Sluts Get All the Cool Clothes

New reader MK posted this question for me:

"How can I buy jeans that will continue to fit me in three months? (The answer "stop having a tapeworm" has already been suggested.)"

MK, I have two suggestions:

1. Stop having a tapeworm.
2. Get knocked up.

I mean, DUH!! Knocked up slutz get alll the cool clothes! Never mind the baby - being preggers is all about the gear:
The jeans above have an elastic waist!
For your shower I'm buying you this "Bella Band." You're supposed to wear it to hold up unbuttoned pants.

Slutz have all the fun! They wear stretchy pants and walk around with their jeans unbuttoned!
Quick! Go put a bun in your oven!

Problem solved, MK.