Sluts Get All the Cool Clothes

New reader MK posted this question for me:

"How can I buy jeans that will continue to fit me in three months? (The answer "stop having a tapeworm" has already been suggested.)"

MK, I have two suggestions:

1. Stop having a tapeworm.
2. Get knocked up.

I mean, DUH!! Knocked up slutz get alll the cool clothes! Never mind the baby - being preggers is all about the gear:
The jeans above have an elastic waist!
For your shower I'm buying you this "Bella Band." You're supposed to wear it to hold up unbuttoned pants.

Slutz have all the fun! They wear stretchy pants and walk around with their jeans unbuttoned!
Quick! Go put a bun in your oven!

Problem solved, MK.

Pippi Picks Hanno's Coat

Hanno is a regular commentator on Pippi Picks and she recently commented that she's in the market for a coat. That was her first mistake. Now I am going to forcefully pressure her into wearing a coat I have picked instead of one she likes.

Hanno, I'm of many minds about this coat. 50% of me thinks you should get a coat in a dark, foreboding color that tells everyone to buzz off.
Like, "Buzz off! I am wearing a gray swingy that I had monogrammed with my family name!"

Or Buzz off! I have scarves and things around my neck!!!
REMEMBER THE DANGER OF SCARVES!!!!!!!!!!
Then 75% of me is thinking that you should go the other direction and wear a bright, happy coat that encourages everyone to bake and write valentines:
Like, happy ruffles, right?
Also, WOULD WE ALL NOT DIE OF CUTENESS IF YOU RAN AROUND IN A LITTLE RED HOODED SWINGY? Yes, we would.
But if that's too big of a decision you could always be a classy babe and wear wintry white:Like, 35% of me thinks you should act like a sandwich and get all wrapped up in a major pouf:
Then another 20% thinks you should wear this mancoat and man around:

Although it is shamefully impractical, aren't you kind of digging this whole short-sleeve coat thing going around? I won't tell anyone. I'm about 70% thinking you should rock this.Ok, I've taken a look at my percentages here and drawn this pie chart to help you decide which coat to get:
All done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Doe a deer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretzel time!!!!!!!!!1

Senseless Violence

Oh no!

This scarf has eaten the head off this model!
Maybe the bitch deserved it.

Food-Related

For the Day of Atonement I'm once again with my fashion guru/cousin, Henry. Here's what he had to say about these shoes:

"It's like a spinach explosion!"

Then we got very upset.

Henry says, "We have breaking news! Our beloved friend, Cookie Monster of Sesame Street, has passed on."

We our afraid that he has been turned into a Versace smock and bag:Oh, Cookie!

Henry says, "That fruit might have been his last!"

Get the Car - We Need More Clamato

It's still warm out but lately I've been wanting to stomp around in a big ol' coat like this one:
Light my cigarette, Pierre! Come eat a doggie treat, my petite chien blanc! Let us roll through the park in matching dog-and-owner sunglasses!

Dr. Chex Mix Saves the Day

This is a dress, but it looks like golden jammies:
Pippi: Doctor, you've got to help me! Everything I touch while sleeping turns to gold!

Dr: You mean everything you touch turns to fabulous, girl.

Pippi: You're right. I just had the wrong attitude. Why, when I went to sleep last night, this nightshirt was sad flannel plaid! Now it's made out of pure fabulous!

Dr: To the club!

Pippi: Yes! To the club!

Nurse Meow Meow: But Dr. Chex Mix, where are you going??

Dr: I'm going to LIVE.

Whoa - I Just Saw a Commercial that Showed a Man Drying His Pits With a Hairdryer

Despite the fact that I have been busy OWNING NYC and rolling around in diamonds, my concerned fans have kept me honest by reminding me that every day I do not post on Pippi Picks THE ENTIRE WORLD IS NAKED AND SAD.


Here is my latest pick:
This understated cuff is sold by a store near my new 'hood, BigDropNYC.
Here's a picture of me and my boyfriend on our way to get $13 gin and tonics.We got together at a "Nice Gams" convention in 1996.