Lola Cosmetics makes this stuff called "sand and sun bronzer" that is killer. I never would have bought it for myself but since Lola has come into my life I have worn this stuff every single day. If you wear it, it will fix all of the problems in your life, win you the lottery, and always call when it gets in at the airport. More importantly, it will make you look less like a sleep-deprived, cracked out Yeti. I have no idea how this stuff works its Hollywood magic, but I think it's made out of crack and roast turkeys. You can start by wearing it as bronzer, blush, and eyeshadow and then move on to using it as a replacement for your clothes. Just walk around in your Lola and a woolly hat and you will look like a sexy beast. A sexy, sexy Yeti ready to go sled through the snowy hills.
Mama PB was very strong.
As usual, I have asked them to pack it in rubies instead of bubble wrap.
That is an unbelievable bathtub. I don't even know what to say except "Thank you, bathtub." 
Then I would go to a party. Dressed in a bathtub. I mean, I would also wear a kerchief around my hair. Duh! I'm not a skank!
This necklace says, "If you keep talking about art history, I will hit you with a chain."
If you wear this scissors shirt to bed, you can spring up and threaten, "If you don't get out of here, I will give you a terrible haircut! Be gone!"
This tells your foe: "I don't have a gun. But I will flatten you with my stinky pits."
When you wear this sweater you should wear a gold lame bikini under it (please note: I actually own this very bikini and look like a golden ANGEL in it. an American ANGEL. with golden WINGS. and golden T & A)
Then you should get drunk and make chocolate fondue and smear the chocolate all over your face and the white sweater. Wouldn't that be fun?
Meanwhile, if you are cracked about bargains you can go look at the weird stuff at Creatures of Comfort. They are having a sale. They sell lots of stuff by "indie designers" that waver between looking totally amazing and like they were sewn by wolves who kept accidentally ripping things with their claws. I am a big fan but everything costs too many clams for this mermaid.
If you want to make a sly comment about current events, wear these high-waisted pants:
You will cleverly look like you are wearing a diaper, just like that zany astronaut.
Put on the dress and start yelling, "Doe! A deer! A female deer!" as you run through the playground and fling flowers into the air. This will surely inspire the children to be FREE!, outsmart any lurking Nazis by hiding with nuns, and overcome the rigors of school by remembering the joy of whiskers and mittens.
We're getting married:
That prissy bitch:
Ugly is the new pretty:
Huh?
Obviously:
Note: Do not wear these shoes and wolf skirt together. That's TOO much ugly. Instead, wear them with neon pink ski pants and a Coors Lite metallic bikini. That's a bold spring look.
Shhh! This shirt is a a birthday suit! Don't tell the babies! 
Can you imagine rolling around your house in a gold dress, slippers, hats, and sweaters? That's sick town done right.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
This one is called "Bargain Pippi:"
I think this one is supposed to be Rod Stewart:
This one is called "Bart Simpson." Hmmm:
Don't forget your facial wigs!!
2007 Resolution: Wear More Wigs.
This headband alone has 11 jewels. If you are 11 years old, you've just locked it down. BLAM!
Bring bring!
That Gwen is one funny honey. 
gold-calculator hoodie,
pixelated luggage,
or taco-shaped smiling pencil case on the cheap.
Follow up quiz HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION???:
Q: What would Coco do?
A: Marry Ice T.
Look at Carmen Electra's face. She's like, "Damn. I totally could have worn my mesh dress tonight. I backed out because I thought it would be too 'out there' but I was totally wrong. Coco has the instincts of a hawk and the ass of a angel. I am OUTPLAYED."
ALSO: When you are dressing yourself, ask yourself this: "What Would Coco Do (WWCD)?" You know the answer. Coco would marry Ice T. Then she would put her butt on a car, take some pictures of it, and sell it as a calender. Follow this leader.
