Friday, June 8, 2007

I Would Dump My Boyfriend for this Necklace

If you are single, I have the perfect outfit for you to use to pick up A+ babes.

First, you should find a dinner party being held by a friend who conspicuously didn't invite you because you "are a lush, try to show everyone your nipple rings, and wear perfume that smells like ass sweat."
Then you should wear this necklace:

And this bracelet:First, lock eyes with the person you want to bag. If the host took you into the kitchen and said, "If you are going to stay, please, for the love of cod, don't hit on my friend _____," you should be sure the pick that person.

Next you should point at your necklace and nod meaningfully. Then you should mouth, "Available." Then you should say, loudly, "AVAILABLE."
Then you should wave your bracelet in the air and say, "Let's make love, my darling." If that doesn't work, pretend to look at your watch. Then say, "Time for a rim job!" That will work.

See? Now you've bagged a fox.


anna said...

Let me tell you, I've been using this bracelet-necklace combination for all of the 53 years I've been single, and it works like a charm! Like a charm that's been soaked in unlucky juice and dragged through the mud!

Christopher said...