, Kat designed her own makeup line for Sephora including this eyeshadow set and lipstick with colors like "Underage Red."
MEANWHILE, she is dating Motley Crue-man Nikki Sixx and they LUUUUUUUV each other:I mean, like, they tooooooooootally laaaaaaaaaaav each other.
I mean, that's cool, in a way. She may be in love with 2008 Nikki Sixx but I'M in love with '80s Nikki Sixx who looked like THIS: See, the '80s Nikki had maximum hair, maximum makeup, maximum heroin use, and maximum STDs. MUCH BETTER.

Kat is still my #1, though, and to show our love we should all wear these smokin' Kat Von D t-shirts. Ding ding!
Kat fancy!

Gun Shoes!

I had a FANTASTIC birthday last week and listen to all the gifts I got:

1) A banana!

2) The autographs of Aladdin AND Princess Jasmine!

3) A photo from Haute Hank of THIS:
Karl Lagerfield designing gun shoes!!
Fashion and Danger! Together!
Shoes and Violence!
Thanks, Hank!

Silverado

Bonblarno!

This week, I want you to wear one of these silver sacks:
How come I don't have one of these already? No - how come YOU don't have one? And why aren't you wearing it???

Don't say, "I'm wearing something else," or "I am in the shower," or something like that.

Just shut your demented pie hole, put on these fringy heels, and get on the bus with all the other kids.
See? Now you are the color of money!
Some of the kinds of money.

Graffiti Flats

Complain, complain! That's all I hear when I make a simple request!

"WAH, WAH, WAH! I'm too BUSY and TIRED to tag a train! I can't LEAVE WORK and go tag trains with you! Pippi, stop calling me at work! No, I'm serious - stop calling, WAH, WAH, WAH!"

Well, FINE. YOU can wear these cop-out graffiti flats instead.
The "STAR" written on the shoes is for Star Jones, former co-host of the View. I'm getting my own shoes that say "BABA WAWA" on them. No no - I want the "EWIZABETH HASSELBECK" shoes!
Actually, let's just get Whoopi Goldberg tattoos.

Pippi Offends Marc Jacobs

To celebrate the coming summer season, I think you should wear this ice cube ring:
PIPPI: How very "chill" of you to design an ice ring, Marc Jacobs!
MARC: HAH HAH HAH!!!!! THATSA FUNNY JOKE ABOUT COLD THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PIPPI: DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! U R SOOOOOOOO CHILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MARC: MORE, MORE!!!
PIPPI: YOU ARE COLD HEARTED!!!!!!!!!!
MARC: [silence]
PIPPI: Oops.
MARC: Get out of my car.
PIPPI: Sigh.

Pippi Picks Your Wedding Gown

I have TWO cousins getting married this summer and the family is in a tizzy! Such suspense! Will the brides and grooms say "Yes" at the alter?? Should I get the couples big tureens as gifts?? Most importantly: What fantastic fashions should grace the day??

Little do they know that I have already saved the day by selecting perfect wedding gowns for all involved AND 4 YOU!

First suggestion:
I strongly suggest a dress in the "Alcoholic Divorcee" style:Classy, fluffy.
Speaking of Fluffy, the best wedding accessory is also man's best friend: A bridal-themed dog.
Don't be offended if your mangroom tries to kiss the poodle instead of you, his betrothed! With two white puffies on the alter, he's bound to be delightfully confused!

If Alien Chic is more your style, I recommend this space explorer look (wig not included, Whig included):
I was going to recommend the chandeliered dress below, but I think there's a serious design flaw: The chandeliers should be attached TO the dress. Just think how the bride will sparkle with tinkling crystals hanging from her legs and hair!They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, which is why you may want to dress up like a giant cupcake for your Day of Union:
There is one dress that you can't wear, though, because I am going to be wearing it everywhere, including the doctor's office and your wedding: Feather Poof!
YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Giant bird pile!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pillow explosion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOO comfortable.
PIPPI: I'm tired.
DRESS: Just lie down. You're wearing ALL FEATHERS, LIKE A BOSS BED.
PIPPI: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DRESS: You sleep like an anglo.
PIPPI: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!