Something strange is happening to my beautiful CVS watch. When I bought it a few years ago, it was white. Then the white stuff flaked off and it turned gray-brown. Now, the band is turning...green. With mysterious mold. Sometimes, it gives me a rash.
I noticed this recently in the middle of a job interview. "Yes, Mrs. Interviewer," I said, "yes, that IS mold growing on my watch and that IS, INDEED, a rash. YES, I will be a FINE, FASTIDIOUS, PUNCTUAL, and RAMBUNCTIOUS employee, PLEASE hire me and give me a bag of CASH so I can PURCHASE some CREAMS and TINCTURES to fix my RASH."
I didn't get the job, but I think it's time to get a new watch.
I would like this one, please!

I will pay for it with fiberous crackers!!!!! I have a whole cupboard full of those and they are worth more than diamonds because diamonds are bad for the digestive system.