Professional Pippi

One of the saddest things about working a serious job is that I have to take my jammies off. No jammies for eight hours??!!!! R U 4 SERIOUS??? U CAN'T B SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?? THE ECONOMY'S IN THE POOP HOUSE?
OK, I UN-QUIT!!!!!!!!
WAIT - THAT MEANS I HAVE TO TAKE MY JAMMIES OFF AGAIN. FUUUCKK!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!
A sad cycle.

Ok, I can't quit and become a jammie model due to economic problems (broke). I realize that I can not wear my hoodie to the office and need to wear prissy jackets. If I have to wear jackets, at least I should wear a white tuxedo jacket like this:
I have started wearing this prissy swingy thing every day that looks kind of like this:
Most of the day I'm just like, "DUDE - JUST DON'T SPILL ON YOURSELF FOR A FEW MORE HOURS, OK??? JUST STICK THE LUNCH IN YOUR MOUTH-HOLE AND DON'T TAKE ANY WEIRD DETOURS OR MASH IT ON YOUR BOOB OR SOMETHING - OHHHH!!!!!!! 2 LATE."

I guess I could branch out and get some frilly things like this lady BUT LOOK WHAT IT DID TO HER LIPS!!!!!!! IT MADE HER LOOK LIKE A GUPPY!!!!!!!!!!
AND THIS MODEL IN THIS LITTLE WHITE THING IS, LIKE SUPER DRUNK OR STONED OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I guess if this model was allowed to come to work sauced I don't see why I can't.
I just got a call - this model is not stoned, she had just come out of a viewing of "Four Christmases."