Glitter Earrings!

When I was little, I would have thought these were the most beautiful earrings in the world:
Now I'm older and wiser and I think that these are the most beautiful earrings in America.
I'm man enough to admit that there might be some more glittering jewels in New Zealand that I don't know about.

I Am the Xmas Xpert!

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!
I am celebrating my very first Christmas this year with my A+ boyf's family! A Jew at Christmas! That's as preposterous as a clam in the senate!

Look, guys. I may be le Jew, but I sure know how to dress for Christmas. I also make sure to have a set of holiday sweaters to impress the Christian Crew.

This is a photo of me enjoying the Christmas lights:This is a picture of me in my most spirited sweater. Look! Even the flamingos are wearing Christmas sweaters!
Sometimes, though, Christmas is less casual. At those times, I ditch my sweaters and slip on this delightful top:
Merry Christmas Eve!
Don't forgot to clean your Santa Chute!

This is the Time Machine Calling

All my peeps know that I suck at returning phone calls.
I should make "Return Phonecalls" one of my New Year's Resolutions right after
"Stop Swearing" and
"Eat More Blueberries."

I bet I'd be about 3 times more likely to call people back if I had one of these babies in my apartment:
"Hullo, this is Sergeant Pippi calling."
"Hullo?"
"Oops. Wrong number."

But at least I'd try, right?

Pippi Picks UNIQLO

Yesterday I went to the Uniqlo in Soho and marveled at the crazy display cases:
Hoo hah! UNIQLO is like Mr. Japanese Gap.

There were lots of Christmas shoppers there saying, "HO HO HO!" and "I am looking for gifts for my 14-year-old niece! I do not know her very well but I am obligated to buy her a thing! Ho ho ho!"

Hip 2 B Square

McDudes - isn't this a rockin' square ring?
Like a Lego, right?
Like a golden Lego.

Do baby kings play with golden Legos? I sure hope so.

When I have babies, I'm going to give them golden Legos and platinum Play-doh. And I'll nurse them with liquid gold straight from my golden teet! Ewwwwwwww!

Seriously, though, they will definitely wear diamond diapers. So expensive but SO worth it.

Sharpei Chic

Look at this wrinkly dress! Sharpei chic!
See, the model below is wearing the dress and you can barely tell that she is styled like a wrinkly dog.I think you should really play up the wrinkly factor by pairing the dress with this Mike & Chris swaddling cape: Then, layer it with this jacket :
Then call your friends and yell into the receiver: "I'm as wrinkly as a sea lion!!!!!!!"They'll be all like, "Grrrrl, you look goooooooooooood."

Pippi Picks Forever 21

Man, I kind of love Forever 21.
It just has all this cheap crap. Mmmmm. Cheap. Craaaaaaap. Mmm.

I had a moment when I suddenly wanted to buy these funny looking mocs:
Like, oooooooooooooh. Slippers with hard bottoms! Then I said, "Uhhhh.... Will that match my sequin bodysuit? Will that match my pleather hot pants? No. Then they just aren't practical."

However, if this special lady below walked into Forever 21, I would advise her differently.
I would say, "Special ho! Tsk tsk! You paid $72.45 for that leather bustier! You could have gotten a Fo Fo 21 bustier for only $20!"
She would say, "Thank you, Pippi. You are like my Santa Ma'am. You helped me have a great Xmas AND a happy jew year."
Then I would say, "Anytime," and we would go get a sandwich or something.

Have a Leather Hanukkah

Happy Hanukkah, special dudes!
I know, I know. I've been a deadbeat mom and Pippi Picks has been quiet since T-giving.

To make it up to you, I'm going to encourage you wear those nasty little leather gloves:
I never really feel warm in gloves like these because my little fingers can't mash together mitten-style. However, I'll do anything to be covered in LEATHER.To go full hammy, pair them with a leather jacket like celebrity chef Lindsay Lohan:Toot toot! That's a Hanukkah train!