Legslegslegslegslegslegslegs!This Valentine's Day, Eat EGGS!!!!!!
This Valentine's Day.......GROW EXTRA LEGS!!!!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Pippi Picks Legs
This Valentines Day, Love Your Legs!
Legslegslegslegslegslegslegs!
This Valentine's Day, Eat EGGS!!!!!!
This Valentine's Day.......GROW EXTRA LEGS!!!!!
Legslegslegslegslegslegslegs!This Valentine's Day, Eat EGGS!!!!!!
This Valentine's Day.......GROW EXTRA LEGS!!!!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Where the Wild Clothes Are
Spike Jonze made "Where the Wild Things Are," which OF COURSE I didn't see (because, as you know, I'm waaaay to busy drinking Tecate and watching Tool Academy to go to the movies).
ALso, that movie seemed boring. No fight scenes. No car scenes. No point.
THEN, Spike Jonze did something better: He made "Where the Wild Clothes Are."
YES, you can buy these clothes. Click Here to buy these furry clothes!
PLEASE BUY THESE FURRY CLOTHES FOR YOUR WILD MOM FOR MOM'S DAY!!
I KNOW SHE WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A WILD MOM!!!
What are these guys called? I read that book a long time ago. All I can remember is that there was a guy named Max in that book.
PIPPI'S REVIEW OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (based on memories):
There is a lot of gray. Max is a kid and he's upset about his parents or something. He's standing in the other room. Then he's on an island with lots of plumes. There's some rhyming. The wild things jump and shout I think and then Max feels emotionally liberated. Things don't change that much at home.
ALso, that movie seemed boring. No fight scenes. No car scenes. No point.
THEN, Spike Jonze did something better: He made "Where the Wild Clothes Are."
YES, you can buy these clothes. Click Here to buy these furry clothes!PLEASE BUY THESE FURRY CLOTHES FOR YOUR WILD MOM FOR MOM'S DAY!!
I KNOW SHE WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A WILD MOM!!!
What are these guys called? I read that book a long time ago. All I can remember is that there was a guy named Max in that book.
PIPPI'S REVIEW OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (based on memories):
There is a lot of gray. Max is a kid and he's upset about his parents or something. He's standing in the other room. Then he's on an island with lots of plumes. There's some rhyming. The wild things jump and shout I think and then Max feels emotionally liberated. Things don't change that much at home.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Pippi Picks Playoff Beards 2010
How many cousins do I have? I have 100,000 cousins. You've heard of Haute Hank (of course) and Lil Lil, and also many others, and by now you know that something went WRONG with our great grandpere because we got ALL THE BEST GENES and THERE WERE NONE FOR ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD. THE REST OF THE WORLD IS LIKE, "UHHHH. HOW ARE WE GONNA DO STUFF, HAUTE HANK'S GENES ARE MADE OUT OF DIAMOND SCONES."
Meanwhile, my family runs the internet. And sports. To combine all the things we are the boss of, two more cousins, one a sea captain and one the founder of the band Amethyst, have started growing playoff beards on the internet to help the Cavs win the playoffs. As you can see, they have a long way to go:
This is the sea captain:
And this is the man who brought us the music of Amethyst:
You know what they say: "No beards is good beards." But that was another time.
I can't grow my own Playoff Beard so in solidarity, I'm going to wear a beard wig.
This one, perhaps?
Or how about gray beard?
Or this guy?
This beard kind of makes me want to barf:
GOOD LUCK, COUSINS!!!!!!!!!
FOLLOW THEIR PROGRESS AT www.playoffbeards2010.blogspot.com!
Meanwhile, my family runs the internet. And sports. To combine all the things we are the boss of, two more cousins, one a sea captain and one the founder of the band Amethyst, have started growing playoff beards on the internet to help the Cavs win the playoffs. As you can see, they have a long way to go:
This is the sea captain:
And this is the man who brought us the music of Amethyst:You know what they say: "No beards is good beards." But that was another time.I can't grow my own Playoff Beard so in solidarity, I'm going to wear a beard wig.
This one, perhaps?
Or how about gray beard?Or this guy?This beard kind of makes me want to barf:GOOD LUCK, COUSINS!!!!!!!!!FOLLOW THEIR PROGRESS AT www.playoffbeards2010.blogspot.com!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Ghost Shoes!
Ghost shoes!
A ghost's shoes!
Who left these ghost shoes in my house?
What happened?
How long was I out? And when did I put on these jean shoes?
So many questions.
A ghost's shoes!
Who left these ghost shoes in my house?
What happened?How long was I out? And when did I put on these jean shoes?
So many questions.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Pippi Picks Dancing Panda
I am SO proud of my Tender Panda (AKA Panda Anderson) because she is on Dancing With The Stars and now the whole world will know what a special flower she is.
A DANCING PANDA!!
MWA!
Dance, Panda, Dance!
XOXO!!!!
A DANCING PANDA!!
MWA!Dance, Panda, Dance!XOXO!!!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Rompers P.S.
I know that on March 4 I talked up rompers, but I have a P.S.:
Let's be honest with ourselves: There are some outfits that even models can't work.
The woman pictured below is a model but she looks like a pillow with a face:
I'd still do her, but we need the straight talk express: this romper has ruined this model's career.
Thank g-d she's not a a butt model or she'd be broke.
Other Unflattering Rompers:
This model has a poopy-diaper-looking saggy romper crotch:
This model has no feet:
I don't even know what happened to her:
Oh, shit. This is the same model as that other model in the striped romper. Someone is out to get her so they can take her house:
Wait - is this the same model, too, or some other model?
Something weird's going on.
I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
I'm still pro-romper, but then again, my ass is so nice I could sell shit to a llama if you know what I mean. These models need to take a page from my book if they want to make that ca$h.
I'd still do her, but we need the straight talk express: this romper has ruined this model's career.
Thank g-d she's not a a butt model or she'd be broke.
Other Unflattering Rompers:
This model has a poopy-diaper-looking saggy romper crotch:
This model has no feet:
I don't even know what happened to her:
Oh, shit. This is the same model as that other model in the striped romper. Someone is out to get her so they can take her house:
Wait - is this the same model, too, or some other model?
Something weird's going on.
I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
I'm still pro-romper, but then again, my ass is so nice I could sell shit to a llama if you know what I mean. These models need to take a page from my book if they want to make that ca$h.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Rompers and Furs
Y'all KNOW that if I had my way, I'd wear rompers every day:
No bra, no shoes, no underpants.
With a fur coat on over it
Actually, you should probably just go straight to this page:
No bra, no shoes, no underpants.With a fur coat on over it
Actually, you should probably just go straight to this page:
Friday, February 26, 2010
Yah Mo Gonna Spike You
MAN, these rings would really help me out:
I know a few people I'd like to spike...
It would be like in cartoon Robin Hood when Prince John gets his butt on a spike and goes, "WHOOOOO!!!!!" all the way up in the air!!
I'd be walking through crowds in NYC and you'd just see people flying up like popcorn as I spiked their butts!!!!
OOO DE LOLLLY!!!!!!!!
I know a few people I'd like to spike...It would be like in cartoon Robin Hood when Prince John gets his butt on a spike and goes, "WHOOOOO!!!!!" all the way up in the air!!
I'd be walking through crowds in NYC and you'd just see people flying up like popcorn as I spiked their butts!!!!
OOO DE LOLLLY!!!!!!!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Boss Shoes and Pippi's Pet FEEVE
Boss:
So boss!
For all you S&M boos out there, now you can beat the snow AND your Valentine in the same shoes!-010604.jpg)
PS:
I have been watching the Olympics and the announcers are doing my PET FEEVE! A Pet Feeve is the opposite of a Pet Peeve: It is a things that is a Pet Favorite.
My Pet Feeve is when people measure things using "Football Fields" instead of miles or feet. FANTASTIC! A true FEEVE of mine!
"Each year, Americans eat 100 billion hot dogs - that's 1,000 football fields of hot dogs!"
and at the Olympics:
"This course is nearly two football fields of treacherous ice!"
"This likable Norwegian has the kind of stroke on the course I'd run five football fields to see."
Or:
"When I won this event in '52, I celebrated by titty-fucking 1,000 women - that's enough boobs to fill nearly six football fields!"
So boss!For all you S&M boos out there, now you can beat the snow AND your Valentine in the same shoes!
-010604.jpg)
PS:I have been watching the Olympics and the announcers are doing my PET FEEVE! A Pet Feeve is the opposite of a Pet Peeve: It is a things that is a Pet Favorite.
My Pet Feeve is when people measure things using "Football Fields" instead of miles or feet. FANTASTIC! A true FEEVE of mine!
"Each year, Americans eat 100 billion hot dogs - that's 1,000 football fields of hot dogs!"
and at the Olympics:
"This course is nearly two football fields of treacherous ice!"
"This likable Norwegian has the kind of stroke on the course I'd run five football fields to see."
Or:
"When I won this event in '52, I celebrated by titty-fucking 1,000 women - that's enough boobs to fill nearly six football fields!"
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Snexy Foxy CLAM JAMS! Just in time for V-Day!
Today was a snow day in NYC and to celebrate, my fine coworker, LIZ, emailed me something incredible:
THE HOODIE FOOTIE SNUGGLE SUIT!
I want to start combining all my other clothes, too. Unders + Pajamas + Sandwiches + HAMS = THE HAMMIE SAMMIE UNDER JAM!!!
Until production on Hammie Sammie Under Jams begins, you can buy a Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit from a website with the best name ever, PAJAMAGRAM.COM.
A JAMMIE VALUE SET!
THE HOODIE FOOTIE SNUGGLE SUIT!
I want to start combining all my other clothes, too. Unders + Pajamas + Sandwiches + HAMS = THE HAMMIE SAMMIE UNDER JAM!!!
Until production on Hammie Sammie Under Jams begins, you can buy a Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit from a website with the best name ever, PAJAMAGRAM.COM.
A JAMMIE VALUE SET!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Pippi Picks The Windmill Club
As you know, here at Pippi Picks we talk a lot of shit but don't get a lot done.
MEANWHILE, various friends of mine like to do things like "projects," "starting companies," and other tomfoolery. One of these friends, the funny and levelheaded KEVIN, has started his own fashion line (!). ! It is called The Windmill Club and his target market is men who are kind of slutty, drink a lot, and don't wear pants. Wait - that's my target market. Sorry, Kev-o.
To get started, he has made a line of beautiful ties! Yes, ties! To keep necks on!
Unfortunately, he plucked my loyal companion, (AKA my boyfrieeeenndd!!!) to be one of his fashion models! Now the company is doomed!
Can you spot my boyxxxfriend in the video? Hint: He is the one wearing this tie:
and this tie:
and, like Carmen Sandiego, he is in a car flying a green, black, and yellow flag.
Here is a video of men in ties:
MEANWHILE, various friends of mine like to do things like "projects," "starting companies," and other tomfoolery. One of these friends, the funny and levelheaded KEVIN, has started his own fashion line (!). ! It is called The Windmill Club and his target market is men who are kind of slutty, drink a lot, and don't wear pants. Wait - that's my target market. Sorry, Kev-o.
To get started, he has made a line of beautiful ties! Yes, ties! To keep necks on!
Unfortunately, he plucked my loyal companion, (AKA my boyfrieeeenndd!!!) to be one of his fashion models! Now the company is doomed!Can you spot my boyxxxfriend in the video? Hint: He is the one wearing this tie:
and this tie:and, like Carmen Sandiego, he is in a car flying a green, black, and yellow flag.Here is a video of men in ties:
Windmill Club AW 2009 from Buffalo Picture House on Vimeo.
NOW GET OFF YOUR DAMN DUFFS AND GO BUY KEVIN'S TIES!!!
Click here to join "the club."
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Show Your Crotch in 2010
Hi friends!
Happy Jew Year!
You know what I like about high-waisted jeans? They really show off the crotch.
Just think: When your kids are grown, you can say: "THis is a picture of me when I was your age. And this is the outline of my crotch."
Camel Ho.
Camel what?
No, but seriously.
Happy Jew Year!
You know what I like about high-waisted jeans? They really show off the crotch.
Just think: When your kids are grown, you can say: "THis is a picture of me when I was your age. And this is the outline of my crotch."
Camel Ho.Camel what?
No, but seriously.
Monday, December 21, 2009
The Perfect Bride
It's decided:
I have picked the perfect wedding outfit!
White feather coat:
No pants!
Now he or she is never gonna leave you!
He or she is gonna be like, "I'm marrying the hottest bitch on the block. This wife has no pants."
I have picked the perfect wedding outfit!
White feather coat:
No pants!Now he or she is never gonna leave you!
He or she is gonna be like, "I'm marrying the hottest bitch on the block. This wife has no pants."
Sunday, December 20, 2009
MERRY FLEXMAS!
Merry Flexmas.
Two announcements:
1: This necklace is a tiny gold Madonna cone bra:
Second announcement:
I just watched a movie called "Santa with Muscles" starring Hulk Hogan. Hulk is a billionaire who gets amnesia, thinks he's Santa, and saves an orphanage.
INCREDIBLE! INCREDIBLE MOVIE!!!!!
AND MILA KUNIS IS ONE OF THE ORPHANS!
Big fuckin' deal, Mila.
I've met Santa too, you know.
AND HE GAVE ME AN AUTOGRAPHED PHOTO OF COCO AND ICE T!!!
Framed it.
Two announcements:
1: This necklace is a tiny gold Madonna cone bra:
Second announcement:I just watched a movie called "Santa with Muscles" starring Hulk Hogan. Hulk is a billionaire who gets amnesia, thinks he's Santa, and saves an orphanage.
INCREDIBLE! INCREDIBLE MOVIE!!!!!AND MILA KUNIS IS ONE OF THE ORPHANS!
Big fuckin' deal, Mila.I've met Santa too, you know.
AND HE GAVE ME AN AUTOGRAPHED PHOTO OF COCO AND ICE T!!!
Framed it.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Stripper Heels Will Bring the Sex-y Mon-ey
I know I've picked stripper heels before but I feel about stripper heels the way prude-ass magazine editors feel about "classic trench coats" and "white button-downs" and other sad sack pieces of clothing:
LIKE A TAN TRENCH COAT, STRIPPER HEELS are AMERICAN CLASSICS! THEY GO WITH EVERYTHING IN YOUR CLOSET!!! THEY NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE!!!! BUY THEM ONCE, GIVE THEM TO YOUR GRANDSONS!!!!
The ones I've picked out for you are especially good because they have the word "SEXY" printed on them:
And these ones will bring the sex-y mon-ey:
And this is my friend, Puffy Winky:
American. Classics. 4 real.
LIKE A TAN TRENCH COAT, STRIPPER HEELS are AMERICAN CLASSICS! THEY GO WITH EVERYTHING IN YOUR CLOSET!!! THEY NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE!!!! BUY THEM ONCE, GIVE THEM TO YOUR GRANDSONS!!!!
The ones I've picked out for you are especially good because they have the word "SEXY" printed on them:
And these ones will bring the sex-y mon-ey:And this is my friend, Puffy Winky:American. Classics. 4 real.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
I WAS IN MIAMI, BITCH!!!!
OBVIOUSLY, I spent Thanksgiving ON SOUTH BEACH which was one of the greatest moves of all time.
I enjoyed all of the Thanksgiving classics: Cuban coffee! Beer! Chorizo and eggs! And I bought my very own t-shirt that says, "I'M IN MIAMI BITCH!" in rainbow letters.
A THANKSGIVING TRIUMPH!!
My Sir and I promised one another that no matter how drunk we got, we would not allow each other to get terrible tattoos. Just in case, though, I decided that if I needed a tattoo idea at-the-ready, my first choice would be to have a tattoo of a DELICIOUS GREEN PEA!
PIPPI (on the beach): PEAS ARE DELICIOUS! I will always love peas, so I will never be sad about my pea tattoo.
SIR: Pippi, don't get a tattoo on Thanksgiving.
PIPPI: ZZZZZZZZZZ.
SIR: Phew, she's asleep. Now I can sneak off and get a tattoo of her face on my face.
[16 hours later]
SIR: Pippi, wake up! Look how much I care.
PIPPI: OMG! You look fantastique!!! Happy Thanksgiving. You were an ok boyfriend but the only way to prove you care is to tattoo my face on your whole face and now you are, like, a really good boyfriend.
SIR: OMG, Happy Thanksgiving.
PIPPI: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!
Here's some good advice from Cosmo magazine: If your boyfriend doesn't get a face tattoo, he doesn't love you!!!
Other Cosmo advice: If your boyfriend doesn't hire a plane to write, "OMG, GURLFRIEND, U R SOOO HOT!!" he doesn't love you!!!!!
OMG, my boyfriend did not do that. OMG!!! I have to C him L8ter!!!!! THat is super bad.
MEANWHILE, Now we're back and although I have no pea tattoo, I think this pea necklace is a tame alternative:
Plus, it looks kind of like a bizarro vag with 6 clits.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
I enjoyed all of the Thanksgiving classics: Cuban coffee! Beer! Chorizo and eggs! And I bought my very own t-shirt that says, "I'M IN MIAMI BITCH!" in rainbow letters.
A THANKSGIVING TRIUMPH!!
My Sir and I promised one another that no matter how drunk we got, we would not allow each other to get terrible tattoos. Just in case, though, I decided that if I needed a tattoo idea at-the-ready, my first choice would be to have a tattoo of a DELICIOUS GREEN PEA!
PIPPI (on the beach): PEAS ARE DELICIOUS! I will always love peas, so I will never be sad about my pea tattoo.
SIR: Pippi, don't get a tattoo on Thanksgiving.
PIPPI: ZZZZZZZZZZ.
SIR: Phew, she's asleep. Now I can sneak off and get a tattoo of her face on my face.
[16 hours later]
SIR: Pippi, wake up! Look how much I care.
PIPPI: OMG! You look fantastique!!! Happy Thanksgiving. You were an ok boyfriend but the only way to prove you care is to tattoo my face on your whole face and now you are, like, a really good boyfriend.
SIR: OMG, Happy Thanksgiving.
PIPPI: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!
Here's some good advice from Cosmo magazine: If your boyfriend doesn't get a face tattoo, he doesn't love you!!!
Other Cosmo advice: If your boyfriend doesn't hire a plane to write, "OMG, GURLFRIEND, U R SOOO HOT!!" he doesn't love you!!!!!
OMG, my boyfriend did not do that. OMG!!! I have to C him L8ter!!!!! THat is super bad.
MEANWHILE, Now we're back and although I have no pea tattoo, I think this pea necklace is a tame alternative:
Plus, it looks kind of like a bizarro vag with 6 clits.HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sneaky Socks
Deez socks look like sneaks!!!
4 sure this is the invention of someone like me who wants to be in Jammies FULL TIME.
SOCK MAKER: Yeah, sure, sure coach, I've got all my gear.
COACH: JOHNSON!! ARE YOU WEARING YOUR JAMMIES TO THE GAME AGAIN??
SM: Uhhhh.
COACH: DAMNIT, KID!! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET TO STATE WITH YOU PLAYING GRAB-ASS AND JAMMIE PARTY??
SM: Uhhhhhhh. [Runs back to bed]
Work your jammie shoes!
4 sure this is the invention of someone like me who wants to be in Jammies FULL TIME.SOCK MAKER: Yeah, sure, sure coach, I've got all my gear.
COACH: JOHNSON!! ARE YOU WEARING YOUR JAMMIES TO THE GAME AGAIN??
SM: Uhhhh.
COACH: DAMNIT, KID!! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET TO STATE WITH YOU PLAYING GRAB-ASS AND JAMMIE PARTY??
SM: Uhhhhhhh. [Runs back to bed]
Work your jammie shoes!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Pippi Picks Nail Rings
I want you to start wearing these nails over your nails:
And wear metal toenails over your toenails, too.
RAWR! I SCWATCHED U!! I SCWATCHED U WITH MY METAL TOENAILS, BIIIIIIITCH!!!!
And wear metal toenails over your toenails, too. RAWR! I SCWATCHED U!! I SCWATCHED U WITH MY METAL TOENAILS, BIIIIIIITCH!!!!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
From Etsy.com's "Weird" Category
Today I Picked two foxy Picks 4 U from Etsy.com's "Weird" category:
A NOSE WARMER, similar to a NOSE WIG, which I have been trying to promote for years with little success:
My second pick is a CUSTOM BEARD that can be made to suit your face stylings:
WILL YOU CHOOSE A BROWN BEARD, BROWN BEARD?
WILL YOU CHOOSE RED, FIRECROTCH?
I think we ALL know the answer to that one.
A NOSE WARMER, similar to a NOSE WIG, which I have been trying to promote for years with little success:
My second pick is a CUSTOM BEARD that can be made to suit your face stylings:WILL YOU CHOOSE A BROWN BEARD, BROWN BEARD?
WILL YOU CHOOSE RED, FIRECROTCH?I think we ALL know the answer to that one.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Pippi Picks ShopFatal.com
Hi Friends,
OMG, so many things have happened lately we're going to have to chat for 300 hours! LOL ROFLMAO.
MEANWHILE, I think you should get a full wardrobe at website ShopFatal.com because they have ALL the lookz you need to COOK the streets with style:
Per esempio:
Darth Sweater:
Stretchy Cat Hat:
Prom Dress:
And Tall Shoes to bottom it off:
A complete look! No more problems!
OMG, so many things have happened lately we're going to have to chat for 300 hours! LOL ROFLMAO.
MEANWHILE, I think you should get a full wardrobe at website ShopFatal.com because they have ALL the lookz you need to COOK the streets with style:
Per esempio:
Darth Sweater:
Stretchy Cat Hat:
Prom Dress:And Tall Shoes to bottom it off:A complete look! No more problems!
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