Monday, February 26, 2007

The "Be Gone!" Collection

Instead of quacking about the Oscars which are boooooooooooooring, I have instead picked out a special "Be Gone!" collection for you. I have always tried to keep around a sack of clothes that will help me repel stinky people. Stinky people are people who kick grandmas, say "that's so gay," or try to talk about art history at parties. Included in my personal "Be Gone!" sack is my pale beige lipgloss which makes me look absolutely ill and my "Knife Fight" shirt. Together, I hope that the person I don't like gets my special message: "I am going to puke on your pants and then knife you!"
There are many ways that you can go. The first is to try to slip a subtle hint to this person. Try this necklace:
This necklace says, "If you keep talking about art history, I will hit you with a chain."
Meanwhile, you may have to deal with late night intruders:
If you wear this scissors shirt to bed, you can spring up and threaten, "If you don't get out of here, I will give you a terrible haircut! Be gone!"
If they don't get the hint, you may need this gun bracelet:
This tells your foe: "I don't have a gun. But I will flatten you with my stinky pits."
As a wise man once said, "Bitch! Get the fuck out my face!"

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