Many Secrets

Today I hung out in my fab cubicle and wore my beautifully biz cas pencil skirt, disguising the fact that I would prefer to wear my Pamela Anderson wedding dress instead. If you are like me and do not have a biz cas bikini, do not cry. I have found a skirt for us that is both ugly and expensive, my two favorite things.
Here is the secret of the skirt: It looks like a real pencil skirt BUT! SHOX! It is not! It is pajamaz!

See? The bottom looks tweedy but the top is squishy and made of lycra. Damn! Just button up your button down and BAM! You look like a tool of the man! No one will know that you are cuh-raaaaaaaazy.
ALSO: If you accidentally space out and take your shirt off in the middle of your office and start dumping cranberry juice on your head and singing, "WHAT KIND OF CANDY IS THIS MAGIC BEAN? I GOT THREE KINDS OF HAMBURGERS THAT THROW ME PARTYYYYY!!!!!" and a coworker is about to spot you... you can just roll up the waistband of your skirt and you will be wearing an ugly dress. Score!
Lesson: Pajama time! To celebrate, wear one of those beanies that babies wear in hospitals.