Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Because Now I Fucking Hate Christmas Again

Everything about breaking up is absolutely horrible but the one upside of this interfaith breakup is that now I can return to my previous Jewish ways* of hating Christmas and being a militant bitch during the holidays.

Didn't you miss my Grinchy ways? Weren't you sad these last years when I had an agreeable smile come December rather than a militant frown? Don't worry, friends, that militant frown is back and this time I know what to wear with it!


The Grinch has a great time, right???? 

I mean.... right?????

Am I right ladies?????????

.....
So, I suppose if you want to go full grinch, you could wear a costume like this but that seems like a real cop out


Especially when you could wear this without commentary:

Or this, for chrissake:

AM I RIGHT, LADIES???????

SERIOUSLY, AM I RIGHT HERE?????

 WHAT DOES A GRINCH HAVE TO DO AROUND HERE TO GET A DAMN TURKEY DELIVERED TO HER HOUSE??

HOW COME THERE IS NO LIKE SPIRAL HAM OR WASSAIL DELIVERED TO JEWS??? OH, BECAUSE IT'S LIKE TOTALLY NOT PART OF OUR TRADITION? OK, THAT MAKES SENSE. ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT I HAVE TO DATE A CHRISTIAN TO GET IN ON THIS PARTY?? OH, I DO BECAUSE OF CHRISTIAN HEGEMONY??? WELL, THAT SUCKS. OK, I'M GOING TO GO HAVE SOME CEREAL NOW.

 Grinch is back, ladies, call me.

*Note: not all Jews are militant bitches - I just wish more of them were! Ladies, if you are a militant Jewish bitch, CALL ME, let's go hang out! We can spray on things, like cats! And we'll be like, "As if the heteropatriarchy wasn't bad enough - now I have to oppressed by Christian hegemony the only relief being in a hetero thing with a Christian guy is society for real??" and then we'll be like, "I love you. Why did your parents name you Rhonda? Yeah, I don't know why mine named me Pippi, they're just funny and stuff. Yeah, me too. You want more of this vodka? Yeah, me neither I am going to throw up in about 10 min. I'm so glad you guys came over, I also can't believe we've been wearing the same clothes for like 64 hours. Ok, let's try to steal some bikes and like sprain something."

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