Pippi Picks Coyote Ugly

Last night I watched an amazing tv show called "The Search for Picking the Next and Greatest and also Most "Spunkiest" Coyote Ugly Ultimate Bartender," or something like that. It's based on the Coyote Ugly bar chain. As you might remember, this bar had a TERRIBLE movie made about it (called, of course, "Coyote Ugly,") starring Piper Perabo, Leann Rimes, and Tyra Banks. I saw it at the drive in (that was the only good part).

You should watch this TV show and this movie and go to this bar. Why? So you can wear a slutty outfit and pick up chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks. And get drizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzed. On Kamikazeeeeeeessssssssss. And Budddd. With your Booooooooyfriend. Named Hammer. MC Hammer. MC Hammer is your boyfriend? You ANIMAL.

Here's what to wear while sitting in front of your TV. It will help you relate to the characters:

First: You need a shirt that will show off your fun bags. You should also show off your fun tummy.

You also need to wear the littlest shorts possible.Then you should put on cowboy boots because shorts + cowboy boots = chilly knees.
For the last element of your outfit, I give you a choice:
You can either wear a big, nasty Bud belt buckle:
Or a big, classy pin-up belt buckle:

Now jump on the bar and pretend that you are Tom Cruise in "Cocktail." Cogland's Law, bitches.