Monday, March 19, 2007


I'm not going to lie to you - you have to be a BEAST to pull off that headband. Let me show you how to do it:
First, put on this ring and start storming around your hotel room:
Now put on lots of lipstick and start painting your nails. Half way through painting your nails, get bored and make a gin and tonic.
Now you should order $300 worth of room service (including 3 orders of shrimp cocktail, a "beef," and a V-8). Put your sunglasses on and turn the TV on and off a few times.
When the room service arrives, pull the covers over your head and pretend to be asleep for a while. Then put your bathrobe on and answer the door:
YOU: Who izzit?
ROOM SERVICE: Beef and shrimps, etc.
YOU: Shhhhhh.
RS: You look amazing.
YOU: No. You do.

Then tip the bell boy by sliding off your bracelet and slipping it in his pocket:Then say, "And bring my diamonds up from storage. Fritz. Whatever ur name iz. Where's my gold?"
Then get back in bed and pretend to smoke a cigarette. Call someone in France and say, "Oops. Pardon. Wrong number."
Turn the TV on again.
See? Now you know how to wear that headband.

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