Thursday, December 28, 2006

Crazy New Year!

Friends! It is almost New Year's Eve! Let's fly!
New Year's Eve is the perfect occasion to wear a huge dress that will make you look insane. Go for broke, tender ones! Now is not the time to be coy! Go nutz, babies!
Look in the mirror. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I look batshit crazy?
2. Am I wearing a hat?
3. Why is there mustard on my cheek?
4. What will this year bring?
IF THE ANSWER IS "YES," YOU'RE READY FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!
Try this special dress made of puffy fans:


This pink dress looks crazy by itself, but the model's expression is what really tipped my scales. Yeah! Try wearing that with a "Whoo! 2007!" thigh tattoo and you'll be alllllllllll set.

I think this yellow poufy is supposed to be a knockoff of Michelle Williams' dress from the Oscars:

HOWEVER:
When Michelle Williams wore the dress she looked like the prettiest chicken in the coop. If you wear this dress to go hang out in your friend's garage and drink Miller Light YOU WILL LOOK INSANE.
The dress below IS COMPLETELY INSANE:

It is specially made for New Year's Eve: If you puke on it, it won't show! Score!
Try hiding a goat under this black dress' skirt!
At midnight, the goat can lead your guests in karaoke!
I promise, friends:
If you follow my advice, you'll soon hear those words you've been longing to hear: "You look insane."
Happy Soon Year!

2 comments:

kate said...

you ruined all the surprises i was planning for new year's eve. the dress. the goat. the karaoke. THANKS FOR NOTHING.

annie said...

i'm pretty sure i'm the only person in the entire fashion industry who didn't love michelle williams' yellow dress. i'm sorry, but vogue should know by now that ruffles are for toddlers. however, if michelle williams had instead worn said yellow dress to a new years party, i would've happily said "you look insane!" and then promptly thrown up 9 strawberry wine coolers on her.