Readers Report (Extended Version)!

While I've been off cavoofing, some busy boo readers have sent in links that have inspired and thrilled them. It's time now for the 2008 Extended Update About Things Readers Saw Recently That Moved Them Emotionally.

Let's start with faithful reader "Anonymous," who sent me a link to e-mancipate.net. This site helps men find pantyhose to buy, which is very nice of them. The thing I LOVE, though, is that the site takes a proud pro-pantyhose stand, arguing that they are healthful, sexy, and "positive."

Click here to read e-mancipate.net's action items for increasing male pantyhose (which I will refer to as "mantyhose," "mantights," or "mights,") acceptance around the world. My favorite suggestion is to give mantyhose as a gift to colleagues.

My second favorite thing on the site is the pattern on the mantyhose below:

Here's my take: I am thrilled that men have a place to buy pouchie hose to wear with their roomie Manties (as featured on Pippi Picks during Mantie Mania).

Now my emotions are turning around because here's what I don't understand: TIGHTS!!!! WHY WAS I FORCED TO WEAR THEM AS A CHILD???? They fall down!! They go up my butt!!!! Men, women, we must all fight against e-mancipate.net by starting a rival company: Sloppy Legz, Inc, to promote bare, sloppy, hairy legs.

"Anonymous" also sent a link about "Bang-Go" caps, special, special hats that have a hole in the front so you can poke your bangs through. I had never thought about women with bangs as a disenfranchised group before, but this site turned my mind around in a Michigan minute. Also, I had to read the site 3 times before I understood what the fuck this crazy women was trying to sell. Answer: Bang-Go caps for sad people with bangs. Alternate answer: Hats for sluts who like it quick and have a car outside.

IN OTHER NEWS, I was recently reminded by a reader named "News for Caroline" that a close relative of my dear Clamato is BEEFAMATO, a product made by mixing tomato juice and beef broth.

SUGGESTED RECIPE:

1. Mail bottle of Beefamato to younger cousin.

2. Pass out on couch.

MEANWHILE (OH YES, THERE'SSS MORE!!!!!! THERE'S MORE 'N' MORE 'N' MOREE in this POST!!!!!!)

my big sister sent me some photos of Nike's new limited edition 3 BEARS-THEMED SNEAKS!!!!! BABY, MAMA, AND PAPA SNEAKS!!!!!! Nice find, Sister Bear!

Nice manufacturing, Nike!

NICE FIELD WORK, PIPPI PICKS READERS!!! You deserve a round of Friendly's Watermelon Slammers!!!!!!

Keep finding those picks, Faithful, and I'll keep slamming Clamato.

Rink Repper Rombs!!!! Ry got the Recipe!!!

Rello!  

R'I'm Rippi and R'I'm raCK FROM the rusades in the roods!

R'ok.

My friend She Lai luvvs LA now.  To celebrate him and his preferences, let's all wear LA gear!!

Question: Was LA Gear a clothing company?  Does it still exxist?

Let's start with this violent t-shirt:

Rood Job!

Now put on this one w/crown:

I bought you a license plate:

No rearry!

Ok, Eli, stop being such a pussy and get an LA tattoo.  My car is outside your house!  In 30 seconds I'm going to ring the doorbell and drive you to a parlour.  What kind of parlour, you ask?  SURPRISE!!!!

It's either an ice cream or a tattoo parlor, you'll find out when we arrive.

Here's a hint:

You're going to leave with one of THESE:Meanwhile, I want to share something I drank last night.

It's called a PEPPER BOMB.  Here is the recipe:

1 oz. Clamato (tomato and clam juice with onion powder, corn syrup, msg, etc), strained through ice

3 oz Dr. Pepper

1 oz Jaegermeister

Instructions:

1.  Strain Clamato through ice

2. Mix Clamato and Dr. Pepper in a 6 oz glass

3. Fill shot glass with Jaeger

4. Drop shot glass into Clam-Pepper glass

5. Chug

6. Make faces

7.  She Lai says, "I will never drink anything else again."

8.  Force younger cousin to drink 2 rounds of Pepper Bombs, followed by Crystal Palace

9.  Take photos of cousin

10. Mail photos to newspaper

11.  Play new age board game

12.  REPEAT!  REPEAR!  REPENT!!!  YOU SUCK!!!!!!  STOP DRINKING CLAMATO!!!  IT"S HURTING YOU!!!!  IT"S MAKING YOUR COUSIN FROW UP!!!!!!

13.  ????????

Ree you Rater!!!!

Hats in the Holy Land

During the second leg of my world tour, I traveled to the Holy Land, AKA my aunt and uncle's house in Jerusalem. I know that you are already jealous of me because I get to have a stylish and fantastic cousin like Haute Hank, but your jealousy will quadruple when you realize that I also was lucky enough to spend time with my amazing and hilarious 4 Additional Cousins, also known as "Guys Israel."

Here are some of the important lessons I learned in Jerusalem:

1. "Balagan gadol!" means that things are really messed up.
2. Lior needs you to go downstairs and get the statues.
3. The sun! It is a very strong ball of stuff!!!!!!!! I surrender!!!!!!! I vow to wear many hatzzz!!!!!!!!

Yes, friends, I have learned all about the power of hats.
You can join me by wearing some of the protective and fashionable hats that I have chosen for your beautiful head:

A brown bucket!A hat with ears!!!!This woman wants to hide her shamefully ugly eyes:I miss you, cousins!
I also miss wearing hats all the time, but soon the world will know THE TRUE MEANING OF HATZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!

Haute Hank Update

As I'm sure you can imagine, Haute Hank's toast at our cousin's wedding was a rousing success! Classy! Stylish! Brief! He also made them a book detailing the history of Fabulous Casual.

After the wedding, while I was busy bringing joy to other nations, Haute Hank was minding the fashion pulse of USA!
Here is one of his discoveries:
"This dress has a built in bib/napkin," he said. He also explained to me that this is a photo of Becki Newton, an actress from Ugly Betty. A true professional, he also knew that she was wearing Gucci. I was unaware of these things and was focused on trying to get mustard stains out of my white pants.

He also sent me a link for these many-zippered pantalons which I think are supposed to have something to do with Andy Warhol.Verdict: The pants look nothing like him.

Cultural Lessons From Gay Paris

Bonjour!
I have returned to the Pippi Picks offices for a few days before disappearing again!

While I was in Gay Paris, I walked past a store called "Pimkie," which I assume is French for PIPPI.
I think it is a French-fried Wet Seal-type store that sells teen girl clothes. Just look at how happy French teens are!!!!!!!!
While strolling and drinking cafe creme and citron presse, I discovered that, INDEED, Frenchies smoke cigarettes, drink wine, eat fromage, etc. Here is what I noticed about the fashion of the French: They wear white pants! These pants are also clean!
This taught me my most important cultural lesson:
Unlike people of other nations, the French do not sit in poop, rub sauce on their legs, or menstruate on themselves. WHAT A FINE NATION! A people who can picnic in parks with nary a green butt!