Arm Chains?
Something called a "Druid Hood:"
A SEE-THRU WEDDING DRESS!
And, best of all, a NO PANTS SITUATION!!!!
These buyers have been following my advice carefully, I see.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Bona Drag Picks Druid Hood, Etc
I have just been won over by the Bona Drag Boutique, because there are lots of things there that I don't understand, including:
Arm Chains?Something called a "Druid Hood:"A SEE-THRU WEDDING DRESS!And, best of all, a NO PANTS SITUATION!!!!These buyers have been following my advice carefully, I see.
Arm Chains?
Something called a "Druid Hood:"A SEE-THRU WEDDING DRESS!And, best of all, a NO PANTS SITUATION!!!!These buyers have been following my advice carefully, I see.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Pippi Picks Thigh Tattoos
This week, I want you to get a thigh tattoo.
COME oN! Do it!!!! It will be so fun!!!!!
The best thing about thigh tattoos is that people can only see them when you're not wearing pants, which I hope is all the time. A TATTOO FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T WEAR PANTS!!! THAT SHOULD BE PERFECT FOR YOU!!!!
Then you'll be part of a special no-pants crowd. Thigh tattoos are especially great for:
SWIMSUIT MODELS!! YESS!! They NEVER have to wear pants. In fact, they CAN'T wear pants.
PANTS? NO CHANCE.
Just think: YOU'LL LOOK LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE!! She has a thigh tattoo and she looks GREAT.
If you have a job where you need to not wear pants, your tattoo will be especially handy. Lady Gaga is the CEO of No Pants and she understands this. She ran right out the door to get a thigh tattoo:
You could be the next Lady Gaga, bro!!!
Just take your pants off and get to WORK.
Here's the thigh tattoo that I'm going to get today:
AM I TOO LATE??????????
Once a year, my thigh will know just what to say.
COME oN! Do it!!!! It will be so fun!!!!!
The best thing about thigh tattoos is that people can only see them when you're not wearing pants, which I hope is all the time. A TATTOO FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T WEAR PANTS!!! THAT SHOULD BE PERFECT FOR YOU!!!!
Then you'll be part of a special no-pants crowd. Thigh tattoos are especially great for:
SWIMSUIT MODELS!! YESS!! They NEVER have to wear pants. In fact, they CAN'T wear pants.
PANTS? NO CHANCE.Just think: YOU'LL LOOK LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE!! She has a thigh tattoo and she looks GREAT.
If you have a job where you need to not wear pants, your tattoo will be especially handy. Lady Gaga is the CEO of No Pants and she understands this. She ran right out the door to get a thigh tattoo:
You could be the next Lady Gaga, bro!!!Just take your pants off and get to WORK.
Here's the thigh tattoo that I'm going to get today:
AM I TOO LATE??????????Once a year, my thigh will know just what to say.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Pippi Sez: Good Idea, Bad Name
Oh. That's a good idea: ear plug earrings for your ear holes:
The only bad thing about these is that they have a terrible name: "Ladybuds." Sounds wrong. Sounds like something euphemistic somebody might say to a tween to teach her about puberty. Bad name for earrings.
NEW NAME: Ear Stuffers. Double Stuffs. Muff Stuffers? Much better.
The only bad thing about these is that they have a terrible name: "Ladybuds." Sounds wrong. Sounds like something euphemistic somebody might say to a tween to teach her about puberty. Bad name for earrings.NEW NAME: Ear Stuffers. Double Stuffs. Muff Stuffers? Much better.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
ANONYMOUS Picks Golden Shorts
Many thanks to "Anonymous," who wrote a very friendly and nice comment on the last post. What a nice guy, girl, or other!
"Anon" also came through BIG TIME and picked these fine, golden, frilly shortS:
From the front, the shorts are strange.
From the back... the shorts have a see-through mesh panel.
From either side, these shorts are $2,680.
WERF. IT.
Nice work, Anonymous!
From the front, the shorts are strange.
From the back... the shorts have a see-through mesh panel.From either side, these shorts are $2,680.
WERF. IT.
Nice work, Anonymous!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Pippi Picks Christina Aguilera's Sandwich Ring
At first I was like, "WHAT is THIS?"
Then I realized that it's a ring that connects your thumb and index figure.
So that it looks like you are constantly holding a sandwich.
Then I realized: CHRISTINA AGUILERA KNOWS WHAT'S UP!!! CHRISTINA AGUILERA IS WEARING PERMANENT SANDWICH JEWELRY!!
CLICK HERE to buy your own sandwich ring!
Click here to buy your own sandwich!
Then I realized that it's a ring that connects your thumb and index figure. So that it looks like you are constantly holding a sandwich.
Then I realized: CHRISTINA AGUILERA KNOWS WHAT'S UP!!! CHRISTINA AGUILERA IS WEARING PERMANENT SANDWICH JEWELRY!!
CLICK HERE to buy your own sandwich ring!Click here to buy your own sandwich!
Monday, September 20, 2010
PLEASE Wear This
Please, PLEASE wear this shirt on your next date:
You will LIGHT FIRES with your hotttt boddyyyy.
It also comes in pink:
I want one.
Wouldn't life be great if the only clothes in your closet were that green shirt, the pink shirt, and this dress?
And maybe a pair of rollerblades.
You will LIGHT FIRES with your hotttt boddyyyy.It also comes in pink:
I want one.Wouldn't life be great if the only clothes in your closet were that green shirt, the pink shirt, and this dress?
And maybe a pair of rollerblades.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
NP, NS
HOO! If I had this sweater, I'd be SET!
I'd go cruising around with NP, NS (No Pants, No Shirt). And big boots:
Oh, or maybe these ones, which come with their own hair:
I'd go cruising around with NP, NS (No Pants, No Shirt). And big boots:Oh, or maybe these ones, which come with their own hair:
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Pippi Finds the Money Shot
I don't know what happened, but today I got obsessed with looking at actors' headshots:
WHY?
WHY SO STRANGE?
There's just something... strange.
Sometimes, it's weird because you can hear the person saying, "Mom, my theater teachers love me! I'm going to move to LA!"
Sometimes, it's weird because the person is making a face that you have never seen before:
Sometimes, it's awkward, because they actor looks skeezy when it seems like they were trying for "sensual:"
Sometimes, it feels awkward because it's like the photo is going in for the kiss and you're all like, "I DON'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY!!! WE'RE JUST LAB PARTNERS!!!!"
But, sometimes, just sometimes, it all comes together and you get the money shot:
OOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!!
I would cast him for ANYTHING!!!!!!
I would cast his TURTLENECK if he was unavailable!!!!!!!!
WHY?WHY SO STRANGE?
There's just something... strange.
Sometimes, it's weird because you can hear the person saying, "Mom, my theater teachers love me! I'm going to move to LA!"
Sometimes, it's weird because the person is making a face that you have never seen before:
Sometimes, it's awkward, because they actor looks skeezy when it seems like they were trying for "sensual:"
Sometimes, it feels awkward because it's like the photo is going in for the kiss and you're all like, "I DON'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY!!! WE'RE JUST LAB PARTNERS!!!!"
But, sometimes, just sometimes, it all comes together and you get the money shot:
OOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!!I would cast him for ANYTHING!!!!!!
I would cast his TURTLENECK if he was unavailable!!!!!!!!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Big Shoulders, Big Shoes
Gurl, how come all your shirts don't have shoulder pads??
You should drefinitely werk that!!!!! And get some real tall shoes to get those shoulders UPP!!!! UP to the ROOFE!!!
Mama SAID there'd be days like this.
You should drefinitely werk that!!!!! And get some real tall shoes to get those shoulders UPP!!!! UP to the ROOFE!!!Mama SAID there'd be days like this.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
JWOW Launches FILTHY COUTURE
YES!
Jenni Farley, AKA JWOW from Jersey Shore, finally has her own clothing line! FINALLY!
This is called the "Feathers Top:"
I am very proud of JWOW for starting this beautiful clothing line BUT I am MOST PROUD of her name for the line: FILTHY COUTURE!
Here are my suggestions for spin-off fashion lines:
NASTY HATS!
FANCY CREEPS
CROTCHLESS COUTURE
CROTCH-HAT MANURE
FILTH-CROTCH ALLURE
SEXY RATS
RATS IN CROTCHLESS HATS COUTURE
This JWow is a woman after my own crotchless heart.
Work that chain bikini!
Also, check out the website: All the models kind of look like JWow.
Y'all are LUCKY I don't have a clothing line where all the models wore what I wore and looked like me because it would look like THIS:
PANDA PARTY!!!!!
Jenni Farley, AKA JWOW from Jersey Shore, finally has her own clothing line! FINALLY!
This is called the "Feathers Top:"
I am very proud of JWOW for starting this beautiful clothing line BUT I am MOST PROUD of her name for the line: FILTHY COUTURE!Here are my suggestions for spin-off fashion lines:
NASTY HATS!
FANCY CREEPS
CROTCHLESS COUTURE
CROTCH-HAT MANURE
FILTH-CROTCH ALLURE
SEXY RATS
RATS IN CROTCHLESS HATS COUTURE
This JWow is a woman after my own crotchless heart.
Work that chain bikini!
Also, check out the website: All the models kind of look like JWow.Y'all are LUCKY I don't have a clothing line where all the models wore what I wore and looked like me because it would look like THIS:
PANDA PARTY!!!!!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Pippi Picks Legs
This Valentines Day, Love Your Legs!
Legslegslegslegslegslegslegs!
This Valentine's Day, Eat EGGS!!!!!!
This Valentine's Day.......GROW EXTRA LEGS!!!!!
Legslegslegslegslegslegslegs!This Valentine's Day, Eat EGGS!!!!!!
This Valentine's Day.......GROW EXTRA LEGS!!!!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Where the Wild Clothes Are
Spike Jonze made "Where the Wild Things Are," which OF COURSE I didn't see (because, as you know, I'm waaaay to busy drinking Tecate and watching Tool Academy to go to the movies).
ALso, that movie seemed boring. No fight scenes. No car scenes. No point.
THEN, Spike Jonze did something better: He made "Where the Wild Clothes Are."
YES, you can buy these clothes. Click Here to buy these furry clothes!
PLEASE BUY THESE FURRY CLOTHES FOR YOUR WILD MOM FOR MOM'S DAY!!
I KNOW SHE WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A WILD MOM!!!
What are these guys called? I read that book a long time ago. All I can remember is that there was a guy named Max in that book.
PIPPI'S REVIEW OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (based on memories):
There is a lot of gray. Max is a kid and he's upset about his parents or something. He's standing in the other room. Then he's on an island with lots of plumes. There's some rhyming. The wild things jump and shout I think and then Max feels emotionally liberated. Things don't change that much at home.
ALso, that movie seemed boring. No fight scenes. No car scenes. No point.
THEN, Spike Jonze did something better: He made "Where the Wild Clothes Are."
YES, you can buy these clothes. Click Here to buy these furry clothes!PLEASE BUY THESE FURRY CLOTHES FOR YOUR WILD MOM FOR MOM'S DAY!!
I KNOW SHE WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A WILD MOM!!!
What are these guys called? I read that book a long time ago. All I can remember is that there was a guy named Max in that book.
PIPPI'S REVIEW OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (based on memories):
There is a lot of gray. Max is a kid and he's upset about his parents or something. He's standing in the other room. Then he's on an island with lots of plumes. There's some rhyming. The wild things jump and shout I think and then Max feels emotionally liberated. Things don't change that much at home.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Pippi Picks Playoff Beards 2010
How many cousins do I have? I have 100,000 cousins. You've heard of Haute Hank (of course) and Lil Lil, and also many others, and by now you know that something went WRONG with our great grandpere because we got ALL THE BEST GENES and THERE WERE NONE FOR ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD. THE REST OF THE WORLD IS LIKE, "UHHHH. HOW ARE WE GONNA DO STUFF, HAUTE HANK'S GENES ARE MADE OUT OF DIAMOND SCONES."
Meanwhile, my family runs the internet. And sports. To combine all the things we are the boss of, two more cousins, one a sea captain and one the founder of the band Amethyst, have started growing playoff beards on the internet to help the Cavs win the playoffs. As you can see, they have a long way to go:
This is the sea captain:
And this is the man who brought us the music of Amethyst:
You know what they say: "No beards is good beards." But that was another time.
I can't grow my own Playoff Beard so in solidarity, I'm going to wear a beard wig.
This one, perhaps?
Or how about gray beard?
Or this guy?
This beard kind of makes me want to barf:
GOOD LUCK, COUSINS!!!!!!!!!
FOLLOW THEIR PROGRESS AT www.playoffbeards2010.blogspot.com!
Meanwhile, my family runs the internet. And sports. To combine all the things we are the boss of, two more cousins, one a sea captain and one the founder of the band Amethyst, have started growing playoff beards on the internet to help the Cavs win the playoffs. As you can see, they have a long way to go:
This is the sea captain:
And this is the man who brought us the music of Amethyst:You know what they say: "No beards is good beards." But that was another time.I can't grow my own Playoff Beard so in solidarity, I'm going to wear a beard wig.
This one, perhaps?
Or how about gray beard?Or this guy?This beard kind of makes me want to barf:GOOD LUCK, COUSINS!!!!!!!!!FOLLOW THEIR PROGRESS AT www.playoffbeards2010.blogspot.com!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Ghost Shoes!
Ghost shoes!
A ghost's shoes!
Who left these ghost shoes in my house?
What happened?
How long was I out? And when did I put on these jean shoes?
So many questions.
A ghost's shoes!
Who left these ghost shoes in my house?
What happened?How long was I out? And when did I put on these jean shoes?
So many questions.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Pippi Picks Dancing Panda
I am SO proud of my Tender Panda (AKA Panda Anderson) because she is on Dancing With The Stars and now the whole world will know what a special flower she is.
A DANCING PANDA!!
MWA!
Dance, Panda, Dance!
XOXO!!!!
A DANCING PANDA!!
MWA!Dance, Panda, Dance!XOXO!!!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Rompers P.S.
I know that on March 4 I talked up rompers, but I have a P.S.:
Let's be honest with ourselves: There are some outfits that even models can't work.
The woman pictured below is a model but she looks like a pillow with a face:
I'd still do her, but we need the straight talk express: this romper has ruined this model's career.
Thank g-d she's not a a butt model or she'd be broke.
Other Unflattering Rompers:
This model has a poopy-diaper-looking saggy romper crotch:
This model has no feet:
I don't even know what happened to her:
Oh, shit. This is the same model as that other model in the striped romper. Someone is out to get her so they can take her house:
Wait - is this the same model, too, or some other model?
Something weird's going on.
I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
I'm still pro-romper, but then again, my ass is so nice I could sell shit to a llama if you know what I mean. These models need to take a page from my book if they want to make that ca$h.
I'd still do her, but we need the straight talk express: this romper has ruined this model's career.
Thank g-d she's not a a butt model or she'd be broke.
Other Unflattering Rompers:
This model has a poopy-diaper-looking saggy romper crotch:
This model has no feet:
I don't even know what happened to her:
Oh, shit. This is the same model as that other model in the striped romper. Someone is out to get her so they can take her house:
Wait - is this the same model, too, or some other model?
Something weird's going on.
I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
I'm still pro-romper, but then again, my ass is so nice I could sell shit to a llama if you know what I mean. These models need to take a page from my book if they want to make that ca$h.
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