Pippi Picks HOT COFFEE

Dear Special Friends,

Don't worry! Now, in addition to getting all my great advice about what to put on, you can now HEAR MY COMFORTING VOICE IN YOUR EARS!

I've been working on a new project! Every Sunday, I hang out with my Special Guys and we record a COMEDY PODCAST based on news stories.That's some of them!

Go to hotcoffeeshow.com to hear our latest episode! New shit gets posted every week by Tuesday and I'll let you know when it goes up.

NOW YOU CAN HAVE PIPPI FOR EVERY PART OF YOUR FACE: EYES, EARS, BRAIN, AND SMELLS!!!!!!!!

C-c-lick here to hear my first PODCAST PICK!!!!!

Hamburger Attack!!

Uh oh. Where did my cash go?
Oh yeah. Hamburgers. Fries. Dranks.

Oops.

EAT FROM ZE RABBIT'S BUTT!!!!!!!

I don't have clothez for you today, I have clothez 4 your food!!!!!!!

Here's the web copy that goes with the photo below to get you to buy it:
"This felted floppy-eared rabbit will keep your food warm. "
PIPPI: THANNX 4 COMING 2 DINNER AT MY HOUSE, I HAVE MADE SOME GREAT FOOD FOR YOU!
FRENCH FRIEND: THANX 4 DINNER!!!!! I'M, EH, SO PROUD OF VOU.
PIPPI: Eat up!
FRENCH FRIEND: Where iz zee food?
PIPPI: UNDER ZO RABBIT! IN ZE BUTT OF ZE RABBIT! EAT THE FOOD FROM THAT BUTT!!!!!!!!
FRENCHIE: U R A TRUE EUROPEAN!!!!!!
PIPPI: I'ma PEAN!!!!!!!!!
FRENCHIE: Kiss me with your American Mouth!!!!!!!
PIPPI: Don't burn me with your long cigarette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[WE TENDERLY EMBRACE]

Professional Pippi

One of the saddest things about working a serious job is that I have to take my jammies off. No jammies for eight hours??!!!! R U 4 SERIOUS??? U CAN'T B SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?? THE ECONOMY'S IN THE POOP HOUSE?
OK, I UN-QUIT!!!!!!!!
WAIT - THAT MEANS I HAVE TO TAKE MY JAMMIES OFF AGAIN. FUUUCKK!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!
A sad cycle.

Ok, I can't quit and become a jammie model due to economic problems (broke). I realize that I can not wear my hoodie to the office and need to wear prissy jackets. If I have to wear jackets, at least I should wear a white tuxedo jacket like this:
I have started wearing this prissy swingy thing every day that looks kind of like this:
Most of the day I'm just like, "DUDE - JUST DON'T SPILL ON YOURSELF FOR A FEW MORE HOURS, OK??? JUST STICK THE LUNCH IN YOUR MOUTH-HOLE AND DON'T TAKE ANY WEIRD DETOURS OR MASH IT ON YOUR BOOB OR SOMETHING - OHHHH!!!!!!! 2 LATE."

I guess I could branch out and get some frilly things like this lady BUT LOOK WHAT IT DID TO HER LIPS!!!!!!! IT MADE HER LOOK LIKE A GUPPY!!!!!!!!!!
AND THIS MODEL IN THIS LITTLE WHITE THING IS, LIKE SUPER DRUNK OR STONED OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I guess if this model was allowed to come to work sauced I don't see why I can't.
I just got a call - this model is not stoned, she had just come out of a viewing of "Four Christmases."

Pippi Picks HEELYS

This week, I want you to wear HEELYS, those shoes with HIDDEN WHEELS:
OH MY SHOOT, I WANT HEELYS SOOOOOOOOOO BAD!!!!! If I was Christian, I would put them on my Easter list or whatever happens on that holiday.

Ok, ok, ok, so we decided: This week we're all wearing our Heelys and parachute pants.
Whoo!
I'm going SO FAST around the restaurant!!!!!!!
I got got to work in only TWENTY-FIVE minutes instead of about THRTY-FIVE to FORTY minutes!!!!
I just jumped out of a copter and I landed SOFTLY, LIKE A CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perma Glasses

I wore glasses for my Mrs. Claus Halloween costume and THE GLASSES MADE ME ABOUT 1/2 - 7/8 PERCENT SMARTER AND GOOD AT THINKING OF REALLY A+ IDEAS.

I GOT A TATTOO OF READING GLASSES ON MY FACE. IT HURT BUT IT WAS WORTH IT FOR SERIOUS SMARTS.

YES, WE DID!!!!!!!

I haven't posted any picks in a while because I have been TOTALLY CONSUMED BY ELECTION MADNESS and VERY BUSY HITTING "REFRESH" ON 538.COM if you know what I mean.
I mean, even though Pippi Picks is devoted to the public service of frivolous sh*t, I am fighting the URGE TO S-S-SLAAAM YOU WITH all kinds of EARNESTNESS ABOUT MY EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS INCLUDING FEELINGS OF WEEPINESS, HOPEFULNESS, AND SERIOUS THINGS.

Summary of analysis:
SYMBOLIC HAPPENINGS!!!!!!!!
HISTORIC ADVANCEMENTS!!!!!!!
POSITIVE THEMES!!!!!!!!
INTERESTING EVENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cried my stone-cold BALLS OFF when Obama was announced President and was a crazy mess.

In honor of this special time, I'm going to wear a full American outfit:
Whoaaaa. Ok.

Gotta go - I have to watch that Grant Park video clip about 500 more times.
500 times A DAY. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.