No neck = NO PROBLEM.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
No Escape
This watch has been "steampunked out:"
In this situation, that just means that the watch face has no chance of escaping the band because it's been trapped by some wire.
Look - if you're so freaked out about your parts falling off, we better lock your finger down, too:
Safety first!
UPDATE: Natty Ice second.
In this situation, that just means that the watch face has no chance of escaping the band because it's been trapped by some wire.Look - if you're so freaked out about your parts falling off, we better lock your finger down, too:
Safety first!UPDATE: Natty Ice second.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Pippi Picks JUMPSUITS
This week, you hafta wear a JUMPSUIT.
If you're too wussy to show that you CRAVE ONESIES, hide it under your tuxedo jacket and jeans SO NO ONE BUT YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOUR SHOULDERS AND COOCH ARE ATTACHED!!!!!!!
Also, add the denim model above to our collection of PIPPI PICKS OFFICIAL TATTOOED MODELS!
If you're too wussy to show that you CRAVE ONESIES, hide it under your tuxedo jacket and jeans SO NO ONE BUT YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOUR SHOULDERS AND COOCH ARE ATTACHED!!!!!!!Also, add the denim model above to our collection of PIPPI PICKS OFFICIAL TATTOOED MODELS!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Pippi Picks Soda Candles
Today's pick: Soda candles.
What's really floating my boat here is the idea of having a Dr. Pepper travel candle FOR TRAVEL DESTINATIONS THAT DON'T SMELL LIKE DR. PEPPER. This will come in handy when you're a pop star:
YOU: Good. You have the Kit Kats I requested. Don't worry - I will now attend to the scent of the room by lighting my Dr. Pepper candle.
STAGE MANAGER: Yummm!
YOU: The Dr is IN!
[LAter, in Hawaii]
YOU: This beach is delightful, but it smells like hideous sand and terrifying sea beasts.
OCTOPUS: Meow meow meow meow!
YOU: No, not you, Octobaby. I will now fix this stinky sea with the Schweppes Raspberry Ginger Ale candle I have brought my foyer.
What's really floating my boat here is the idea of having a Dr. Pepper travel candle FOR TRAVEL DESTINATIONS THAT DON'T SMELL LIKE DR. PEPPER. This will come in handy when you're a pop star:YOU: Good. You have the Kit Kats I requested. Don't worry - I will now attend to the scent of the room by lighting my Dr. Pepper candle.
STAGE MANAGER: Yummm!
YOU: The Dr is IN!
[LAter, in Hawaii]
YOU: This beach is delightful, but it smells like hideous sand and terrifying sea beasts.
OCTOPUS: Meow meow meow meow!
YOU: No, not you, Octobaby. I will now fix this stinky sea with the Schweppes Raspberry Ginger Ale candle I have brought my foyer.
Monday, February 2, 2009
What to Wear to Notorious
My 2 top pics for neckwear this week:
In honor of Biggie's new biopic, Notorious P.I.P. suggests you wear this to the movie theater to show them who you're rooting for:
Sadly, I've heard the movie is...bad. This is a disgrace because Biggie is an especially special and squishy guy and his memory deserves better.
TO FIX!
If you are angry with the film makers, show your dismay with this alternate necklace!
All fixed!!
In honor of Biggie's new biopic, Notorious P.I.P. suggests you wear this to the movie theater to show them who you're rooting for:
Sadly, I've heard the movie is...bad. This is a disgrace because Biggie is an especially special and squishy guy and his memory deserves better.TO FIX!
If you are angry with the film makers, show your dismay with this alternate necklace!
All fixed!!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
More Hair Jewelry!!!!!!!
This freaks me out but I still think you should wear it to work tomorrow:
Then when your boss says, "I'm watching you, Johnson!"
you can say, "AND MY NECK IS WATCHING YOU, HANS!!!!!!"
and your boss will say, "In this economy, you better watch your back, Fritz!"
and you'll say, "IN THIS ECONOMY, I HAVE MADE ALL OF MY ACCESSORIES OUT OF MY OWN HAIR, BOSS!"
That's when the boss will promote the hell out of you.
You may recall that this is not the first, or the last time, hair jewelry has been featured on Pippi Picks (click here for a hairy reminder).
Hair jewelry is one of our nation's treasures.
That and clam chowder.
GO!!
Then when your boss says, "I'm watching you, Johnson!"you can say, "AND MY NECK IS WATCHING YOU, HANS!!!!!!"
and your boss will say, "In this economy, you better watch your back, Fritz!"
and you'll say, "IN THIS ECONOMY, I HAVE MADE ALL OF MY ACCESSORIES OUT OF MY OWN HAIR, BOSS!"
That's when the boss will promote the hell out of you.
You may recall that this is not the first, or the last time, hair jewelry has been featured on Pippi Picks (click here for a hairy reminder).
Hair jewelry is one of our nation's treasures.
That and clam chowder.
GO!!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Pippi Picks Chloe's Cuties
In my recent post about Kat Von D's Kat Von BOOK, I mentioned CHLOE, my TV editress.
Y'all should know that in addition to drinking with me and doing Kat-Nikki role plays, Chloe is also an illustrator who makes buttons, cards, and other object d'cuteness:
These can be found on her website, IT'S A BIRD, BIRD WORLD.
Go!
Give her your money and your jewels!!!!!!!!!!!
Y'all should know that in addition to drinking with me and doing Kat-Nikki role plays, Chloe is also an illustrator who makes buttons, cards, and other object d'cuteness:
These can be found on her website, IT'S A BIRD, BIRD WORLD.Go!Give her your money and your jewels!!!!!!!!!!!
Texas Picks Tie-Suit
Shocking events, friends.
"Anonymous," a Frequent commenter has revealed his/her identity! They are the alias "TEXAS!" Now that I know that the state of Texas is the one that has been commenting here on Pippi Picks, I feel a deep craving for brisket.
MEANWHILE, Texas recommends that we meditate on this Alexander McQueen tie/speedo:
Neither your neck nor your nethers will fall off with this contrap!!!!!!!!!
Now when you swim you won't need to hold your pouch!
"Anonymous," a Frequent commenter has revealed his/her identity! They are the alias "TEXAS!" Now that I know that the state of Texas is the one that has been commenting here on Pippi Picks, I feel a deep craving for brisket.
MEANWHILE, Texas recommends that we meditate on this Alexander McQueen tie/speedo:
Neither your neck nor your nethers will fall off with this contrap!!!!!!!!!Now when you swim you won't need to hold your pouch!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Kat Von D's Hand Bra
I haven't checked in with my long-standing crush, Kat Von D, lately: 
...although I have been watching her get progressively crazier and more be-eyeshadowed as she tries to out-shaggy her shaggy man, Nikki Sixx.
Nikki is winning on the eyeshadow front:
Without calling me for advice, Kat decided to write a book and I think you should all buy six copies for me when it comes out in January:
There's a great scene in Kat's TV show, LA Ink, that my editress CHLOE pointed out to me. Nikki presents Kat with the forward he wrote for her book and Kat gets so excited that she almost rips Nikki's wigs off. "Baaaaaybeeeeeeee!" says Kat, "ILOVEIT, ILOVEIT!!!!!!!!"
I love you too, Kat, but I wear a lot more eyeshadow than you and Nikki put together. Even my CATS wear eyeshadow. My cats are also covered with tattoos. They're also vegan.
...although I have been watching her get progressively crazier and more be-eyeshadowed as she tries to out-shaggy her shaggy man, Nikki Sixx.Nikki is winning on the eyeshadow front:
Without calling me for advice, Kat decided to write a book and I think you should all buy six copies for me when it comes out in January:There's a great scene in Kat's TV show, LA Ink, that my editress CHLOE pointed out to me. Nikki presents Kat with the forward he wrote for her book and Kat gets so excited that she almost rips Nikki's wigs off. "Baaaaaybeeeeeeee!" says Kat, "ILOVEIT, ILOVEIT!!!!!!!!"I love you too, Kat, but I wear a lot more eyeshadow than you and Nikki put together. Even my CATS wear eyeshadow. My cats are also covered with tattoos. They're also vegan.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Take Off Your Pants!
Take off your pants!
Now, shake your butt!
Now, put these pants on!!!
Now drink some jus d'orange!
Now stop drinking it!
Now put on an eye patch and pretend to be Tom Cruise in Valkyrie!!
Now stop doing that!
Seriously, stop doing that!
Seriously. Stoppppp.
Now, shake your butt!
Now, put these pants on!!!
Now drink some jus d'orange!Now stop drinking it!
Now put on an eye patch and pretend to be Tom Cruise in Valkyrie!!
Now stop doing that!
Seriously, stop doing that!
Seriously. Stoppppp.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Readers Pick: Irregular Choice
I was so exhausted after sharing that backlog of reader submissions that I had to save this for later: One reader, the "sister" of "Wiper Peeler," recommended irregularchoicestore.co.uk and described it as a "wonderland."
UPDATE: It is, INDEED, a WONDERLAND OF CRAZY. STOP WEARING ALL YOUR PLAIN-ASS SHONKS AND SLIP INTO A PAIR OF CHERRY SHOEZZZ!!!!!
Perhaps splatter boots are more your speed?
These come with built in socks - THANK HE'ANS!!!!!
Don't go to marz without rocket boots!!!!!!!
Don't go anywhere without pink hot dog shoes!!!!!!!!!
Don't go on a sexy dates without these creepy-ass doll booties!!!!!!!!
Don't drive your frickin' car w/out spots driving shoes!!!!!!!!!
There are even tiny crazies for your crazy baby:
When you leave your frickin' house, wear these big shoes:
If your legs try to escape while you're doing errands, you can be all like, "Fuck you, legs! Y'all are strapped in!!!!!!!"
No escape, legs. Try again in 2010, you fuckers.
UPDATE: It is, INDEED, a WONDERLAND OF CRAZY. STOP WEARING ALL YOUR PLAIN-ASS SHONKS AND SLIP INTO A PAIR OF CHERRY SHOEZZZ!!!!!
Perhaps splatter boots are more your speed?These come with built in socks - THANK HE'ANS!!!!!Don't go to marz without rocket boots!!!!!!!Don't go anywhere without pink hot dog shoes!!!!!!!!!
Don't go on a sexy dates without these creepy-ass doll booties!!!!!!!!Don't drive your frickin' car w/out spots driving shoes!!!!!!!!!There are even tiny crazies for your crazy baby:When you leave your frickin' house, wear these big shoes:If your legs try to escape while you're doing errands, you can be all like, "Fuck you, legs! Y'all are strapped in!!!!!!!"No escape, legs. Try again in 2010, you fuckers.
Friday, January 2, 2009
2008 Backlogged Reader Submission EXTRAVEGANZA!
Honies:
I have been receiving so many fabulous reader finds and I have been delinquent about thanking y'all and sharing your gifts with the team.
I now present to you The Pippi Picks 2009 Presentation of the Backlogged Reader Submissions from 2008.
LET'S BEGIN, SPECIAL PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
My friend COUNT CHOCULA sent me these terrifying Crocs that are both Crocs and... purple sheeps.
One of my two cousins named Jonah (click here to see all the ridiculously cool shit he does for a living) sent me an INCREDIBLE video for The Snuggie AKA the ultimate jammie:
ANONYMOUS came through once again and sent me a link to a designer called Monsoon Saloon that makes crazy circus clothes, capes, puffies, and big sweaters:
Sweatshirt with leather tassels - DUH:
Click here to see this completely fucking crazy site.
MEANWHILE, Haute Hank sent me a link to a site that sells HAIR HATS!!!!!! YES!!!!!!! HAIR HATS 4 EVR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Click here to see HAIR HATZ!
Ever classy, he also sent me a link to Jewelry with John and Jackie (JJJ):
MEANWHILE, "Wiper Peeler" sent me a link to Shoewawa.com, a site having a contest for THE UGLIEST SHOES OF 2009:
Wiper was partial to THESE CAR SHOES:
I was also directed to irregularchoicestore.co.uk but I will have to post that later because I am now EXHAUSTED by all the EMOTIONS I am feeling from looking at car shoes, sheep boots, snuggies, etc.
READERS!!!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR FINE FINDINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
STAY VIGILANT!!!!!!!!
STAY HUNGRY!!!!!!!!1
HAPPY NEW YEAR, SPECIAL DUDES AND MA'AMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
I have been receiving so many fabulous reader finds and I have been delinquent about thanking y'all and sharing your gifts with the team.
I now present to you The Pippi Picks 2009 Presentation of the Backlogged Reader Submissions from 2008.
LET'S BEGIN, SPECIAL PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
My friend COUNT CHOCULA sent me these terrifying Crocs that are both Crocs and... purple sheeps.
One of my two cousins named Jonah (click here to see all the ridiculously cool shit he does for a living) sent me an INCREDIBLE video for The Snuggie AKA the ultimate jammie:
ANONYMOUS came through once again and sent me a link to a designer called Monsoon Saloon that makes crazy circus clothes, capes, puffies, and big sweaters:
Sweatshirt with leather tassels - DUH:
Click here to see this completely fucking crazy site.
MEANWHILE, Haute Hank sent me a link to a site that sells HAIR HATS!!!!!! YES!!!!!!! HAIR HATS 4 EVR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Click here to see HAIR HATZ!
Ever classy, he also sent me a link to Jewelry with John and Jackie (JJJ):
MEANWHILE, "Wiper Peeler" sent me a link to Shoewawa.com, a site having a contest for THE UGLIEST SHOES OF 2009:
Wiper was partial to THESE CAR SHOES:I was also directed to irregularchoicestore.co.uk but I will have to post that later because I am now EXHAUSTED by all the EMOTIONS I am feeling from looking at car shoes, sheep boots, snuggies, etc.READERS!!!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR FINE FINDINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
STAY VIGILANT!!!!!!!!
STAY HUNGRY!!!!!!!!1
HAPPY NEW YEAR, SPECIAL DUDES AND MA'AMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Pippi Learns About Christmas
Merry Christmas, One and All!
I am enjoying my Tex-Mex Interfaith Christmas and Hanukkah day!
I had thought my Mrs. Claus Halloween costume was hot shit but now I realize that I should have been rocking this:
Next Halloween.
In the meantime, I am enjoying such Christian delights as Die Hard, Christmas meats, and decorative greens. As an interfaith professional, I'd like to share some tips I have learned with you on this Jewish journey:
1. A stocking sometimes holds candy, but you should not try to eat the stocking itself.
2. A christmas tree may have a fine and festive smell, but you should not try to eat it.
3. Gift certificates are gifts, not snacks.
Learn from my mistakes!
I am enjoying my Tex-Mex Interfaith Christmas and Hanukkah day!
I had thought my Mrs. Claus Halloween costume was hot shit but now I realize that I should have been rocking this:
Next Halloween.In the meantime, I am enjoying such Christian delights as Die Hard, Christmas meats, and decorative greens. As an interfaith professional, I'd like to share some tips I have learned with you on this Jewish journey:
1. A stocking sometimes holds candy, but you should not try to eat the stocking itself.
2. A christmas tree may have a fine and festive smell, but you should not try to eat it.
3. Gift certificates are gifts, not snacks.
Learn from my mistakes!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Fringe Wins, World Loses
HAH!
I'm winning! The world is converting to a life of FRINGE!!
Fringe watches! Fringe on every body part!
I like to exercise my fringe secretly by wearing fringed things under my work attire. I also wear a gold sparkly bodysuit under my work attire, but that's a story for another day.
I'm winning! The world is converting to a life of FRINGE!!
Fringe watches! Fringe on every body part!I like to exercise my fringe secretly by wearing fringed things under my work attire. I also wear a gold sparkly bodysuit under my work attire, but that's a story for another day.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Pippi Picks Okley by M.I.A.
M.I.A., my favorite knocked-up musician, has designed a line of stripey looks!
Now you can wear a M.I.A. onesie!!!!!!!!!
You can have M.I.A.'s seductive face on your seductive front!
The jacket is my favorite:
I wish M.I.A. was pregnant with ME! Then I could go to all of her shows for FREE. Tummy-row seats!!!!!!!
Now you can wear a M.I.A. onesie!!!!!!!!!
You can have M.I.A.'s seductive face on your seductive front!The jacket is my favorite:I wish M.I.A. was pregnant with ME! Then I could go to all of her shows for FREE. Tummy-row seats!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Hot Coffee, Episode 5
Dear McDudes,
Another episode of Hot Coffee, the weekly comedy podcast I'm in, is up on the Hot Coffee website.
WHAT? YOU ASSHOLES DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I'M REFERRING TO???
I BLOGGED ABOUT IT BEFORE - THAT SHOULD BE TATTOOED IN YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE has a new feature: You can either LISTEN to the show OR you can WATCH IT as a VIDEO.
CLICK HERE FOR THIS WEEK'S EPISODE AT HOTCOFFEESHOW.COM!!!!!!
This week, we talked about Best Buy, the Jonas Brothers, and Plaxico Burress. Basically, everything you need to know to rock the SATs.
BLARG!
Another episode of Hot Coffee, the weekly comedy podcast I'm in, is up on the Hot Coffee website.
WHAT? YOU ASSHOLES DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I'M REFERRING TO???
I BLOGGED ABOUT IT BEFORE - THAT SHOULD BE TATTOOED IN YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE has a new feature: You can either LISTEN to the show OR you can WATCH IT as a VIDEO.
CLICK HERE FOR THIS WEEK'S EPISODE AT HOTCOFFEESHOW.COM!!!!!!
This week, we talked about Best Buy, the Jonas Brothers, and Plaxico Burress. Basically, everything you need to know to rock the SATs.BLARG!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
HOOD THONG???
I just realized that a fine reader, ANONYMOUS, posted a fantastic link that I never gave him or her props for: BEHOLD!!!!!!!!! THE HOOD THONG!!!!!!!!!!
I recommend you click on the link and check out the photo in it's full glory so you can soak up the following details:
Keep being you!!!!!!!
Love,
Pippi
I recommend you click on the link and check out the photo in it's full glory so you can soak up the following details:- THE MODEL'S NIPS ARE COVERED BY SPAGHETTI TASSELS. SEXY PASTA? EAT PASTA OFF MY BOOBS, BABY.
- THE MODEL IS HOLDING A FAKE ROCK.
- THE MODEL IS WEARING '80S SOCKS AND SNEAKS.
- THE MODEL IS WEARING A HOOD THONG.
Keep being you!!!!!!!
Love,
Pippi
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Exploding Animal Shirts!!!!!!!!!!!
Please wear shirts with animals exploding through the front:
Exploding shark!
Exploding magical horse!!!!!!
Props to faithful reader, BRIAN, who tipped me off to these special shirts.
DAMN, that horse is magical!!
Exploding shark!Exploding magical horse!!!!!!Props to faithful reader, BRIAN, who tipped me off to these special shirts.DAMN, that horse is magical!!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Pippi Ruined Thanksgiving
UGH!
I effed Thanksgiving - I forgot to bring my special Pilgrim suit:
Sorry, Family. I kind of shit the bed on that one.
Next year.
I effed Thanksgiving - I forgot to bring my special Pilgrim suit:
Sorry, Family. I kind of shit the bed on that one.Next year.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Pippi Picks HOT COFFEE
Dear Special Friends,
Don't worry! Now, in addition to getting all my great advice about what to put on, you can now HEAR MY COMFORTING VOICE IN YOUR EARS!
I've been working on a new project! Every Sunday, I hang out with my Special Guys and we record a COMEDY PODCAST based on news stories.
That's some of them!
Go to hotcoffeeshow.com to hear our latest episode! New shit gets posted every week by Tuesday and I'll let you know when it goes up.
NOW YOU CAN HAVE PIPPI FOR EVERY PART OF YOUR FACE: EYES, EARS, BRAIN, AND SMELLS!!!!!!!!
C-c-lick here to hear my first PODCAST PICK!!!!!
Don't worry! Now, in addition to getting all my great advice about what to put on, you can now HEAR MY COMFORTING VOICE IN YOUR EARS!
I've been working on a new project! Every Sunday, I hang out with my Special Guys and we record a COMEDY PODCAST based on news stories.
That's some of them!Go to hotcoffeeshow.com to hear our latest episode! New shit gets posted every week by Tuesday and I'll let you know when it goes up.
NOW YOU CAN HAVE PIPPI FOR EVERY PART OF YOUR FACE: EYES, EARS, BRAIN, AND SMELLS!!!!!!!!
C-c-lick here to hear my first PODCAST PICK!!!!!
Monday, November 24, 2008
EAT FROM ZE RABBIT'S BUTT!!!!!!!
I don't have clothez for you today, I have clothez 4 your food!!!!!!!
Here's the web copy that goes with the photo below to get you to buy it:
"This felted floppy-eared rabbit will keep your food warm. "
PIPPI: THANNX 4 COMING 2 DINNER AT MY HOUSE, I HAVE MADE SOME GREAT FOOD FOR YOU!
FRENCH FRIEND: THANX 4 DINNER!!!!! I'M, EH, SO PROUD OF VOU.
PIPPI: Eat up!
FRENCH FRIEND: Where iz zee food?
PIPPI: UNDER ZO RABBIT! IN ZE BUTT OF ZE RABBIT! EAT THE FOOD FROM THAT BUTT!!!!!!!!
FRENCHIE: U R A TRUE EUROPEAN!!!!!!
PIPPI: I'ma PEAN!!!!!!!!!
FRENCHIE: Kiss me with your American Mouth!!!!!!!
PIPPI: Don't burn me with your long cigarette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[WE TENDERLY EMBRACE]
Here's the web copy that goes with the photo below to get you to buy it:
"This felted floppy-eared rabbit will keep your food warm. "
PIPPI: THANNX 4 COMING 2 DINNER AT MY HOUSE, I HAVE MADE SOME GREAT FOOD FOR YOU!FRENCH FRIEND: THANX 4 DINNER!!!!! I'M, EH, SO PROUD OF VOU.
PIPPI: Eat up!
FRENCH FRIEND: Where iz zee food?
PIPPI: UNDER ZO RABBIT! IN ZE BUTT OF ZE RABBIT! EAT THE FOOD FROM THAT BUTT!!!!!!!!
FRENCHIE: U R A TRUE EUROPEAN!!!!!!
PIPPI: I'ma PEAN!!!!!!!!!
FRENCHIE: Kiss me with your American Mouth!!!!!!!
PIPPI: Don't burn me with your long cigarette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[WE TENDERLY EMBRACE]
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Professional Pippi
One of the saddest things about working a serious job is that I have to take my jammies off. No jammies for eight hours??!!!! R U 4 SERIOUS??? U CAN'T B SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?? THE ECONOMY'S IN THE POOP HOUSE?
OK, I UN-QUIT!!!!!!!!
WAIT - THAT MEANS I HAVE TO TAKE MY JAMMIES OFF AGAIN. FUUUCKK!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!
A sad cycle.
Ok, I can't quit and become a jammie model due to economic problems (broke). I realize that I can not wear my hoodie to the office and need to wear prissy jackets. If I have to wear jackets, at least I should wear a white tuxedo jacket like this:
I have started wearing this prissy swingy thing every day that looks kind of like this:
Most of the day I'm just like, "DUDE - JUST DON'T SPILL ON YOURSELF FOR A FEW MORE HOURS, OK??? JUST STICK THE LUNCH IN YOUR MOUTH-HOLE AND DON'T TAKE ANY WEIRD DETOURS OR MASH IT ON YOUR BOOB OR SOMETHING - OHHHH!!!!!!! 2 LATE."
I guess I could branch out and get some frilly things like this lady BUT LOOK WHAT IT DID TO HER LIPS!!!!!!! IT MADE HER LOOK LIKE A GUPPY!!!!!!!!!!
AND THIS MODEL IN THIS LITTLE WHITE THING IS, LIKE SUPER DRUNK OR STONED OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I guess if this model was allowed to come to work sauced I don't see why I can't.
I just got a call - this model is not stoned, she had just come out of a viewing of "Four Christmases."
WHAT?? THE ECONOMY'S IN THE POOP HOUSE?
OK, I UN-QUIT!!!!!!!!
WAIT - THAT MEANS I HAVE TO TAKE MY JAMMIES OFF AGAIN. FUUUCKK!!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!!!
A sad cycle.
Ok, I can't quit and become a jammie model due to economic problems (broke). I realize that I can not wear my hoodie to the office and need to wear prissy jackets. If I have to wear jackets, at least I should wear a white tuxedo jacket like this:
I have started wearing this prissy swingy thing every day that looks kind of like this:
Most of the day I'm just like, "DUDE - JUST DON'T SPILL ON YOURSELF FOR A FEW MORE HOURS, OK??? JUST STICK THE LUNCH IN YOUR MOUTH-HOLE AND DON'T TAKE ANY WEIRD DETOURS OR MASH IT ON YOUR BOOB OR SOMETHING - OHHHH!!!!!!! 2 LATE."I guess I could branch out and get some frilly things like this lady BUT LOOK WHAT IT DID TO HER LIPS!!!!!!! IT MADE HER LOOK LIKE A GUPPY!!!!!!!!!!
AND THIS MODEL IN THIS LITTLE WHITE THING IS, LIKE SUPER DRUNK OR STONED OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I guess if this model was allowed to come to work sauced I don't see why I can't.I just got a call - this model is not stoned, she had just come out of a viewing of "Four Christmases."
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