Glitter Earrings!

When I was little, I would have thought these were the most beautiful earrings in the world:
Now I'm older and wiser and I think that these are the most beautiful earrings in America.
I'm man enough to admit that there might be some more glittering jewels in New Zealand that I don't know about.

I Am the Xmas Xpert!

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!
I am celebrating my very first Christmas this year with my A+ boyf's family! A Jew at Christmas! That's as preposterous as a clam in the senate!

Look, guys. I may be le Jew, but I sure know how to dress for Christmas. I also make sure to have a set of holiday sweaters to impress the Christian Crew.

This is a photo of me enjoying the Christmas lights:This is a picture of me in my most spirited sweater. Look! Even the flamingos are wearing Christmas sweaters!
Sometimes, though, Christmas is less casual. At those times, I ditch my sweaters and slip on this delightful top:
Merry Christmas Eve!
Don't forgot to clean your Santa Chute!

This is the Time Machine Calling

All my peeps know that I suck at returning phone calls.
I should make "Return Phonecalls" one of my New Year's Resolutions right after
"Stop Swearing" and
"Eat More Blueberries."

I bet I'd be about 3 times more likely to call people back if I had one of these babies in my apartment:
"Hullo, this is Sergeant Pippi calling."
"Hullo?"
"Oops. Wrong number."

But at least I'd try, right?

Pippi Picks UNIQLO

Yesterday I went to the Uniqlo in Soho and marveled at the crazy display cases:
Hoo hah! UNIQLO is like Mr. Japanese Gap.

There were lots of Christmas shoppers there saying, "HO HO HO!" and "I am looking for gifts for my 14-year-old niece! I do not know her very well but I am obligated to buy her a thing! Ho ho ho!"

Hip 2 B Square

McDudes - isn't this a rockin' square ring?
Like a Lego, right?
Like a golden Lego.

Do baby kings play with golden Legos? I sure hope so.

When I have babies, I'm going to give them golden Legos and platinum Play-doh. And I'll nurse them with liquid gold straight from my golden teet! Ewwwwwwww!

Seriously, though, they will definitely wear diamond diapers. So expensive but SO worth it.

Sharpei Chic

Look at this wrinkly dress! Sharpei chic!
See, the model below is wearing the dress and you can barely tell that she is styled like a wrinkly dog.I think you should really play up the wrinkly factor by pairing the dress with this Mike & Chris swaddling cape: Then, layer it with this jacket :
Then call your friends and yell into the receiver: "I'm as wrinkly as a sea lion!!!!!!!"They'll be all like, "Grrrrl, you look goooooooooooood."

Pippi Picks Forever 21

Man, I kind of love Forever 21.
It just has all this cheap crap. Mmmmm. Cheap. Craaaaaaap. Mmm.

I had a moment when I suddenly wanted to buy these funny looking mocs:
Like, oooooooooooooh. Slippers with hard bottoms! Then I said, "Uhhhh.... Will that match my sequin bodysuit? Will that match my pleather hot pants? No. Then they just aren't practical."

However, if this special lady below walked into Forever 21, I would advise her differently.
I would say, "Special ho! Tsk tsk! You paid $72.45 for that leather bustier! You could have gotten a Fo Fo 21 bustier for only $20!"
She would say, "Thank you, Pippi. You are like my Santa Ma'am. You helped me have a great Xmas AND a happy jew year."
Then I would say, "Anytime," and we would go get a sandwich or something.

Have a Leather Hanukkah

Happy Hanukkah, special dudes!
I know, I know. I've been a deadbeat mom and Pippi Picks has been quiet since T-giving.

To make it up to you, I'm going to encourage you wear those nasty little leather gloves:
I never really feel warm in gloves like these because my little fingers can't mash together mitten-style. However, I'll do anything to be covered in LEATHER.To go full hammy, pair them with a leather jacket like celebrity chef Lindsay Lohan:Toot toot! That's a Hanukkah train!

Henry Hodgepodge: Meet You Downstairs With the Turkey

As you know, whenever there's a holiday I get to spend time with my cousin Henry, AKA Disco Diva.

Henry says: "Disco Diva is not just a muse of music. She is also a living fashion goddess."

Henry and I discovered this denim jumpsuit, appropriately called Disco Diva:

Here's the website copy:

"Disco Diva 1970s Denim Haltertop Jumpsuit. Funk-tastic with sexy zipper down the front, wide belt loops (we've added the chunky silver and goldtone chain link belt - included). Wide bellbottom flares. Long, lean, and luscious! Never worn! Bust 32" - 34", Waist 24", Hips 36", Inseam 37" (extra long for your high platforms or your roller skates!). #27931
************************************************ SOLD"



It's Thanksgiving-ish so Henry has picked out beautiful buckles for you to wear on your shoes to meet the turkey downstairs.
Just like the pilgrims!
To go with your outfit, you should get a be-wigged dog:

Complete with Juicy Crittoure "Pawlish" (nail polish for dogs, DUH):

Henry Says: "Just in time for your Christmas parties, here is an outfit that surely will be the talk of the town:"
Pair it with this special hat! Great! I like it! I'm soooooooooooooo elated! Also, I am happy!!!Don't forget Stanksgiving! To remember the pilgrims, wear these buckle shoes.

Henry says: "They're the Prada of the 1600s."One final shout out to our favorite Advertising Services Manager:

Henry got a Vogue-tastic package from her and just loves it! He says, "It will inspire me for future picks!"

Perfecto!

Die, Coco (Chanel. Not Special Coco)!!!!!

I still love this Alex + Chloe "Coco is Dead" necklace:
If you wanted to be extra sassy you could wear it with this Chanel baysuit:
What a combo!
Do you love Chanel... or want her and her blasted company to die?

Love?
Die?
Love?
Die?
Love?
Die?
Hmmm... DIE!!!!!!!

OF COURSE, I do not mean Special Coco, Ice T's beautiful wife:
She is Pippi Pick's special angel. She sits on my shoulder and protects me from harm.
"Coco, what should I do now?" I ask her."Grab some string, grease up, and squat near a car," she says.
Special Coco: 1.
Coco Chanel: ZEEEERO.

Puffies!

Oops! I am a forgetter!
My friend Greg sent me links to these photos a long time ago and I got very excited and then got distracted by things like cats and football and forgot to post them.

Lookie!
A clothes that is also a bed!

The artists who made it call it a "Sleeping Bag Dress" and say, "You wear it as a dress in the day and inflate it to make yourself a sleeping bag when night has come."
Good job, you little artists!
These are "Uniblow Outfits" that inflate when you walk.

This brought a tear to my eye because it reminds of my favorite artist ever, the magical Leigh Bowery (see below):Moo moo!
Puffies!

Sir Charge, Why Did You Get Mad?

OMG - I get SOOOOOOO SAD when Sir Charge uses his mean voice at the end (see earlier posts).

...but I forgive him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG, That Sir Charge

I just watched Sir Charge 3 more times. Oooooooooooooooooooh! Sir Charge!!!!!!

Nice leg wiggle, Sir Charge!
Nice origami money bird!!!!!!!

PS: We are best friends.

Pippi LOVES Sir Charge

I've become completely obsessed with this Time Warner commercial starring my best friend, Sir Charge.

Hooray! Sir Charge!



I get sad at the end when Sir Charge uses his mean voice. I like to mute that part when it comes on TV.

I LOVE YOU, SIR CHARGE!!!!
YOU ARE MY MOST SPECIAL FRIEND!!!!!!!!!
GIVE ME 1,000 HUGS, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

OH, Sir Charge. You special guy.

Glam Rain Cape with Real Catz

This glam rain cape is lined with cheetah!
Real cheetahs!
Big, big cats!
Huge, fat, fast cats!

Your Head to Toe Look

Ok, honies. This weekend I've picked out a full Patricia Field outfit for you.

Start with these special pants:Then layer over them these plaid, suspendered bubble shorts:

You should carry around this clutch because it has pictures of boobs on it:All you need is a sequined fanny pack and some shades and you're ready to go!


Oops! How embarrassing - you almost left the house without your glittering grillz!!!!!Shame on you.

Pippi Picks Bunniezz

Man, I could have sworn I already insisted that you wear these magnificent bunny shoes but now I can't remember.
PIPPI: Did I already post these?
BOYFRIEND: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
PIPPI: [Whispering] Are you awake?
BOYFRIEND: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
PIPPI: Are you asleep?
BOYFRIEND: Zzzzzzzzzzz
PIPPI: [Dumps pudding on B's head]
BOYFRIEND: Glarg!
PIPPI: Thank blarg you're up -This is really important - I can't remember if I already posted a picture of these bunny-flavored shoes on my magnificent blog.
B: Those? Hmmm. No, I think you just talked about it.
P: You talk too much. Go back to sleep.
Jonah, I know it's too little, too late for your halloween gear but remember: EVERY DAY'S THE FOURTEENTH!!!!!!!!!

Pippi Picks ToBeAPirate.com

Happy Halloween, Ma'ams and Sirs!

To extend the holiday, I think tomorrow you should go into work wearing this:This is from tobeapirate.com, a website that both shox and awes me.
I have so many questions!

1. Why does it sell only pirate things?
2. Why is the "About Us" page signed by "Cap'n Patrick Buttscrape?"
3. When should I wear this jacket?

Answer: I should wear this jacket to the zoo to intimidate the animals.

Slutty Mannequin

Doesn't this freak you out a little?Hey mannequin - I can see your vagine.

Finally, the Leather Jacket of My Dreams

The Anica Boutique website has lots of fancy and stylish things but I have picked my two favorites just 4 U.

Puh-lease wear this royal blue accordion dress all week long: Then if you run into someone lame who you used to go to school with you can just put your finger over their mouth and say, "Shhhhhhhh. Don't speak. I am hiding." Then flip up the collar and stand very still.

Here's my second project for you:
1. Buy a leather jacket.
2. Take it to a tailor.
3. Say this:
YOU: Hi, I need some alterations made.
TAILOR: Two tomato basil!
YOU: Mmmm. Pizza...
TAILOR: Pepperoni??
YOU: Ok, ok. I need you cut the sleeves off the jacket.
TAILOR: Fine.
YOU: Actually, cut off the neck, too.
TAILOR: Moo moo.
YOU: Hmm... You know what - can you cut off the bottom of the jacket, too?
TAILOR: With ease! That will be $37.50
YOU: And can you cut a triangle out of the back, too?
TAILOR: That will be $91.50.
YOU: A small price to pay for the jacket of my dreams:
Spatzolino!

Evil Glasses

Don't wear these sunglasses all weekend or you'll turn into an evil genius again:
Last time you wore these too long you invented an evil version of the internet call the "Splinternet" that uses Master Splinter's fine reputation to spread slander.

I'd Rather Go Naked Than Stop Bedazzling to Kraftwerk

If you have any office work or crafting (aka Kraftwerk), please use the appropriate tools:
People who refuse to use rhinestone-studded office tools make me sick.

One time I almost had to blog with a non-bejeweled mouse but I called the staff at the Plaza and yelled, "XXCUUUUSE ME!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???????? " The problem was fixed.