I'm going to tell you this for your own good: You're supposed to have one pair of earrings that no one can complain about. I have helped you by picking some out:
Then you can wear a trash bag splatter-painted with poo and you will still have one slightly reserved-looking item on. Simplicity! That's what I always preach!
Then you can wear a trash bag splatter-painted with poo and you will still have one slightly reserved-looking item on. Simplicity! That's what I always preach! Here is an exchange that might result from wearing these earrings:
PEEP: Your dress is... large.
YOU: But just look at my earrings!
PEEP: I can't see them under your big hair.
YOU: Who? I can't hear you from under my big hair. Talk into this tin can!
PEEP: Why did you bring all these cats to my party?
YOU: HUH?
PEEP: HOW COME YOU HAVE ALL THESE CATS ON LEASHES?
YOU: Oh! The earrings! I just threw them on! I bought them while I was Robo-tripping!
PEEP: Let's french.
See? With the earrings you can even get away with taking fashion risks like wearing these bloomers: 
Moo.
Moo.
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